Snapshot

I was originally intending to write something a lot more in depth, now that things have opened up here a bit, but I am exhausted after cleaning. E and I have gone on a total of 2 playdates with our old buddies (old as in, knew before quarantine, lol) C and S, and met a new Mom and her kiddo, J and A, at Tilles Park.

E celebrated her 1st birthday last weekend, and Jon and I had a zoom party with her and our families. I baked a three tier carrot cake - the first carrot cake I've ever made, and also the first three tiered cake I've ever made - and had a freak out last Friday evening when I realised there was no way to put the cake into the fridge without it drying out, as we had no container. In the end, Jon went to Schnuck's last minute and bought two big aluminum trays meant for roasting turkeys, and taped them together, lol. Cheapest and most simple cake container ever. It's crazy to think that E is already 1 year old, and I am very glad. A year ago, it felt like I wouldn't make it as a Mum, but I guess I must have.

This week was a huge ball of stress trying to arrange things for the new house, while also taking care of this apartment and baby. I am glad that most of the pressing things have been dealt with, and that the end of the week has finally arrived.

Change in Tastes

In Spring 2019, when I was pregnant with E and bored in NYC, I used to go baby clothes shopping at the various Burlington Coat Factories nearby. Sometimes if I really liked a particular outfit, but it didn't match the right size and type for the season (e.g. no short sleeved dresses for Winter), I'd keep the style in mind and doggedly look for it in the other stores. A few times I was successful, a few times I would fail.

The above outfit is one example of an outfit that I fell in love with, and went around searching other branches for, until I got the right size. I remember thinking it was the cutest, cheeriest thing I had ever seen. I brought it home and showed it to Jon, and I still remember him saying it was "very yellow".

Well anyway, flash forward a year+ and E can finally fit in this outfit, but I am no longer in love with it. In fact, looking at it makes me wonder what I was thinking when I was pregnant. The pants are OK and still cute, but the top is very yellow, and of course yellow looks terrible with East Asian skin tones. And the print is awfully loud (though since E is loud I guess it matches?).

So far, E has only worn this outfit once. That being said however, she has played with the top and bottom a lot as I left them on the sofa and forgot about them after taking this picture a few days ago. She tugs at the clothes like she is trying to tear them apart, and plays some form of peek-a-boo behind them. At least she is getting some sort of use out of them.

St. Louis June 2020 Protests

Last night I sat in front of the computer, cross stitching, while watching a Facebook live stream of the protests in downtown St. Louis. I watched from the beginning of the confrontation, when the protesters first reached the city police HQ on Olive, to the police coming out in riot gear, to the peaceful protesters dispersing... and then all hell breaking loose. First it started with the protesters shooting fireworks, and then the police started firing tear gas in response. Finally, and it seemed like everyone ran away. Then the 7/11 got looted, and suddenly it was on fire, and then more fires were set. Meanwhile I sat there cross stitching, in the safety of my home, reading all the real time comments from other viewers. It was a moment to think about how social media has changed the way news is disseminated - but that's a musing for another time.

I went to bed after that, and woke up today to the news that more people were killed, and the police shot at. More stores looted and set on fire.

Jon and I don't live anywhere near the downtown St. Louis area, so it's not a sense of real anxiety that I feel right now, but more of a worry about the general high tensions and how it negatively affects the community. Of a sadness at seeing the places that we have passed by destroyed. Of a frustration that things have come to this; that a police officer in Minnesota thought that kneeling for 8 minutes on a black man's neck was appropriate use of force despite all the other past police brutality cases. Of confusion that I am being told by some on my more left-leaning friends on Facebook that condemning the looting is racist because black people should be allowed to perpetuate the same violence and inequality that they have experienced for the past 400 years (...on other black owned stores in their community?!? I don't get it.) Of another type of confusion - where do I stand in all of this as an Asian immigrant? I feel like a temporary visitor, this is not my country, and I should not intervene, but of course I support the Black Lives Matter movement.

There are a multitude of thoughts and emotions I have surrounding this, and no clear solution to any of the negativity. It's just a lot after weeks of economic depression from coronavirus shut downs.