More Garden Things

As of a week and a half after planting, my vegetables now look like this:

As a reminder, the left side is Schultz, and the right is Miracle Gro.

The beans in the Miracle Gro look slightly better, but that might also be because some of the leaves of the beans that were in Schultz were bad looking last week. I don't remember how they looked when I started - should have taken better pictures. Anyway the difference is enough to be marginal in my opinion.

The broccoli however, looks very different. The ones in the Schultz (even the random 2 in pots) look noticeably better than the ones in the Miracle Gro.

Miracle Gro:

Schultz:

Anyway, we'll see if this difference remains the same throughout, or changes as the broccoli continues to grow.

As a side note, today I went to the Home Depot at Brentwood after E and I had a playdate with C and her son S. The plants there definitely were more varied and nicer looking than what I remember of the Home Depot at Overland that Jon and I visited last weekend, but nothing really called to me except some watermelon starters that I sadly have no space for (BOO!), so I didn't get any plants. I did however, get some no melt suet and a suet feeder on a whim, plus a small watering can. Total bill was less than $6 with tax.

After the acquisition of the suet feeder, my bird feeding set up now looks like this:

Last week we actually made a trip to Florissant, because we thought that was where the closet Wild Birds Unlimited store was to us (for some reason, the Warson Woods location didn't show up). At the store we bought a squirrel proof bird feeder that is much more sturdier than the simple plastic one we had (that already showed remarkable chew marks from squirrel teeth). The 'squirrel proof' feature is a result of it having a spring at the top, and if a squirrel climbs on it, its weight closes the hole of the feeder. It was fun earlier this week watching the squirrels try to game the new feeder, but they evidently have been largely unsuccessful given how much bird seed there is remaining this week. 

The weird green patch on top of the mulch is right at the bottom of where the old bird feeder was, and where the old bird seed fell and sprouted. I even watered the patch a few times after they sprouted. That's another unplanned experiment I've got going on, to observe and see what happens to that bird seed patch.

Vegetable Starters

 

Last week when I was at Menards with E, I bought a bag of Schultz brand Garden Soil, because it was cheaper and I wondered how it would compare to Miracle Gro, the usual leading brand (and the only one I see around my Mother-In-Law's house). I decided to do a little experiment, putting the beans and broccoli starters I had on the left side in Schultz, and putting the beans and broccoli starters on the right in Miracle Gro (the 2 broccoli starters in the random pots are in Schultz, because I had extra soil + 1 lost kalanchoe that I just repotted yesterday after seeing it suffer for a while). 

So far to my dismay, the Miracle Gro beans look a little better, but they also did have the head start of about a day in a planter vs a starter tray. The broccoli however looks a little bit too similar for me to determine anything at this point (planted them on Wednesday last week), and I realise now that you can barely see them at all in this picture.

Anyway I am having fun, and enjoying checking up on my plants a lot.

634

 It's been about a week and a half since we have moved in to our new place at 634, and I suppose I'm now used to things around here, and have been able to form some sort of a routine with E. What is new about this place, besides having no kitchen (until the 27 of Aug! URGH), is the fact that it comes with a garden and lawn. 

Now I don't really care for lawns especially because I remember reading they're not really good for the environment because they require a lot of water and don't contribute to the environment (e.g. no shelter for animals, no pollen for bees, etc.). But having a lawn still means somewhat taking care of it, even though I don't need to bother with cutting the grass because we hired a company to do it. So yesterday, the day after a Derecho wreaked havoc all throughout the Midwest, I spent something like 1hr+ picking up all the fallen branches and twigs off the lawn, because I had seen the neighbour opposite do it and assumed it was a thing people do. 

The fun part however, is the rest of the garden, and I am now obsessed with my new hobby even though it makes me hot and sweaty - gardening. As a correlated activity, we also bought a bird feeder, though it's been attacked non-stop by squirrels, and so my next task is to swap it out and get a squirrel-proof bird feeder:

I planted some beans a few days ago in some cedar planters that we got from Menards using starters that we purchased from Hartke Nursery:

And yesterday I planted this shrub that I purchased from Dauster Greenhouse:

It's called a Proud Berry plant, and I chose it over others because I saw that it was labelled as a native plant, though I now realise that there's another more stringent category of native plants, those are are specifically native to Missouri. The more you learn I guess. 

My goal is to eventually have a nice garden that helps support the wildlife in the area, and to cover up the weird bare patch you see in the picture above, so people can't stare into our living room. I'd also like to grow some vegetables from seed one day, though I have just purchased some broccoli starters from the O.K. Hatchery and Feed Store today. Fingers crossed that all of this works out, unlike the 10,000x other plants I've killed before when living in Singapore.

Cooking in Bulk

The kitchen at the new house we are moving to is not yet ready, and won't be for the next 3 weeks (delays in the counter top delivery), so for the past few days I've been cooking up a storm and freezing as much food as I can. The meals I've made are:

1) Spaghetti Bolognese

2) White Bean Chicken Chili

3) Red Beans and Rice

4) Mac and Cheese with Broccoli 

5) Cottage Pie

And for snacking/dessert, chocolate chip cookies. 

I am utterly exhausted and spent now. Today alone, in between all the cooking, I went grocery shopping, loaded the car, drove to the new house and unloaded the car while dealing with Elizabeth. I really hope I can sleep tonight, and not spend another night worrying and stressing out about the move.

7553

I have a headache today, and feel a little dizzy. This could be because I didn't finish my tea today (something I just discovered when I got up to put the cup in the kitchen), because I got distracted playing with E. This could also be because I didn't sleep enough, and E woke me up at 3am crying for milk. Either way, I have a headache and don't feel great, and feel sensitive to sound. 

Just my luck then, that today of all days the new dog in the apartment building + an older dog decide to have a hallway 'conversation'. I kept hearing the howling barks ('wok woooowoooowoooowoooowoooo') going on and on and followed the noise upstairs (not hard in a 3 story apartment with 12 apartments only I suppose), and realised the new dog in 3A was howling away at the dog in 3D, with the 3D dog responding now and then. Now I've never heard the dog in 3D before, even though I knew it was there, so this is definitely the 3A dog's doing. I guess it must be the same dog I saw a few days ago, some shaggy looking medium sized thing of a breed I definitely did not recognise. It's new owners were trying to coax him up and down the stairs. Anyway I guess the tenants of 3A aren't home even though the lights were switched on inside, and so the dog was doing its howling thing. 

This is definitely one of the quirks of living in an apartment building, hearing all the noise around. I usually find it comforting though, hearing signs of life outside, and running into neighbours and making conversation. In New York there was Eric, who lived upstairs with his 2 (and then 1) dogs, and Steve and Alexandra opposite us. Here in this apartment there's Mike, Chastity, and Julie.

I've lived in apartments for most of my adult life, starting with when I lived in London. On Thursday however, we will finally be moving into our new house. I am simultaneously stressed out by the move as well as looking forward to a new chapter in my life. Meanwhile, the work to prep for it has been seemingly endless, and the the stressors many. It will definitely be an interesting change.

New Stamps

I went to the Clayton post office today after several months to mail off some packages and buy some stamps. I don't know if you know this, but I am a huge sucker for nice designs on stamps. If there is a nice and cute version, why would I want to boring pre-printed ones from those machines, or a pharmacy? So I usually wait until I go to a post office to buy a whole bunch of stamps at one go, thus ensuring we have a supply of nice stamps at home. These stamps were from my latest visit today, and apparently the fruit and vegetables ones just came out. The state and country fairs one however, is really cool and is actually a series of 4 stamps that forms 1 larger image:

So anyway, very cool. 

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For the last 4 days, I have been out everyday. Part necessary errands, part cross stitching and embroidering mania. I feel a little bad that I have been out so much in a pandemic, but as Jon pointed out it's also probably from feeling pent up at being home throughout the pandemic, and now feeling more comfortable with driving as we have a 2nd car. 

This phase kind of started last week Tuesday after I got a huge surge of anxiety from dealing with (and driving to) the new house. Now I am actively trying to tamp down this somewhat manic stage, because as I mentioned, I feel bad and irresponsible even though I take all the necessary precautions like mask wearing and carrying E inwards in a carrier. Though now given that I think I have finally finished all my errands, and have practically bought something like 50% of the entire DMC thread collection, I think I will be staying home for the next week, unless I need to do grocery shopping. 

This has been a list of all the places I have been since last Wednesday to today:

14 July - New House, Schnucks

15 July - Target, JoAnn Fabric

16 July (with Jon, as he had the day off) - Target, Hobby Lobby, Once Upon a Child (last 2 in the same strip mall)

18 July - JoAnn Fabric, Marshalls, Buy Buy Baby, Ross Dress For Less (all in the same strip mall)

20 July - JoAnn Fabric, Marshalls, Buy Buy Baby, Dollar Tree, Aldi (first 3 in the same strip mall)

21 July - Michaels, Walgreens

22 July - Hobby Lobby, Burlington Coat Factory, Aldi (all in same strip mall), Walgreens

23 July - Post Office, Target, UPS Store, Schnucks

DMC Threads

For the month of June, I read zero books. This was because I started cross-stitching again, and finally completed a kit that I had purchased and first started way back in 2014. In the interim, I've 1) finished two MAs, 2) gotten married, 3) had a child, 4) moved across the country, and lastly 5) purchased a house, so let's just say a lot has been happening since I first started this cross stitch, to when I finally completed it 6 years later.

Anyway I have since moved on to try my hand at embroidery, which to the dismay of my hands involves a needle that is a lot sharper. I have since managed to poke out chunks of skin, which really stings when I do housework. Bodily damage aside, this has also meant that as I move away from kits that come with prepared colour threads, I now need to purchase threads.

Enter the DMC embroidery shelf. Since I have started (or re-started) this particular type of craftwork, I have spent close to 15 minutes in front the DMC shelves at Michaels and (today especially), Joann Fabric. I am starting to think that E is close to developing a huge aversion to the sight of the DMC shelf, because I invariably end up spending far more time there than her toddler mind can appreciate. The DMC shelf means I will stand still there, bending forwards and backwards and shuffling too and fro as I pick the 'perfect' colours, all while she is just stuck to me in a backwards facing front baby carrier (safest way to bring her around in the era of COVID). It means I will not be moving from aisle to aisle, giving her new things to look at. For this ill-behaviour on my part, I will be subjected to 1) mask pulling, 2) face slapping, 3) audible complaining and some shrieking, 4) weird stretches and flinging about.

All this parental abuse is worth it I suppose, as I sit here in front of the computer admiring my new hoard. At 60 cents a skein of thread, it's a relatively cheap hobby to go wild on, though I feel the skin on my hands is already tingling in imagined punishment.

Snapshot

I was originally intending to write something a lot more in depth, now that things have opened up here a bit, but I am exhausted after cleaning. E and I have gone on a total of 2 playdates with our old buddies (old as in, knew before quarantine, lol) C and S, and met a new Mom and her kiddo, J and A, at Tilles Park.

E celebrated her 1st birthday last weekend, and Jon and I had a zoom party with her and our families. I baked a three tier carrot cake - the first carrot cake I've ever made, and also the first three tiered cake I've ever made - and had a freak out last Friday evening when I realised there was no way to put the cake into the fridge without it drying out, as we had no container. In the end, Jon went to Schnuck's last minute and bought two big aluminum trays meant for roasting turkeys, and taped them together, lol. Cheapest and most simple cake container ever. It's crazy to think that E is already 1 year old, and I am very glad. A year ago, it felt like I wouldn't make it as a Mum, but I guess I must have.

This week was a huge ball of stress trying to arrange things for the new house, while also taking care of this apartment and baby. I am glad that most of the pressing things have been dealt with, and that the end of the week has finally arrived.

Change in Tastes

In Spring 2019, when I was pregnant with E and bored in NYC, I used to go baby clothes shopping at the various Burlington Coat Factories nearby. Sometimes if I really liked a particular outfit, but it didn't match the right size and type for the season (e.g. no short sleeved dresses for Winter), I'd keep the style in mind and doggedly look for it in the other stores. A few times I was successful, a few times I would fail.

The above outfit is one example of an outfit that I fell in love with, and went around searching other branches for, until I got the right size. I remember thinking it was the cutest, cheeriest thing I had ever seen. I brought it home and showed it to Jon, and I still remember him saying it was "very yellow".

Well anyway, flash forward a year+ and E can finally fit in this outfit, but I am no longer in love with it. In fact, looking at it makes me wonder what I was thinking when I was pregnant. The pants are OK and still cute, but the top is very yellow, and of course yellow looks terrible with East Asian skin tones. And the print is awfully loud (though since E is loud I guess it matches?).

So far, E has only worn this outfit once. That being said however, she has played with the top and bottom a lot as I left them on the sofa and forgot about them after taking this picture a few days ago. She tugs at the clothes like she is trying to tear them apart, and plays some form of peek-a-boo behind them. At least she is getting some sort of use out of them.

St. Louis June 2020 Protests

Last night I sat in front of the computer, cross stitching, while watching a Facebook live stream of the protests in downtown St. Louis. I watched from the beginning of the confrontation, when the protesters first reached the city police HQ on Olive, to the police coming out in riot gear, to the peaceful protesters dispersing... and then all hell breaking loose. First it started with the protesters shooting fireworks, and then the police started firing tear gas in response. Finally, and it seemed like everyone ran away. Then the 7/11 got looted, and suddenly it was on fire, and then more fires were set. Meanwhile I sat there cross stitching, in the safety of my home, reading all the real time comments from other viewers. It was a moment to think about how social media has changed the way news is disseminated - but that's a musing for another time.

I went to bed after that, and woke up today to the news that more people were killed, and the police shot at. More stores looted and set on fire.

Jon and I don't live anywhere near the downtown St. Louis area, so it's not a sense of real anxiety that I feel right now, but more of a worry about the general high tensions and how it negatively affects the community. Of a sadness at seeing the places that we have passed by destroyed. Of a frustration that things have come to this; that a police officer in Minnesota thought that kneeling for 8 minutes on a black man's neck was appropriate use of force despite all the other past police brutality cases. Of confusion that I am being told by some on my more left-leaning friends on Facebook that condemning the looting is racist because black people should be allowed to perpetuate the same violence and inequality that they have experienced for the past 400 years (...on other black owned stores in their community?!? I don't get it.) Of another type of confusion - where do I stand in all of this as an Asian immigrant? I feel like a temporary visitor, this is not my country, and I should not intervene, but of course I support the Black Lives Matter movement.

There are a multitude of thoughts and emotions I have surrounding this, and no clear solution to any of the negativity. It's just a lot after weeks of economic depression from coronavirus shut downs. 

French Alphabet Blocks

This weekend was the first time I have purchased anything from Facebook Marketplace. Before, I was vaguely aware it existed, but used only Craigslist when I was purchasing 2nd hand furniture for the apartment I shared with Marina in 2015, and then 2nd hand wedding decor in 2017. Now one of my habits is to just go on Facebook Marketplace and look at the random baby things for sale near me.

Last Saturday however, I happened to go on and see that someone nearby had listed these blocks for $15. I had seen them online before (retails around $45), they come in a variety of languages, and thought they looked cool, but wasn't sure if they were worth the money. At $15 however, and in French (side note: Jon reads to Elizabeth in French, somehow his French is better than his Tagalog or Mandarin, lol), they were a steal.

Today I finally got round to cleaning then with a mixture of vinegar and water, and then I laid them all out on newspaper to dry and counted 32 blocks, which I thought was a little unusual. Then I went online to check the item on the official website and it says it comes in sets of 28. So I thought maybe more blocks were included by accident and flipped them all onto the animal side - but no, they were all in French too.

I am confused. What a weird mystery.

Baby Board Books List

E has a ton of books. Even before she was born, Jon and I already had some children's books in our possession, typically purchased by Jon because he liked the illustrations. I was also no stranger to the children's books, having started venturing into that section ever since K, my niece was born and I started babysitting R in late 2017/early 2018. Anyway, with this in mind, and how much I personally value books and reading, it should come as no surprise that E has quite a lot of books. She has maybe 50 board books, if not more. When I started writing this, she was doing her usual practice of taking some of her board books out of her wooden crate, flipping through them, and throwing a bunch around.

E just turned 11 months old a few days ago, and with this in mind, I want to create a list of her books that I like the most. Factors like quirkiness, and ease of reading helped me compile this list.

1. Indestructibles series of books

Books from these series are the ones I give to any one about to become a parent. I came across them in the Barnes and Noble at Union Square, and found the concept very interesting. These books are not very heavy on content, but the pages cannot be torn, either by a saliva soaking or use of force. They also don't fly very well when they are thrown, because they're very light lol. My sister in law told me they're good for distracting my niece in situations where they might get dirty, like during meal times, because they can also be easily wiped.

2. Nina Laden - Peek A Who?

Very short, easy to read, and contains a cute mirror in the last page for the baby to look at themselves. The little cut outs in the middle also make it easy for the child to flip the pages.

3. Curious George - I Love You

This book also contains mirrored pages, which are great. I bought this as a 'Valentine's Day' present for E after seeing it at the Barnes and Noble in Ladue, and it has genuinely become one of my favourite books because it's just so sweet. It has lines like, "I love you when you're cranky" and "I love you when you're messy", plus the illustrations are very cute.

4. Eric Carle - Colors (Bilingual)

I don't know how to even quantify how ironic it is that even though my second language is Mandarin, I feel more comfortable reading Spanish books to E (maybe it shows how much Chinese baby board books suck?). Anyway I like this book because the sentences are short and simple, the illustrations cute, and there's a little panel for the words in both languages that you can move, e.g. red/rojo.

5. Eric Carle - Brown Bear Brown Bear, What Do You See?

A beloved classic, I actually put off buying this book for a long time because I figured I could get it on sale or something since it was so ubiquitous. Eventually I bought it 2nd hand from Half Price Books on Delmar. It is a very silly book, which starts out normal seeming, and quickly devolves into the absurd - blue horses and purple cats anyone? Before becoming strangely meta and breaking the 4th wall. Also very easy and a quick read.

6. Sandra Boynton - Moo, Baa, La La La!

As a rule of thumb, all Sandra Boynton books are great. I would read Dinosaur Dance to E when I was still pregnant (apparently babies can hear and recognise the books they heard while in the womb? I don't know. I tried), but out of all of them, Moo, Baa, La La La! is definitely my favourite. It is short and silly, and became one of the books I ended up memorising early on really fast (Cows go Moo, Sheep go Baa, Three singing pigs go La La La!...)

7. Sandra Boynton - Happy Hippo, Angry Duck

This is another great book by Sandra Boynton. It teaches kids about moods, relating them to animals. At the end, it helps reiterate that bad moods are only temporary, and that the child is loved no matter what. A great book for helping teach emotional intelligence, especially when the child becomes older and starts throwing tantrums.

8. Emily Gravett - Orange Pear Apple Bear

One afternoon when I was still working at with my internship, I had to pass a document to another staff member at Grand Central Station in NYC outside of my working days. She was running late, so Jon and I ducked into a store inside to kill time, which turned out to sell kid's toys and books. That was when I first came across this book, and was so taken by it that I went home and saved it to an Amazon list. It was early 2016, and there were no young children anywhere near me, but that just shows how great this book is. Beautifully illustrated, very simple to read, and incredibly silly, this book features the same 4 words, orange, apple, pear, bear (well, and 1 'there!') in a variety of combinations and accompanying pictures like, "orange bear".

9. Lucy Freegard - Elephant

A purchase from an atas baby store in Ladue one Saturday morning, when Jon and I were waiting for a table at the Original Pancake House (their Dutch Baby Pancakes are to die for), this might possible be the most expensive board book that E owns at roughly $15. Most baby board books tend to hover under the $10 mark. Still, I had really liked the parts that I had seen when I flipped through the book at the store, and I fell more in love with it when I came home. It basically tells the story of a parent elephant and a baby elephant in rhyme and their time together. The last page however, tugs at my heart strings, "And when I am older and wrinkly and wise/I will remember just how quickly time flies. Each day striving to learn something new/making more memories to share with you." A great reminder how I should treasure my time with E, despite all the times she drives me crazy.

10. Jan Brett - The Mitten

Another old school favourite, this one is a little bit of a longer read (I'm lazy and impatient, OK?), but the silly story and illustrations make it all worth it. It tells the story of a lost mitten, and of how all the animals try to squeeze into it because it is comfy. It is an absurd tale, and the illustrations on the margins (marginalia anyone?) on each page are full of little jokes too, like on the large page when you see the grandmother puzzling over how stretched out the now-found mitten has become.

Honourable Mentions
11. Dr Seuss - Hop On Pop

No kid's library is complete without a Dr. Seuss book or two. E has quite a few of them, like Fox in Socks, but I prefer Hop on Pop more. Sometimes I feel lazy though, and don't want to spend the effort to read everything out. Come to think of it, I've not read this book to E in a few months precisely because of that reason, whoops. 

12. Martha Day Zschock - Hello St. Louis!

Stumbled upon this in Left Bank Books in Central West End one day, and could not resist purchasing it on the spot. Published just this year, this book details all the sights in St Louis like the Magic House and Lafayette Square in a cute and simply rhyming way. I definitely prefer this book to the only other St Louis-esque book we have, What's That Arch?

Circus Monkeys

Today for the first time, I thought of the phrase, "Not my circus, not my monkeys" in reference to a situation. I think it is a very good and apt saying, and I am pleased with it.

County Roads

The 2020 Covid-19 stay at home order/lockdown in St Louis city and county began on 23 March. Now, they're tentatively setting the reopening date for 18 May. I don't really know what to say about my feelings and thoughts at this point, because a significant amount of time has passed and I've gone through the whole gamut of emotions and thoughts at this point, with the main one lately being a sense of restlessness and boredom.

Anyway since this whole thing has begun, Jon and I began taking long meandering drives around the area, just to get out of the house. So far we have randomly driven to Eureka, Imperial, Arnold, Chesterfield and Ballwin. We have also driven the length of some major East-West roads in the area like Big Bend Road (which really does start with a big bend in Ballwin), Ladue Road, and Clayton Road.

Amidst all of this, E has also learned how to cruise (walk while holding onto things) really well, and has sprouted her top two middle teeth. It also looks like she has 2 more top teeth imminent too.

I don't really know how to feel about St Louis reopening again, because I don't really know what it will entail, and how our day to day lives will change, besides Jon being back at the hospital 24/7. 

Daylight Savings

Yesterday daylight savings started again and we 'lost' an hour of time. So if it's 11:12am now, it means that on Saturday 48 hours ago, it was actually 10:12am. Having lived in the West for a good number of years now, the whole daylight savings thing is not new to me at all, but for some reason this year it feels exceptionally disorienting. 

On Sunday, yesterday, the first day of daylight savings, Jon and I went out to run a bunch of errands and have lunch. Even though I knew there was daylight savings, it wasn't something I had thoroughly absorbed into my consciousness, and I was confused as to why I wasn't even feeling the least bit peckish at 11:45am, even though I had had a very light breakfast of cereal with milk. The same thing followed with dinner, which we had at 7pm, close to 8pm. 

Today however, a Monday, Jon is back to work and I am home with the baby as normal, and I feel even more befuddled. Of course baby has zero idea what daylight savings or even what 'time' is, but I feel thoroughly confused even though our normal sort of loose schedule of feed, play, feed, nap should remain the same. It doesn't help that the weather today is a weird dreary sort of cloudy grey, so it feels like I don't even have the outside sun as a guide to figure out if it's 8am or 1pm. In short, my internal clock feels completely confounded, and I'm sure this in in huge part of spending my day with creature(s) - can't forget Saffron too - that have no idea what daylight savings is but run their own internal clocks anyway. 

This whole daylight savings thing is really, really daft.

Another Baby Food Anecdote

Seems like one of the major topics I put effort into writing about nowadays is baby food. I have no idea why, but go along with the whim anyway.

Today I made blueberry, banana, and tofu puree. And while it tastes OK, I must state that it unequivocally looks like puke, more so than any other baby food that I have made before. And that I am 100% disgusted and feel slightly nauseous looking at it. I think this will be the last time I make this particular food combination for baby.

Baby Fish Porridge

A traditional baby food dish in Singapore is fish rice porridge. My Dad told me an anecdote about the cry room in the sanctuary of the church they attend in Singapore - that around a certain time all the babies/kids start getting hungry at the same time and the whole room turns into a disgusting and nauseating miasma of ang gor li fish and porridge. My Dad and Mum pointed out that they made that same dish for me to eat all the time, and like all other babies, I loved it too.

Anyway since I have become a Mum, my parents ask me every so often what I am making for baby to eat. And they keep suggesting the fish porridge idea. One qualm I've had about it was that I wasn't sure what kind of fish was suitable, and then in what proportions. Good luck trying to ask a fishmonger for ang go li here. But finally Jon got onto the bandwagon too, and wanted to make fish porridge for baby as well, as he's currently on a she's not getting enough protein sort of anxiety binge.

So finally today, I have attempted to make fish porridge. I put in half a cup of jasmine rice to boil, and about half of a fillet of swai fish (what is swai even called in Singapore?). After boiling for a while, I realised the rice had swelled up into a ridiculously large amount, to the extent that the amount of fish seemed too little. So, like any caring Mum, I ended up taking out spoonfuls of just plain rice porridge, so the proportion of liao to porridge would be higher. Then I mixed in some quasi-pureed peas that I had prepared yesterday, so that there would at least be something familiar tasting/fibre in the dish. I then ate the plain rice porridge, with a little bit of soy sauce, so it wouldn't go to waste.

Hopefully baby will like this dish, when I feed it to her later.

Classic Rock

When I drive, the only radio station I listen to is 103.3, the Classic Rock station. Or as Jon calls it, the Dad Rock station, with "Dad" referring not to him, but to my Dad. Specializing in 60's, 70's and 80's music, it plays exactly the kind of music I listen to at home anyway, minus a few bands like Stars, Metric, Muse, Linkin Park (my guilty pleasure) and The Arcade Fire. Jon laments my close-mindedness about music all the time, but usually goes along with it.

Anyway one thing I noticed about 103.3 is that they like to play music in spurts and clusters. For example in December, they kept playing ZZ Top's Sharp Dressed Man and Pink Floyd's Another Brick in the Wall. For a while it was The Car's Just What I Needed. Now however it seems to be the Steve Miller Band's The Joker - and I really really loathe this song. Another favourite for now also seems to be Rick Springfield's Jessie's Girl, which I don't like but at least can tolerate. The sheer number of times some of these songs were played were such that close to every single time I drove (maybe for a total of 1h a day?) I would hear one of them, and they became running jokes between me and Jon. Except The Joker of course, because every time it comes on I just rage inside.

The reason why I'm writing about 103.3 however, is that one day they started playing Green Day's the Boulevard of Broken Dreams, and it took me by surprise because of all things, Boulevard of Broken Dreams could hardly be considered Classic Rock, one reason being that it came out in the mid 2000s and I remember hearing it everywhere when I was in Secondary School. That, by some people's regard, Boulevard of Broken Dreams can be considered Classic Rock, makes me suddenly feel very very old. Says the almost 30 year old with a 7 and a half month old baby.

And that is all I have to say.

Deer Creek Shopping Center

Months ago before I had even arrived in St Louis with baby, my in-laws were first in town with Jon to help him set up the apartment. They visited one of the nearest Dollar Tree stores in our area at the Deer Creek Shopping Center, and my mother-in-law, upon seeing the other stores they had, wryly observed that it would be one of my most favourite spots... and she wasn't wrong haha.

Today was the first time I decided to take the car and baby out without a clear goal. Since my Mum has left, I have only been taking the car on Fridays, when baby has her swimming class. And then I try to bundle all the grocery shopping for the week on the same day, so there's no need to take the car on any other days. This has meant we have become huge homebodies, with the net effect of driving each of us slowly nuts because baby is very social and likes other people, while I start feeling cabin fever-ish because I also like novelty.

The main difficulty now that my Mum has left is that I need to bring baby along with me in the mornings and the evenings when I drive to send/pick up Jon, which on the surface sounded easy when I thought about it months ago. Reality has shown that it is more difficult however as because Jon goes to work relatively early, this means needing to wake baby up, which disrupts her sleep cycle and makes her very tired and cranky, feed and change her. Then when we get home, I am usually tired too from waking up a little earlier than usual, and I still need to contend with a cranky baby and make sure I time her naps. Baby waking me up in the middle of the night, and Saffron meowing up a storm at 4 am do nothing to improve the situation too.

So anyway, that today I finally decided to take the car on a day that I didn't have to, felt like an achievement. Baby and I finally left the house around 11:30 am, and our first stop was Aldi as we had run out of apples at home. Then we drove to Deer Creek Shopping Center, where I went to, in order: 1) McAlister's Deli for lunch 2) Ross Dress for Less, where I bought a whole bunch of baby stuff including reduced price Tommee Tippee sippy cups 3) Dollar Tree, where I also met a random middle aged lady who was telling me a little about how St Louis fell into decline as a city [highways, public transport, public school system, split into city/counties] 4) Marshalls, where I bought a reduced priced Stonewall Kitchen Lime Cilantro Aioli, and finally 5) Buy Buy Baby, where I had to return to the counter a second time because I finally found my 20% off one item coupon, and got back $2.60 in cash.

Now we are finally home, and baby is napping away after some protest. Going to have to wake her up soon, so we can go pick up Jon. Quite a nice and full day, coupled with good weather. I feel happy and accomplished.

Lessons from Beets as Baby Food

The day right after Jon, baby, and I came back from New York City, we went to Soulard Farmer's Market. It was the second time we were there - the first time we had gone was when my Mum was still around - and we wanted to stock up on fresh and cheap produce (emphasis mostly on the cheap). Beets were selling for about 99 cents a pound, and I recalled seeing some pre-made baby food in stores containing beets, so I decided to buy one to try it out.

I learnt several things from making beets as baby food, and some of those things are reasons why I will not be trying it again any time soon. 

1. Beet juice makes everything red.

Beet juice stains everything red. The first time I really noticed it was when I was peeling and cutting it for steaming. I thought it was amusing and it came off easily when I washed my hands. What I didn't count on however, was that because the beet juice also stayed on baby's face and clothes longer than the time an adult takes to prepare beetroot. That meant that baby's face was stained in beet splotches, and her clothes had to be rinse and soaked multiple times in order to get the beet juice out, and there were still lingering stains. Oy.

Also, baby still spits up a lot. Nothing is more alarming than seeing red spit up. For a nanosecond I thought she had some internal bleed, but no. It was just beet juice dyed spit up. Additionally, did I also mention that her poo was a disconcerting dark blackish colour? Almost like she had internal intestinal bleeding. Again, beet juice. But what was even more fun was that this poo, also dyed her backside. Because again, beet juice. So my baby had red stained splotches all over her arse for a short while. Charming.

2. Beets are a laxative.  

This meant that baby pooed. A lot. While I suppose this might be a good thing, I did not like having to clean it up. It also meant that I decided to forgo using the reusable diapers entirely last week in favour of disposables, because I really didn't want to be washing off poo every time I changed baby's diaper. 

3. Steaming beets makes the whole house smell like borscht.

I think this is mainly a good thing, except for the fact that there is actually no borscht. And I like borscht. So being able to smell borscht while not being able to eat it is incredibly disappointing. I also do not know where to find good borscht in St. Louis, as there definitely is no Veselka here.

And so here ends the list of things I have learnt while making and feeding my baby beets.

Anxiety and Motherhood

I feel that anyone who has existing anxiety issues and finds themselves about to become a parent should be sent for counselling. Like: If you think you had worries and anxiety before? THINK AGAIN. Welcome to a whole new world of worries and anxieties, some of which are rational, but are mostly irrational, and stem from your existing (and pre-baby) low self esteem.

BAH. This is all I have to say for now. 

Chinese Style Cooking

Things I've learned from living with my Mum for a month, without anyone else in my family (e.g. Dad, Merlina, etc.):
- She is actually a really good cook
- She is good at selecting fresh fish
- She is very adventurous when it comes to cooking
- The 4 essential fresh ingredients for Chinese style cooking: spring onions, garlic, parsley [cilantro], and ginger

I will miss her a lot when she leaves on Sat ):

Missouri Fall

It has been a week since my Dad has left for Singapore. Since then, I have driven for the first time in my own, which has been incredibly stressful. I have also taken over planning and cooking all our meals, which is a lot more added work, in addition to taking care of the baby. I am very glad however, that my Mum chose to stay behind for another month to help Jon and me with the baby. I am sure we would have managed without her, but it would have been infinitely more stressful than it already is. I am very thankful.

This weekend, the weather was good, so Jon, my Mum, Baby, and I went to the Soulard Farmer's Market, Cherokee Antique Row, Forest Park, church, and finally the Missouri Botanical Gardens. It was a nice Fall weekend, and there were plenty of pretty red and yellow leaves all around, so we tried to make the most of the good weather. As a result, we are all tired out from the weekend. So today, my Mum and I elected to stay in to get some chores done. So far I have:
1) Made Applesauce, which baby hated
2) Cleaned the bathroom

Remaining chores:
1) Make Pumpkin Soup, from the pumpkin we got from Eckert's Farm last week
2) Make dinner of scallops, asparagus, and potatoes
3) Laundry
4) Sort through old, ill-fitting clothes

Real Life Math Questions

Question 1:
If a pack of Pampers Swaddlers Super Pack Size 2 Diapers costs $24.99 and contains 84 diapers, and a pack of Pampers Swaddlers Enormous Size 2 Diapers costs $39.99 and contains 148 diapers, what is the price difference per diaper?

Answer 1:
2 cents

Question 2:
If Target is offering a $10 gift card for buying any 2 packs of diapers, what would the price difference be then?

Answer 2:
0.2 cents

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Today my parents and I brought baby to the pediatrician, for her 4 month check up and vaccines. It was her first doctor's visit, since moving back to the United States. She was generally very happy, but when it came to the doctor's turn to examine her, she was not having it. Between either the unfamiliarity of the doctor (or maybe it was his beard?), and the fact that she was hungry and I was trying to push off feeding her until after she got her vaccines, she was incredibly upset. I was trying my best to ignore her screaming and listen to my conversation with her doctor when it suddenly got quiet and I turned around, and my Dad was holding her in his arms and feeding her, lol.

Anyway when the needle(s) went in - just like her 2 month round of vaccines - her mouth opened up and her face contorted in agony/rage/pain, but no sound came out for a few seconds. Then she gave several sharp yells and stopped, sucking on her fingers. Minimal fussing on her part, for something that I had been dreading for a while.

My baby is very brave, and she sure handles vaccines a lot better than I do as an adult. 

Observations at 30 Weeks and 3 Days

Today I am 30 Weeks and 3 Days pregnant. I am feeling quite uncomfortable, and am dreading the thought that things can only get more rather than less uncomfortable from here on in. That thought makes me feel quite put out, but I know there is little I can do except to wait things out. So far pregnancy has been everything that I thought it would be, but also a lot worse and filled with more unknowns that I could have imagined. Still, a tiny part of me thinks It'll be worth it.

Anyway so far here are the worst 3 symptoms of pregnancy that I've experienced:
1) Gastric issues: 'morning' sickness that lasted somewhat into the early weeks of my second trimester; elevated GERD and IBS issues that ensure my stomach is usually almost always in some sort of discomfort, which then leads to...

2) Insomnia and sleeping issues: since getting pregnant I've alternatively been so exhausted I feel like I can't function, or been in a constant state of worry that I can't sleep because of either hormones or stomach discomfort. I have gone several nights without being able to sleep at all because of either reason, and now the thought of whether I'll be able to sleep gives me anxiety. Since coming back to Singapore, I've experienced 4 nights worth of sleeplessness where I can't sleep a wink until 7am+ the next day.

3) Symphysis Pubic Dysfunction + whatever other strange new pain that has just cropped up: around Week 18 I started to slowly notice a pain cropping up in my pelvic area whenever I walked. After one particularly straining day when I walked through Central Park, the pain started to get very severe. For a while after getting after getting back to Singapore the pain abated, but is now definitely here to stay, as it has been for the last almost 3+ weeks. Basically it's a deep, wrenching pain that I feel in my pelvic area, and it particularly affects my right side. I would rate it a good 7.5/10 on the pain scale, and it tends to be the worst right when I get up from the bed after lying down. I read someone online describing it as feeling like being torn apart - and while that seemed a little dramatic to me, when I experience it, that description does feel very apt. Joining this pelvic pain, for the last 2 days, is a mysterious sharp pain I feel on the left side near my tailbone. I don't know if it's sciatic pain, or something else altogether, but it's very distinctively different from SPD. As a result now, from all the pain, I waddle around slowly and hope I don't make things any more worse.

Basically, pregnancy has been one of most physically and emotionally trying periods of my life. I really cannot understand how some women say they enjoy it, or feel like goddesses. I am definitely not one of them. The main perk is that if I don't think about things, I can sometimes go several minutes on end forgetting about how uncomfortable I feel.

A Random Day

Today was one of those days where I just followed a parent around, with no real goal in mind, and just enjoyed it unfold.

I woke up around 9:00 am+ as usual, getting just under 8h of sleep. I saw the time on my phone, noted that I had forgotten to plug it to be charged last night, and felt thankful anyway that I had managed to get around 7h of sleep. I continued slowly rolling around in bed, waiting for the pelvic pains to lessen, as I browsed reddit. Then, around 10:00 am, I finally got up and went downstairs to have breakfast. At about 11:30 am, my Dad returned home from exercising, and I quickly went upstairs to take a shower, because I wanted to join him when he went for lunch with Uncle Joo Leong. Around 12 noon, it started to rain really heavily, and we both got into the car to head to Bukit Panjang.

From about 12:30 pm to 2 pm, we hung out with Uncle Joo Leong at the Bukit Panjang hawker centre. We ate Mee Sua for lunch, from one of the famous stalls in the hawker centre, and also had wu xiang. Then my Dad went to hang out with one of his old mentees from China, He Chao, and so we picked him up from his apartment and headed to a canteen in Ngee Ann Poly. Around 3:30 pm, we left and my Dad then drove to Clementi to pick up Ryan from his day care centre - one of the rare few days that Ryan actually decided to attend school. Then, we headed to Ghim Moh around 4:15 pm, so I could pick up my new passport from the Singpost outlet there. While I lined up to get my passport, Ryan and my Dad went to the Ghim Moh hawker centre to eat Chee Kueh. By the time we arrived home, it was about 4:45 pm.

And thus this is how my random day unfolded, just whiling time away until baby arrives, by following my family around.

NLB

Today marks exactly a month since I've been back home in Singapore. As always, the month seems to have simultaneously gone by fast, yet also slowly. Things have largely been uneventful, which in a pregnancy is always a good thing. I have fallen into a quasi-schedule of prenatal pilates on Tuesday, and following my parents/mama around on other days, interspersed with little meetings with old friends in between.

Today was also a Thursday, and hence also a day where Ryan has an art workshop at Ng Teng Fong Hospital in Jurong East. I tagged along so I could visit the library branch there after we had lunch. Before this, I had gone to the library in NEX a few weeks prior, and had just finished my last library book a few days ago. Even though I did bring some books back from the US with me, they tended to be slightly more serious pieces of work - and I have not been in the mood for anything weighty.

Thus, my objective today was to return those library books, and borrow some new ones. Much like my previous visit to the library however, I noticed something odd about where I found books that caught my fancy. Just like my previous visit (discounting the quick 5 min return trip I made to the NEX library to borrow Book 2 and 3 of a series a few days later), I would go through rows and rows of library books and find absolutely nothing that I wanted to read, but would then chance about just one row where multiple books looked appealing. As a result, all the books I would/have ended up borrowing all had authors with names close to each other in the alphabet. In my previous visit it was the MAs - Juliet Marillier's Blackthorn and Grim series, and Jamie Mason's Three Graves Full. This visit there's a little more variation - a mixture of HAs, GUs, and a lone GR; making up 3 crime thriller style books, 1 trashy historical romance, and 1 slim slightly literary looking book (my one concession to serious thought?)

Anyway, I am very thankful that in Singapore, libraries are so easily to access and are thoughtfully scattered around the island in convenient locales. It helps that they are cheerfully designed, and always look like welcoming spaces.

27 Weeks

Today I am 27 weeks pregnant. I am happy that yet another week has passed, which means I have only x amount of weeks left of being pregnant. Today was also the first time I've gone to a prenatal exercise class in Singapore, some 2 weeks after arriving back home in Singapore. These past 2 weeks have felt both slow in their passing, and quick when I think back of them. I hope by establishing a routine of sorts and meeting up more with my friends, I can both feel more comfortable and get time to pass a little quicker.

The one upside about being back in Singapore is that because I am walking a lot less, and able to walk at a slower pace (no getting trampled like one would otherwise on the streets of NYC), most of my right pelvic pain has disappeared. However I think because I swam using the breaststroke a little too aggressively on Saturday, I managed to reignite my pelvic pain again. Hopefully if I don't aggravate it, it the right pelvic pain will go away soon, because it really does make walking and other physical activities that much more unpleasant. The one downside of being back however, is of course the weather. It boggles the mind how hot it can get here in Singapore, even though a part of me knows NYC in July and August is utterly miserable as well, with the AC in NYC being dodgy to boot. 

Unsettled/Sentimental

Tonight is my last night in New York City. I've lived here for about 4 and a half years, and have had the last 6 weeks to come to terms with the fact that I'm leaving New York City - but these 6 weeks seem to have flown by in a heartbeat (caveat: ask me how I would have felt 6 weeks ago and I'd have replied that these 6 weeks would probably feel unending). While I'm not exactly the world's biggest fan of New York City, and God knows I've got very many negative things to say about this city, it has been the city I've lived in the longest besides Singapore, and the 'devil that I know'. I have adapted to this dirty cesspit of a city; learned to weave around the giant piles of poo, learned to passively aggressively fight back when people cut me in line at Trader Joe's, learned the thousand-yard stare in the subway when a panhandler comes through (even started to recognise a few regulars after a while), and learned how to quickly spot dodgy characters in my peripheral vision and give them a wide berth, all the while never losing my sense of politeness and friendliness.

This somewhat abrupt departure from New York City - as opposed to the original end-of-June that Jon and I had been anticipating for years - also comes at a very tumultuous time in my life. Jon and I are going to have a child. I'm worried about being separated from Jon for 3 months, and then another 2 months. I'm pregnant and physically uncomfortable, with pretty bad pelvic pains and hormonal insomnia. I'm worried about the 3rd trimester, giving birth, and taking care of a new born. I'm worried about moving to a new city and adapting to a life there. In September when I return to the United States with a 2 month old baby, we will be going straight to St Louis via Seattle. No more New York City for us - which also sort of works given that Jon and I currently don't stay in a very child friendly part of town. Basically it's a lot to digest at one go, and I haven't even begun to process my emotions in a healthy way. Instead I've been either avoiding them, or been preoccupied by other pressing matters. Tonight however, there is no more time left, and I am unable to not think about leaving New York City and all it entails, despite the fact that I still have other pressing matters to think about and things to do.

I know of course that everything will ultimately work out, and be fine. That I am very blessed to be so loved and coddled by my in-laws, my parents, my friends, and my spouse. Still however, the negative and worrisome emotions remain - at least for tonight. I just hope that I will somehow be able to get some sleep tonight despite my emotional state, or tomorrow's flight will be a misery. Fingers crossed.

Lao Ma Spicy

Today I met Shirin for lunch at Lao Ma Spicy, by NYU. We ended up staying there for over two and a half hours, just chatting and enjoying the repeated water top-ups by the nice wait staff. Today also happened to be one of the warmest days NYC has had in a while, so for the first time in months I actually wore a light wool coat out and it was just right.

In total, I walked about 2.3 miles today, which hopefully is enough exercise for today. 

DMV Midtown Manhattan

Today I finally went to the DMV, after having put it off for an inordinate amount of time. Years ago when I switched my drivers license from New Jersey to New York, I had gotten so caught up with chatting to the lady who was doing my license that I didn't notice that she had entered my birth month as Aug (8) rather than March (3). Rectifying the error however required me to fax some documents in, and as a result I never got the error fixed until now when I realised that I needed to update my immigration status anyway.

The DMV was, as expected of a location right in Midtown Manhattan, busy and verging on chaotic. Still, I have to say that despite the large volume of people there, my visit was not unpleasant - most of the staff were polite and friendly enough (and definitely friendlier than the staff I remember in the NJ DMV). It was however, long, as I got shunted around because of my immigration status. I ended up spending an hour and a half there.

Even though I was really tired afterwards, I decided to walk back home, in hopes of getting exercise and physically tiring myself out more. Last night was another one of those terrible insomnia nights - I slept zero hours and had to leave home for my 10 am appointment at the DMV. When these nights happen, I really feel at my wits end and wonder how I can cope with another 4 more months, but somehow manage to keep on keeping on - during the daytime at least. In total, I managed to walk about 2 miles, with pits stops at Duane Reade, Burlington Coat Factory and Dos Toros. I hope the walk is enough to tire me out so I can at least take a nap in the afternoon, because not being able to sleep worries me a lot, especially as it affects the overall risk level of my pregnancy.

Now, as I sit in front of the desktop slowly taking bits of my Chicken plate from Dos Toros, I feel the physical exhaustion set in. I can feel my feet slightly throb still, and an ache in my tailbone (more pregnancy fun). I can also feel the heat rising within me from acid reflux, and the dryness of my eyes from yet another night of no sleep. I worry whether I will be able to even nap at all. Still, this morning, as I made a last ditch effort to try and get at least an hour of sleep, I felt several strong kicks in my abdomen. Though I feel utterly miserable physically and mentally, I am thankful at least for a sign that baby is well and active - and just maybe all of this suffering will not all be in vain.

Life Changes

In early Jan I flew home to Singapore for about a month. Right before that I been feeling very ill and weak from a whole host of gastrointestinal problems that had begun in late Nov, problems that I attributed to stress leading to a nasty flare up of irritable bowel syndrome, and gastroesophageal reflux disease - problems that I had been diagnosed with years before. This was to the extent that I had started losing weight; the only consolation I could glean from how miserable I felt.

On 15 Jan, while during an appointment with the gynae, I found out I was 14 weeks pregnant. I can safely say that the thought of me being pregnant had never once crossed my mind, and so I was incredibly shocked to see a wriggly fetus during the ultrasound. I had sat in the chair fully expecting the ultrasound to bring up cysts in my ovaries (I had been diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome years ago), and instead there was a fetus, complete with heart beat and spine. I had somehow passed the entire first trimester in complete ignorance of the fact that I was now carrying another being inside of me. I can also safely say now that I know exactly how, physiologically, how shock feels.

Since then I've have faced a whole wide ranging host of emotions. Breaking the news to my friends and family was crazy and also entertaining, but at night I worried about the logistics of everything - Jon and I were supposed to move to St. Louis in late June for his fellowship, and baby's estimated delivery date is 16 July. Then there was the issue of air travel, was I well enough to travel back to NYC; and is it a good idea for me to stay there to give birth? In the end Jon and I decided that I will fly back to Singapore for the 3rd trimester, and give birth there. Jon also managed to postpone the start date of his fellowship to Aug, and so will spend July in Singapore.

Still worry about a whole host of everything, even though the big questions have been settled. Currently at 19 weeks, these are the things I worry about: Will baby turn out fine and healthy? Will I be able to sleep tonight (because I've been getting bad insomnia as a result of pregnancy hormones)? How much more uncomfortable will the 3rd trimester be (because I've had a shitty time so far)? Am I going to get gestational diabetes, or pre-eclampsia? How horrible is the birthing experience going to be? What will living in a new and unfamiliar city be like with a baby? And so the list of worries goes on, and there isn't really anything that can be done about these worries except to soldier on and let time pass, which is perhaps the most difficult thing about it all.

Le Delice

Around the corner from my apartment is an old school bakery called La Delice. I used to walk past it all the time on the way to and from the 28th St subway, and inevitably more times than once I'd find myself walking into it without much thought after smelling the baking sugary goodness in the air as I walked on the south side of 27th street. Since August however, the 28th St subway has been closed for renovations, which also meant that I now walk a different route to get to and from the 23rd St subway (as an aside - I really dislike the 23rd St subway because walking to it involves navigating down far more crowded and busy streets; it also has no convenient MacDonalds right by it for sudden french fry cravings). This inevitably resulted in me ending up at La Delice far less. As a substitution I supposed I ended up buying Lloyds Carrot Cake, especially since my student teaching school was a stone's throw away from its East Harlem outpost.

Anyway I didn't give it much thought until today. I was walking back home from Burlington Coat Factory on 23rd St and 6th Ave when I thought to pop by La Delice. I had originally forced myself out of the house for the sake of health (mental and physical) and had embarked on a rather joyless trip to Burlington because I needed to at least walk for a bit. Burlington was very crowded, and the lines were long, and people were angry (I don't know why I still find this surprising about NYC; everyone is always pissed and testy). I ended up finding a small gift for Merlina, and also purchased a bag of Albanese gummy bears as I heard they were supposedly the best tasting gummies around. After spending sufficient time spent standing and out of the house, I walked home and kept thinking about how the fact that I had finished that activity meant I had made it for yet another day - something rather bleak and pessimistic in tone.

Just as I was walking down 26th St, it suddenly occurred to me that I should pay a visit to La Delice, especially since I had originally left the house just over an hour earlier thinking about picking up a sweet treat for Jon. So to La Delice I went, and I selected a slice of white chocolate and chocolate mousse cake, and a chocolate chip cookie. As I went to pay, I looked at the lady serving me and wondered if she was the same assistant that always helps me, but she looked more made up and so I wasn't sure. It wasn't until she handed my change back to me, smiled at me and said, "Welcome back!" that I knew it was her. Walking out, I then started thinking about how it indeed had been a while since I was there. Sometime a few months ago I wandered in to buy macarons, but that had been at least two months ago, especially because I've been so sick. I also thought about how her comment made me feel warm and fuzzy inside - it's always nice to be recognised - and how that comment has definitely made my day.

It's the little things in life.

More Books

I finally finished student teaching last week Wednesday. It was probably the most tiring, health-draining, emotionally exhausting few months I've ever had in my entire existence. Yet at the same time, it was also extremely emotionally rewarding and bittersweet. Since finishing student teaching, my priority has been to try and get well again, as my health has suffered and I'm currently the weakest that I've probably ever been. It also doesn't help that the gym I usually go to is closed for renovations, and so I am also deprived of that activity to help gain my strength back.

Last week I finally finished A Plague of Doves by Louise Erdrich. I had originally started the book over a week ago, when I started teaching the unit on Westward Expansion to the 8th Graders. I ended up being so ill and tired that I couldn't finish the book until after student teaching ended, because all I could do when I got home was nap and hope I didn't get more ill. Anyway, A Plague of Doves turned out to be a very different book from The Round House, which threw me off a little. A Plague of Doves was a lot more nuanced, and read like a study about the overlapping lives of the Native Americans and the white settlers, and their respective descendants. Unlike The Round House where there were clear villains, most of the characters in A Plague of Doves were presented as figures in different shades of grey morality - human and relatable. 

Since then, I have also finished two more books, The Wild Inside by Christine Carbo and Strike Your Heart by Amelie Nothomb. The Wild Inside is part of a series of mystery thriller books set in Glacier National Park in Montana, which I enjoy for its unusual setting, and Strike Your Heart is a slim novella that I received as part of sponsoring something on Kickstarter. Clocking in at 135 pages with a medium sized font, I ended up finishing Strike Your Heart in less than 12 hours after picking it up last night, and it definitely stands out as one of the more unusual books that I've read in a long time. A simple and sparsely written prose about the damaging effects of selfish motherhood, Strike Your Heart is able to paint complex portraits of emotions with very little words. It reminded me a little of Edeet Ravel's The Cat.

Accountability

The ultimate number one way to end up with messed up children who don't contribute anything back to society is to never hold them responsible or accountable for anything - the actions they take, the things they say, the decisions that they make as conscious human beings. I don't what else more I can say. 

Gilead

This week, I finished reading Gilead by Marilynne Robinson. Although on a level, I could appreciate at artistry that went into crafting this book, on another level I found it hard to relate. It felt very much to me a book that would have better appealed to someone who was either middle aged or male, preferably both. The overall narrative is of the loving yet tumultuous relationships between 4 different sets of fathers and sons - John Ames' father and grandfather, John Ames' father and himself, John Ames and his young son, and John Ames and his namesake godson John Ames Broughton.

While I appreciated that this book was very well done, the narrative didn't quite strike a chord with me. Maybe I needed to read it as an older person, or read it in quieter spaces (e.g. not on a NYC subway). I did however, enjoy the historical details about John Brown and the abolitionist movement in Kansas. Overall, I would give it a 7/10. 

3 Memorable Books

Since student teaching has started, I haven't had much time for reading at all. Still whenever I have the chance, I read. These days I get most of my reading done on the 6 train, as I go to and fro school. Back and forth from my subway stop to the school's subway stop, it's about 15 minutes each, and since I usually get a seat, I am able to read for that time.

So far I've finished a few books this week, but out of these books, 3 stand out (well +1, if you include the sequel to one of the books). These 3 books are Leigh Bardugo's Six of Crows (+ the sequel, Crooked Kingdom), Julia Alvarez's Yo!, and Edeet Ravel's The Cat, the latter for which I just finished this morning.

I read Six of Crows early on in student teaching, as the students in 7th Grade were reading that as one of their books for Lit Circles. It turned out to be a very well written and entertaining young adult fantasy book, with some very memorable and well-sketched characters. The moment I finished the last page of Six of Crows (which had been loaned to me by the 7th Grade ELA teacher), I ended up going onto my Kindle and immediately purchasing the sequel, which I then finished over the rest of the weekend. I would describe the plot as a mixture of fantasy Oceans's Eleven, but executed in a way that felt more entertaining and meaningful than The Lies of Locke Lamora, which I had read during the Summer. I would rate these books both 9/10.

Yo! was a book that I had picked up on a whim at Housing Works. I had previously read In the Time of the Butterflies before, and thought it was just OK. I did not feel very impressed with it, although it was obviously a book written during a very important historical period for the Dominican Republic. Yo! has a similar narrative structure to In the Time of the Butterflies, alternating between different narrators. A key difference of course is that Yo! revolves around one person, the titular protagonist Yolanda and her journey through life as an individual. By focusing only on a singular person however, Alvarez managed to flesh out a very human character that is equal parts flawed, confused, and heroine. Though at times bordering on the absurd and silly - I really disliked the part about the stalker and thought the nonsense about her old college professor seemed unrealistic - the book still possess enough artistry to get away with those two low points. I would rate this book 8/10.

Another book picked up on a whim at Housing Works was The Cat. I was - of course - initially attracted by the title of the book, but it proved overall to be a very moving and simple read. Unlike many authors nowadays who can write mountains of text based on the most prosaic of events in their characters lives, Ravel does the opposite and is sparing, almost stingy, with her words. She also breaks up her narrative into short chunks, separated by line breaks. Somehow, even by doing these two things, she still manages to paint a deep and rich world in the reader's mind. One example is this short section: "The leaves are turning. I lower my blinds against the glowing forest, the clear blue sky. I don't want to see what my son can't see." The result is a heartbreaking portrait of a grieving mother trying to navigate a new world without her son, and the cat, Pursie, which is enough to keep her going just long enough for her to find her own momentum to keep moving forward in life. I would rate this book 9/10.

Saturday in Astoria

Yesterday Jon and I had one of those rare, free and spontaneity filled days. He had the idea of taking the NYC Ferry across the East River to Astoria, and for us to visit the Socrates Sculpture Park. Then I had the idea of visiting AbuQir, which Marc had told me about a few months ago. This then made me think of asking Marc and his girlfriend, Amanda out for a beer if they happened to be free, and so I texted him. And with that, we had the bare bones outline of a plan for the day.

Jon and I took the NYC Ferry to Astoria from the 34th St dock, and it turned out to be a very nice ride. The Ferry was 90% empty, and made stops at LIC and Roosevelt Island, before dropping us off at Astoria. We then walked about 3 minutes to get to Socrates Sculpture Park, which was quite small but filled with people. There were sculptures scattered all around the park, and a mixture of volunteers helping sweep up fallen leaves, and families with small children goofing around. There was a lone market tent open, for Hellgate Farms which turned out to be a local city farm with apiaries on top of buildings in the LIC area. Intrigued, we bought a bottle of spicy ketchup. We ended up spending around 15 minutes in total at the park, and then walked to meet Marc and Amanda at Astoria Bier and Cheese. It was interesting walking through that stretch again, because I used to do observations at a school right by the park, and the area has definitely changed since I was there about a year and a half ago - for starters there were a lot of Japanese places, complete with actual Japanese script.

Astoria Bier and Cheese turned out to be a really cute shop and bar kind of place. We ordered a pretzel with bier cheese, and Jon ordered some sort of beer, and I had a wildberry cider which was really good. After a while Marc and Amanda came, and we ended up hanging out for about an hour. I also bought a spicy prosciutto spread that I saw in the cooler, and a bar of blanxart chocolate (I had it years ago in Spain - and remember it being the best I've ever had - but haven't seen since). Then we walked down the Broadway to catch a bus to Little Egypt, to AbuQir. AbuQir turned out to be packed, and almost exactly like Astoria Seafood, but much more smaller. The food took a while to come because it was very busy, but it was very good. The only regret was that I wish we hadn't ordered so much fried calamari, but instead had smaller portions of everything else.

After AbuQir, I googled 'feta Astoria', because I recalled Irias talking about a place in Astoria that sold several types of feta cheese - her favourite kind. I ended up finding Titan Foods, and we decided to walk there since it was right by the subway anyway. Titan Foods was a cute small Greek specialty supermarket, and we picked up three things: a decadent chocolate cake with almonds, 1/2 pound of Bulgarian feta, and 1 large takeaway carton of fasolada (Greek Bean soup). We then lucked out with the subway, as it came about 4 minutes after we were waiting at the platform; when we passed other stations we saw that the duration for the subsequent trains were about 15 minutes each.

We got off at 23 Street, and then went to PetSmart, which was right by the subway. It was Jon's first time there, and I have to say it was probably the most crowded that I've ever seen the store. We ended up not buying anything because the lines were very long and we didn't want to wait.

By the time we arrived home, I felt utterly exhausted. I ended up sitting on the couch, all zoned out. Jon joined me after a while and we ended up watching a silly and raunchy Korean movie called Love Clinic.

All it all, it was a very satisfying and enjoying moderately adventurous day.

Memories of Student Teaching

I will miss this school when I finally finish student teaching. Although I have never felt more tired, I have also never felt more proud of the hard work that I've been putting in, and the relationships that I have formed with the students and teachers. For many of the students especially, as I never expected to feel such close bonds to them within a short period of time, given that the gulf between cultural backgrounds and experience is so large. Almost everyday I come home with an entertaining story to tell Jon.

For instance in these past few days alone:
- Telling students that we need to shove a little bit because tourists were cutting us for the Ellis Island security check, and one of them immediately said, "Stiff shoulders everyone!"
- A student taking coffeemate creamers from the cafe on the Ellis Island ferry, drinking them proclaiming to me that they 'tasted really good and were free!'
- Half-heartedly telling a student to stop feeding the birds when we were eating lunch on Ellis Island. He ignored me, I didn't care, and he kept throwing the bread closer and closer to where he was sitting with another student. Next thing I know they're all screaming and freaking out from 1) watching the seagulls bully the pigeons, 2) from the birds flying too close to them. Finally the other male student who was sitting next to the perpetrator somehow got bird poop on his jacket and sweater, even though no one knows how that happened
- A student telling me that I should be on My Weird Addiction because she always sees me drinking Juice Boxes. Now she calls me Ms. Juice Box
- A Grade 8 class bursting into the Cellino and Barnes song while I'm talking about the Haymarket Affair, because that's what they strongly associate any legal/court cases with

Some of the other more memorable events thus far also include:
- A student giggling like mad to himself because he contoured Margaret Sanger's face on a handout. I didn't even notice what he did until he showed the original to me; his contouring actually looked really good
- Watching students roll down the grassy slopes in central park, after the Grade 7 field trip to the Natural History Museum
- Figuring out how to replace the staples in the Lanier photocopier on the 5th floor

I should really take more pains to record things down, so I can recall them in the future.

A Typical Sunday

Things to do today:

1) Laundry

2) Visit Trader Joe's

3) Gym

4) Cook dinner

5) Prepare lunch things for week ahead

6) Grade student work

7) Plan lessons

8) Call my parents

Since student teaching has started, I have never felt more busy or tired. Although I can go home some days at 2:20 pm, right on the dot, I often stay for at least 40 minutes afterwards, if not for hours more. The hours seem to just melt away when I'm in the classroom after hours - there is always more planning, more grading that can be done. Although I am really enjoying myself, finding the experience rewarding and a learning a lot, I feel exhausted. 

First Day of School

Today was the first official day of school, and I ended up going up and down the 5 stories (the Social Studies room is located right on the top-most floor, the 5th) what must have been at least 10 times. Around the 5th time I went up and down, I started wishing that I had invested in a fit bit watch, just to see exactly how much unexpected of a cardio workout I was getting just by doing my 'job' as a student teacher. By 9 am I felt so completely disgusting and sticky all over that I wanted a shower, and by lunch break, I was pretty sure that I could smell myself even though I deliberately wore the strongest, sweat gland clogging-est deodorant that I had.

Just my luck that the first week of school coincides with another wave of heat, and that I picked a school that has 5 stories and no lift. At least the deli next to the school seems pretty good, because the school also lacks a staff fridge for me to bring and store my lunch in.

Pachinko

Earlier today, I finished reading Pachinko by Min Jin Lee. Although seemingly as equally thick a tome at The Luminaries, Pachinko is considerably shorter, clocking in at only 479 pages. Told through a very simplistic third person narrative, this book was nevertheless an easy read that kept me turning the pages. I finished it in just under 36 hours, and Jon kept commenting that I looked very absorbed as I was reading - an apt description of how I felt about the narrative.

Compared to The Luminaries, I felt a lot more drawn in by Pachinko, probably because I was a lot more familiar with the geographic locations - Korea and Japan - and the history behind it. I had also long heard of the burakumin ethnic Koreans in Japan, and the societal discrimination that they have historically faced. Generally, I also enjoy epic narratives that follow the stories of characters over a long duration of time, and Pachinko's narrative fit neatly into this category. I would rate Pachinko 9/10.

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For dinner today Jon and I met with Hannah outside our house, and together we three walked to the West Village to eat at Kish Kash, a restaurant serving Moroccan food. The restaurant's claim to fame is its couscous, which is made in the restaurant by the chef. The food was good, the price reasonable, and the decor pretty. Afterwards, we made a quick stopover in Milk & Cookies bakery to buy some cookies for dessert later, and then walked back home. In total, it was about 4 miles worth of walking, which was great since I had pretty much been sitting all day and reading. The weather was also nice and pleasant, and so, good for walking. In all, it was an enjoyable outing.