Off to Shanghai to melt more

I was packing for Shanghai and ran across this old t-shirt. I bought it in 2004 in Langkawi and wore it to bits. I loved it a lot. It is now definitely too small for me to wear anymore, so RIP monkey surfing t-shirt.

I feel old and overgrown, but not necessarily much wiser.

Will be back on the 1st of July. See youse.

I feel like shit

Since coming back to Singapore, I've had far far better days.

My Aunt Janet died 1 day before I was due to fly back. I was notified by a text from my mother while I was packing. I looked at the text, sat down and then got up, sat down again. I was too stunned. I ignored the text and half chatted to Zoe/packed. My mother called me. The past two days since I've arrived back in Singapore were spent at a void deck in Buangkok at a funeral. I was not too close to Aunty Janet, I saw her like maybe 2-3 times a year, but of all the Aunts on my mother's side, she was one of the closest. She was always happy and smiling, in her happy-go-lucky way. The last time I saw her was in December, ironically at a death anniversary of a relative. I was curious and wanted to watch what was happening, and she told me to go closer and watch. Well, I can now honestly say I've witnessed a full Chinese funeral.

I saw my Guo Mah wail, at the death of one of her youngest children of 8. My cousins crying, my aunts and uncles crying. One of the worst was seeing my Uncle, her husband cry. I wasn't even around at the hospital when she died, my mother said that was worst. I am all worn out now.

That, amongst other things, makes me wish I had never left London.

Last night in Passfield Hall

Last night was the last night I spent in Passfield Hall. Hardeep said this to me last night as we hung about, but I felt really tired to think much about it, but this was the first thought on my mind as I woke up to an eyeful of luggage and boxes. It is the last day here.

I think of how much I longed to get out of this place, especially in the Lent Term of school (Jan - March), but now realise I have slipped into indifference. I love how looking for people is always easy, but at the same time being in a dorm fills you with a sense of loneliness especially when your friends are busy/out travelling. Last night I ate dinner alone (very rare for me) and I brought a book as a companion. As I chewed the unappetising fish and stared at the blank wall ahead, I thought about random scattered thoughts while trying to push off that old lonely fear again. But then after dinner, I got up and went into the TV room where lots of recognisable (and some friendly) faces were watching England vs Algeria. I sat down to watch too.

After the match, I was left frustrated with England more than anything else. The lonely feeling was gone. I hung about and talked to people. I went back to my room for a bit, showered, then came back down to talk to more people. I discovered yet another person was leaving LSE for good. I discovered you need to eat 6 eggs a week to get all your Vitamin B12, and I discovered that Guinness is the alcohol with the least calories at 170. I thought about how I ought to being more responsible and cook healthy food next year.

I thought about next year.

Less than 48 hours till I fly back

I just checked into seat 75H for my flight back on Saturday - this very clearly means that I only have 48 hours left here. How agonisingly the academic year started, sped up, slowed down to a sloth's pace and then started to jog along from Easter onwards. Now Christoph has left and I am packing to leave myself, back to Singapore for 3 months+

These next 48 hours will be a busy one, with many squeezed in social engagements (4 - Stephanie and Jiahui, Kaijun, Passfield Govt/IR people, Jon Kong), as if the past few days itself have not been jampacked enough (Amsterdam, lunch with Christoph, All My Sons playing at the Apollo Theatre with Dexter and Jason). Hopefully things will all turn out well.

Brighton was very windy, I got lots of headaches. Still the food was good (had moules and beef carpaccio!), so lots of om nom nom, plus the company/time with Christoph could not be beaten (:

Honey bunny, I'll miss you.

The Oak

So, I'm in Brighton now staying at Court Craven. The first thing I notice before we walk through the door is a "No Vacancy" sign. Then the caretaker says no one else is staying in the place except us.

Therefore, if I suddenly disappear from this place, it is because we have been killed by a serial killer ala Season 4 Episode 4 of Criminal Minds.

Also, I watched the North Korea versus Brazil match - it was excellent and great fun. I don't remember enjoying a match as much as this since I saw the Brazil versus Germany final match in 2002. North Korea scored too! I am very happy.

Fucking Hammersmith Line

Coming back after a good trip to Amsterdam, a ride on the London Undergound back has been enough to completely ruin all the fun I had there. I have had it with this Goddamned fucking overcrowded hell hole full of the world's most self absorbed people. There is no way in hell I will remain here for long after university, I am definitely not going to lay down any roots here.

Urgh I need to pack

I went to the doctor's again today (and as an aside, NHS is not too bad at this - plus it's all free!) and I was given two types of anti-biotics: NO ALCOHOL FOR ONE WEEK!

I leave for Amsterdam tonight. This is really crappy news, although not too bad since I'm not some hardass drinker. I guess it's time to research whether the antibiotics react with other things.

On another note, on the way back I walked past the UCL Cancer Institute, and on the steps there were 2 people smoking.

I feel tired

So the exams are over, meaning I have lots of free time. However the end of exams also means all the shit that I have been putting off doing suddenly needs! to! be! done! I am glad however that today I managed to get quite a few errands done.

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday (1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th)
...were melded into one big exhausted ball of exhaustion thanks to 3 exams, one after the other. It was spent half studying and talking over things with Chris Rowley, J. Hahn, Aneesh, Anu and Hwa Young and half being exhausted (on Tuesday after what must have been 3 panic attacks in one day, I just hit the limit of where I was too tired to panic any longer).

I met random friendly faces and chatted a bit here and there - found out amusingly that all my classmates think I'm a really calm and carefree person - mainly because I just plain gave up on GV100. I had lots of tea, lots of painkillers and sleeping pills at night. My eyes were dark circles.

At random intervals during my last exam, I'd daydream mid sentence and mid thought about how I was going to be free in just a few hours, and all the lovely free things I'd do. Phwosh. And then I was free, chatted a bit to Ashraf who was in the same examination room as me, oddly enough, and then set off to meet Anu, Zoe, Aneesh and Hwa for a pint and a pir at Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese. We wandered back to LSE after and I had a G&T in the Three Tuns. I walked back, packed and showered to meet Christoph for dinner at his place. He ended up bring me to (I think) Le Pont de la Tour for dinner at Butler's Wharf, and then we walked back to his place.

Saturday and Sunday
...was spent sleeping a lot. Thank goodness. I also cooked stir fry here and there.

Monday
...I went to meet Jia at South Kensington to finally see the Grace Kelly exhibit, which was a bit smaller than expected. She followed me to Piccadilly Circus because I wanted to return some stuff to Uniqlo, and we ended up shopping there and at H&M up the street. We also turned a corner around Glasshouse Street and found a random enclave of Japanese foods supermarket and resturants. We also found a European Bookstore which sold only non-English European languages books. We ended up buying sushi and edamame and ate it leaning outside the Aquascutum store on Regent's Street. We walked back towards Goodge Steet and went to Tesco to buy some juice. As she wanted to rush off, she left early. A minute later I rounded the corner and she was there, so we ended up talking again.

I then headed back to my dorm and washed up, getting ready to leave for Aldgate East for Deborah's party. Christoph picked me up at the tube station and we walked to her place. Didn't really know many people, and was tired so I sat in a corner and talked to Christoph and Nikolai while drinking. Started blowing up balloons. After feeling a bit tipsy, I decided to hide in the kitchen and randomly had a conversation with another girl called Natalia who was about to leave. I put a corkscrew in the fridge because I thought it was funny, and decided to wash the dishes and broke one when it slipped from my soapy hands >:( I also saw real Tom and Jerry like mousetraps. Was in mild awe. Then I took a spatula and tapped the trap and it snapped shut, just like in the cartoons!

I decided I was probably being a bit too destructive, so I went back to the main living area and talked to Lawrence for like 20 minutes on National Service and Education - which kind of astounds me because all I wanted was to sleep. Then I realised Christoph was being tipsy, which meant I needed to sober up. I can't remember what I did to sober up. Midnight came, and so did his Birthday Wishes, and then we left with another girl who happened to stay in Elephant and Castle.

Elephant and Castle is one of the dodgiest neighbourhoods in London. Already around Liverpool Street which was dodgy enough, at a lit bustop along the main road and waiting for 100, a man dressed in a yellow track suit and bottoms came by asking us repeatedly for cigarettes. Dodgy enough, but he went away after a short while. When we arrived back at Elephant and Castle, we walked her back. Just as we were about to turn into her estate along Browning Street, some black guy (God I feel so racist for saying this, but it was true) turned around a corner and started following us, shouting "Hey are all of you together?" repeatedly. We ignored him and took the long way around in to her estate. This was around 1-2am in the morning, in the London ghetto and in a dark and quiet-er residential area with no one around.

I was totally freaked out. On the way out, I kept looking behind because there were lots of small unlit alleyways on the side where someone could hide. It didn't help that the area was not lit properly as well. This was the first time I felt really unsafe in London, and I was quite shaken. We walked back towards Falmouth Road, and stopped for fried chicken on the way, om nom nom.

TuesdayAte at Dragon City along Walworth Road as a very late lunch and was completely stuffed. The dim sum and Chinese food there is seriously better than any joint in Chinatown and is very comparable to Singapore. Then walked with Christoph to Blackfriar's bridge, stopped along a coffee shop at the Oxo tower and had ice cream and a drink. We did half of the South Bank walk, and I took some pictures. Then, we walked across to Embankment, to a bar chain which I now forget for drinks and a burger with friends.

WednesdayToday I did a crapload of errands. Exchanged money for tomorrow's trip as a very bad rate, urgh, went to the real estate agent's to hand in money, had lunch with Ashraf at Assa, picked up some medicine from Boot's in Euston and went to buy a stamp for a long overdue card for my Dad.

I need to do the laundry.

Hamsterdam

I really keep feeling like a hamster. Last night I was tired and could not sleep. Instead I lay in bed thinking about different tasks like "Call Housing Agent", "Return Library Books" and "Meet Jia at 2pm in South Kensington, and if I want Subway for lunch I need to leave at 1:20pm". I kept getting up just to scribble all of these thoughts down on a piece of paper in order to attempt to be free of them.

And in other new, thank goodness exams are over. Some went better than expected (GV100, EH101) and some went worse (GV101), but in the end they were all doable. Phew.

Oh gawd, EH101 tomorrow

I don't think I've ever been so pumped up with medication in my life, from extra-strong painkillers, sleeping pills, anti-anxiety medication to medication to calm my stomach.

I've also never been so strained before an exams in my life.

The 11th Hour

I need to stop this shit, and get up and FIGHT!

I have dreams that make me wake up tired

I had a dream, where I was in a luxurious glass panelled house by the beach. It was a house owned by one of my relatives, and there were floor length glass windows with black frames. The rest of the house was painted white. It was somewhere tropical, and I work 'Phuket" lingers about in my mind, but I'm not too sure.

Anyway I was on the beach sunbathing with my cousin and aunt, but walked back into the house because I got tired of the sun. As I was inside, staring out at the sea - a startlingly clear blue colour - when the waves started to rise slowly and slowly, and before I could run out to warn them, a large 10m tall wave rose and crashed on the beach and flowed to the house but stopped by the windows. The water level at the house was more than the ceiling and the windows were nothing but sea and disturbed sand.

I had to be held back screaming as I wanted to race out an go look for them, while my other relatives (uncle, dad, mother I think) kept saying that it was no use, for they were gone.