Being Back

I arrived with my Mum, the girls, and 50lbs x 8 luggages on the evening of 8 Dec 2025. During the entire 18 hour flight I ended up not watching anything for the first time. Instead I read a book (Everyone in this Room Will Someday Be Dead by Emily Austin) and read Manhwa on my phone.

Last week was spent getting over jetlag, and getting reoriented again. I realised weirdly that because I had only been away for 4 months this time, my shortest time in between visits in decades, it felt like I had never left to begin with at the end of Aug. However in between these few months I have also endured so much suffering and pain, that it felt absurd to realise that it really had only been a few months since I was last in Singapore. Yet all the same I felt like I had aged a decade in the interim. 

This week was getting the girls set up for a life in Singapore. We bought E's school uniforms on Monday, and I started both her and M on some Chinese classes. Meanwhile the Ikea furniture I ordered arrived and my Dad spent a lot of the week fixing most of it up (I helped when I could, but mostly I had to be with the girls and watching them). Next week we will move over to Mama's house, and my parent's home where I grew up will no longer be my base in Singapore. 

I've been listening to 3 songs by The Killers a fair amount lately. Not sure what that says about my state of mind. When You Were Young, Human, and All These Things I've Done play on and off intermittently in my head. In general I don't want to think too much, so I don't. I am actively aware that I am actively refusing to think, but I don't quite think I'm in a state of denial. When I met Ianthe and JH last week they talked about me perhaps being in a dissociative state, and maybe that's what I am in for now.