Goodness

Yesterday I wrote "I feel like gnawing away at my cup now" in my diary. 24 hours later, another teabag of Twinning's camommile, honey and vanilla tea, I still feel like gnawing away at my cup.

I kind of miss the good old days of ACSI where after one gets dumped (well for me anyway, certains females have proved this is not always the case - either that or they are good hunters) everyone stays the fuck away and I get more than a year to recover and find my bearings again. Here I get bombarded with the silly advice of "get a rebound!" and tossed about by many people who think I would do be good to be out on the dating market again.

And I have tried. Meeting new people and all. But those who I am remotely interested in are not interested in me. Then there are the really creepy ones (like Monobrow who loves staring at me, has bad breath, the sense of humour of a brass doorknob and the severe disposition of a hundred year old wooden floor of a funeral parlour, then there's fucking Korean small eyes who kept trying to kiss me against my will and started groping me like crazy while clubbing and had to be rescued from - made me cry the next day and feel an extremly strong aversion to Korean looking people with small fucking eyes, to a nice guy friend who thinks horses lay eggs and tells everyone he likes me after two drinks) who are invariably ALWAYS interested in me ($*@$NDX@(VC.

I really wish I could take a break from it all and shrug it off. Be rid of relationships and all the damn ways it affects my life in a most negative manner. BE ASEXUAL. But no, there's the part in me I actively recognise as always wanting to be in a relationship for all the (supposed) love and security it brings. So it's bad enough I need to fight myself, without getting traumatised by all the weird frogs around jumping away at me and making me feel that little bit worse about myself.

Ribbit.