I remember last time when I was missing someone when he was serving national service. Someone told me "the nights are the worst" and I agreed.
Every night however my dreams and filled with him. I wake up. I try to fall back to sleep again. When I wake up again the pit in my chest has formed, a tight clench that hurts physically so much till I cannot fall back to sleep. I am exhausted both physically and mentally. It becomes hard to come out of bed everyday when one feels that it is so hard to hope, even when you know there is a life worth living the moment you get out of bed. Waking up depressed in the worst.
I once said missing someone was the worst feeling ever, I forgot to add the word "love". Missing someone you love is the worst feeling ever, especially when you know they're gone.
I've not felt such deep suffering in a long time, nor have I ever recalled fighting the feeling so much before either. There's a very large down, and a very hardworking little up to all of this.
Going to sleep with the knowledge this is going to happen is harder.
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