Ben Dover

Things I hate:
1) Being angry

Things I hate even more:
1) People seeing me when I'm angry

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I don't know why I'm so angry and frustrated today. In colloquial language I'm feeling damn SIAN. It started off well enough, lecture, class, etc. Lunch was with Dexter, Rufus, Khey Jo and Michelle at the Kebab place on Kingsway. The real frustration started to sink in during the 1pm to 3pm period where I was left to my devices. I ordinarily did work during this time, but today I was literally too sian to do work. So I read a bit for my presentation on Ireland then wandered off to the NAB.

I reached the NAB at about 2pm, just in time to see the mess of changing classes. It was quite nice actually, sitting there and watching people stream about. I saw a few familiar faces about. I then started reading Surely You're Joking Mr Feynman. I felt calmer and less annoyed. After a while Daryl, my History classmate appeared and we talked for a while before heading to class upstairs.

After class however my sian meter is filled to the brim. I AM DAMN SIAN. I see Zhi Wei and end up complaining to her. I walk back, and bump into Michele, my roommate, just outside Passfield. I come back and am still trying to get hold of Stephanie Yuen, who I usually go gym with on Mondays. I call her multiple times and cannot get hold of her. My meter is rising. I go out to use the bathroom, and they're BOTH occupied. I try and call again. I go and and the bathroom next to my room is STILL being used. I go the the other bathroom and some idiot didn't flush and it looks damn gross. ARGHBRU C@Y%*(C$Y *(@#$

Then I finally get through to Stephanie. She just finished the gym and is heading back. I REALLY REALLY lose my temper this time. Admittedly it was my fault for not replying her earlier, but I assumed she remembered I always finished class at 4 and could only go to gym at 4:30 earliest - but after a day of pent up frustration all I need is one more smidgen of irritation to really shove me over into ANGRY from simply FRUSTRATED.

On my way out, I kick open of the firedoors. Then I start thinking about whether there are CCTVs around. I decide I don't care, but at the same time refrain from kicking open the other doors on my way out. I shove off to the gym and meet Stephanie at the entrance of Passfield. I try to shove past before I show how angry I am. I walk to the gym.

At the gym there is a long line of people ahead of me. Inside the gym I can see people queuing up for machines. THAT'S GREAT. The counter girl asks me to wait for a while because I think I need to renew my membership. In the meantime while I'm slouched and leaning on the counter, and generally looking and feeling pretty bad I hear someone almost singing out my name and I jolt up in surprise.

Did I mentioned I've never run into anyone I know from LSE outside of LSE before? Well that now has changed because I ran into one of my History classmates. At the gym. In a bad mood. Of all freaking bad times to have to run into anyone, especially someone from a group where I am desperately trying to make friends with (GOD I sound like such a loser) and thus appear normal and happy/adjusted. And I turn around in surprise and there he is smiling and I have this absolutely stunned look on my face because well I AM STUNNED. That and I didn't even know he knew my name.

Blah I am still sian, 250-something calories less later. I hope it goes away, I have a presentation and an essay due in on Friday this week.