Tonight is my last night in New York City. I've lived here for about 4 and a half years, and have had the last 6 weeks to come to terms with the fact that I'm leaving New York City - but these 6 weeks seem to have flown by in a heartbeat (caveat: ask me how I would have felt 6 weeks ago and I'd have replied that these 6 weeks would probably feel unending). While I'm not exactly the world's biggest fan of New York City, and God knows I've got very many negative things to say about this city, it has been the city I've lived in the longest besides Singapore, and the 'devil that I know'. I have adapted to this dirty cesspit of a city; learned to weave around the giant piles of poo, learned to passively aggressively fight back when people cut me in line at Trader Joe's, learned the thousand-yard stare in the subway when a panhandler comes through (even started to recognise a few regulars after a while), and learned how to quickly spot dodgy characters in my peripheral vision and give them a wide berth, all the while never losing my sense of politeness and friendliness.
This somewhat abrupt departure from New York City - as opposed to the original end-of-June that Jon and I had been anticipating for years - also comes at a very tumultuous time in my life. Jon and I are going to have a child. I'm worried about being separated from Jon for 3 months, and then another 2 months. I'm pregnant and physically uncomfortable, with pretty bad pelvic pains and hormonal insomnia. I'm worried about the 3rd trimester, giving birth, and taking care of a new born. I'm worried about moving to a new city and adapting to a life there. In September when I return to the United States with a 2 month old baby, we will be going straight to St Louis via Seattle. No more New York City for us - which also sort of works given that Jon and I currently don't stay in a very child friendly part of town. Basically it's a lot to digest at one go, and I haven't even begun to process my emotions in a healthy way. Instead I've been either avoiding them, or been preoccupied by other pressing matters. Tonight however, there is no more time left, and I am unable to not think about leaving New York City and all it entails, despite the fact that I still have other pressing matters to think about and things to do.
I know of course that everything will ultimately work out, and be fine. That I am very blessed to be so loved and coddled by my in-laws, my parents, my friends, and my spouse. Still however, the negative and worrisome emotions remain - at least for tonight. I just hope that I will somehow be able to get some sleep tonight despite my emotional state, or tomorrow's flight will be a misery. Fingers crossed.
This somewhat abrupt departure from New York City - as opposed to the original end-of-June that Jon and I had been anticipating for years - also comes at a very tumultuous time in my life. Jon and I are going to have a child. I'm worried about being separated from Jon for 3 months, and then another 2 months. I'm pregnant and physically uncomfortable, with pretty bad pelvic pains and hormonal insomnia. I'm worried about the 3rd trimester, giving birth, and taking care of a new born. I'm worried about moving to a new city and adapting to a life there. In September when I return to the United States with a 2 month old baby, we will be going straight to St Louis via Seattle. No more New York City for us - which also sort of works given that Jon and I currently don't stay in a very child friendly part of town. Basically it's a lot to digest at one go, and I haven't even begun to process my emotions in a healthy way. Instead I've been either avoiding them, or been preoccupied by other pressing matters. Tonight however, there is no more time left, and I am unable to not think about leaving New York City and all it entails, despite the fact that I still have other pressing matters to think about and things to do.
I know of course that everything will ultimately work out, and be fine. That I am very blessed to be so loved and coddled by my in-laws, my parents, my friends, and my spouse. Still however, the negative and worrisome emotions remain - at least for tonight. I just hope that I will somehow be able to get some sleep tonight despite my emotional state, or tomorrow's flight will be a misery. Fingers crossed.
