Broccoli

Tomorrow it's Zoe's last exam, and I have successfully fed her on the night of her every exam (save once when she cooked for both of us, as we had the same HY234 exam). In the meanwhile, I have two more exams to go, incidentally both government modules. Today I reached home at about 7pm and managed to finish cooking by 7:30pm. I was impressed with how fast it took, and how tasty it was.

I made fish from some frozen fillets, cooked it in butter with lemon juice and some dill. Then I chopped up a zucchini and dumped it into a pot of almost-instant lemon and garlic couscous from Waitrose (the best tasting couscous I've had, I swear). For vegetables, I steamed up a large bowl of broccoli and cauliflower. It wasn't by far the most impressive meal I've made, but definitely one of the fastest for the amount of effort and time taken. Perhaps I'll keep it in mind when the next exam season rolls around and I need a square meal.  

In the meanwhile I've been cooking a lot, all things considered. Yesterday I made chicken soup at Flat 8 (Shu, Jean and Hui Min's place), on Sunday I made roast chicken with a rather interesting marinade of mango and peri peri from Marks and Spencer (note: please don't try this marinade). Before that on Tuesday last week I made Cielo and Zoe a meal of chicken adobo, rice and some random veg that I can't seem to remember anymore. Other than that, I can barely remember any other meals I've eaten. It seems that especially within this exam period, it either being the rather marathon like length of the exams or the drugs I'm taking, the days are really melting into each other, and I find it hard and harder to tell my days apart from each other.

In other news, I am almost done with watching Season 9 of Law and Order: Criminal Intent. I am really such a sucker for police shows. Perhaps I should just go back home and join the police force, since I'm so aimless in life anyway.

Sourdough Loaf

Today I went out with Cielo and Elliot, visiting the British Museum and the Wellcome Collection. First we went to LSE, where I showed Elliot and Cielo around (alongside jokes to demand to see the Dean of admissions because Elliot got rejected from LSE). We ran into DOMINIC LIEVEN as we got into the lift for the East Building and apparently I totally fangirled out in front of him saying stuff like I was sorry to see him leave for Cambridge, how I really enjoyed his lectures this year, etc. We then bumbled into the 4th floor, where we ran into Shu and Jean who were dutifully studying. Later when I showed them the library, we ran into Jon. Lots of people hanging around LSE nowadays apparently.

Afterwards we went to eat lunch at Nando's, then briefly went through the British museum to look at the Egyptian exhibits before going to the Wellcome Collection. Compared to the British Museum, I much greatly enjoyed the Wellcome Collection's exhibition on Dirt and the other random permanent collection housed upstairs. I bought a bookmark from the bookshop there that reminded me of a gummy for Jean.

For dinner, Cielo and I (Elliot went off to meet distant relatives) cooked chicken adobo and fried beans with rice. It was pretty tasty, but a tad bit salty.

In other news, it's back to work tomorrow, for HY234 on Friday D:

Lipton Mango Tea

Monday afternoon and I find myself in the LSE 4th Floor canteen again, nursing a headache D: I think it's because for lunch I sat in Lincoln's Inn Field with Deborah SL and got my brain cells fried from excessive UV radiation or something. Still it's nice out today, a comfortable temperature, save the occasional gusts of cold wind.

Yesterday was a tasty day. For lunch after church, Shu and I went to get takeaway from Hare and Tortoise. I had tempura udon with maguro tataki as a side (small portion, but oh so sexy tasting). On our way back however we were blocked from returning to her place because the scaffolding off a building around the other side of her block had fallen, on Southampton Row to be precise. As a result the police were blocking people from entering, lest the scaffolding collapse more. Just as we turned the corner to leave, a random Korean girl came out, saw the police cars and blocked off road and went OOOOH in a very Korean accent. We ran off giggling because it was so stereotypical, heh.

For dinner last night I cooked Bak Kut Teh, and as a result was completely distracted from studying because of the extremely alluring smell that permeated the entire apartment. I ended up sipping some of the hot soup while it was cooking and burning my tongue a little.

Tonight I'm going to meet Elliot and Cielo at Goldmine in Bayswater. I'm told the duck there is very good but er, I don't eat duck. We'll see.

Toothbrush

I finished Hanif Kureshi's The Buddha of Suburbia today. It was a rather strange book, it's content most unexpected. Still, it's the ending made it as a good book for me,

"And so I sat in the centre of this old city that I loved, which itself sat at the bottom of a tiny island. I was surrounded by people I loved, and I felt happy and miserable at the same time. I thought of what a mess everything had been, but that it wouldn't always be that way."

In other news, in a fit of randomness this morning before I brushed my teeth, I decided to boil water and sterilise my toothbrush like the way I had seen in Monk. When I did brush my teeth, the bristles felt softer. I half wondered if they melted, but then put it down to a psychological trick.

Waiting to Wait

I can't wait to get out of this bloody city and go home. Just three weeks more!

The interim between exams is really terrible. It's like waiting to wait.

HY235

Yesterday I finished my first exam, had my first pint (strongbow D:) in ages, met up with Nithi, bummed around without guilt for an entire afternoon, developed a crush on a fellow classmate and lost it within my waking hours, got a post-alcohol headache, did some opinion group thing online for one and a half hours, ate the chicken rice Shu cooked (tasty), played Sims on Jean's iphone, had an epic facebook chat convo with Eugene, read a few chapters of the Buddha of Suburbia, watched an episode of Law and Order and went to sleep around 2am.

Sounds like a full day.

Cherub

Today as I walked along the snaking queue for a Daddy Donkey Burrito (chicken, fresh salsa, no extras), a man slowed down as he got close to me. I heard him say the word "cherub" to me, and I was puzzled for a while as he walked off without breaking his stride. I could have sworn he said the word "cherub", but that didn't make any sense. Perhaps he meant to say "cheer up" instead? That certainly made more sense, for in the morning I suffered from extreme academic inertia. The thought of exams on Thursday, and me being unable to focus certainly dragged my mood down.

For a while after I got back, the only way I could study was to skype with Hadi and ask him to watch me as I studied, making sure I didn't get distracted -______- After a while, I had to leave to buy groceries (for I had promised to cook a nice warm meal for Zoe before her first exam) and met Jia at Sainsbury. Then we walked back, made stew and Elliot came over halfway. Dinner was spent with Jia, Zoe and Elliot.

I have done barely any work today, and it's making me feel antsy. Oh dear, exams!

Waterloo

Showing my complete lack of focus and dedication to exams (a trope repeated in previous years with Adam's Apple and Indigenes in 2006), I went to see A Screaming Man at the BFI today. Digressing a little, I recall now that Indigenes was also the first movie I watched alone. Anyway it revolved around the relationship between a man and his son and the civil war unfolding in Chad. The end is predictably, sad, as with all realistic movies. As the ending unfolded however, my thoughts drifted along a rather surprising person, specifically C. When the movie ended I felt a deep pang in my heart, not for the pain of the characters that I had just witnesses on screen, but because I missed C dearly.

As I walked up from the riverside to Waterloo bridge to catch the 341 home, I encountered a female panhandler with a black dog sitting at the steps. I gave her 40p. 341 came within 5 minutes, and as I rode it, I counted every 168 bus that we passed. There were 2.

C Prompt

I saw C today for the first time in weeks. I was originally fearful of running into him as I was afraid of how I'd react, what it'd do to me.

Last night I had a dream that occurred in present time. In the dream he came back to me, said what a fool he was, and that we would stay together for the rest of out lives - something we had talked about before. He picked me up and hugged me, and my legs dangled in the air, 40 centimetres of difference in height between the both of us. After that I dreamt of eating barbecued chicken wings with my father. They had freshly squeezed lime juice on them. We were inexplicably in an in Singapore airport, and I was about to depart for somewhere. There was a hawker centre in the airport terminal, a legitimate open air and dodgy hygiene sort of hawker centre. That was where we ate the chicken wings together. I woke up hungry, and to reality.

Today when I saw him, I felt my heart clench tightly. I felt my body go into flight mode. I backed up a little, and took the left most door out of the library instead of the centre one I was about to take. He wore his red jumper, and was talking to someone I didn't recognise. He didn't see me. He never did because he said I was too short and he was too tall, and that I (and 85% of the population) never appeared easily in his field of vision. He didn't see me today.

Escitalopram

I woke up really slowly today, curling into various positions as I attempted to wake up. I don't know why it's been getting harder and harder for me to get out of bed, but I suspect it's because the medication I take at night makes me drowsy. After I finally woke up, I continued staying in bed as I read David Mitchell's Number9Dream for a while. A knock on the front door from the mailman finally got me out of bed, as I raced out to the door to see him struggle to cram a package for Zoe through the little metal mail flap.

Now I am finally up and about, but a terrible feeling has sunk into my core. A feeling of 'Don't Go Out Today, Something Terrible Will Happen'. Except I can't. I need to go to the National Archives, a one hour ride away from my place, because I need to do research. 'Don't Go, There Is No Meaning', something in me screams. Another thought comes, 'You're Alone, All Alone In This World', 'You Will Come Home To No Dinner And An Empty House'. I feel the unmistakable feeling of panic begin to bubble in my chest. I feel very strained and tired, and it's only 10:50 am.

I was fine yesterday. Perhaps it's the thought of going to somewhere so unknown, I've never been to Kew before. Perhaps it's the thought that for once in a some time, I have no definite dinner plans today. Perhaps it's the thought of exams looming over the horizon. Either way I feel very tense today, with some dark inner side of me chiming "There Is No Meaning To All Of This" repeatedly in my head.

Cycle Hire

I've had a recent routine as of late on Sundays. In the morning I pack up my things and my work for the day, and leave my house at about 10:15 am to walk to Shu's place. I usually reach there around 10:35 am, and we leave at about 10:45am for church on Tottenham Court Road. After that we grab lunch, study, have dinner and I leave at about 9 pm to go home.

As I leave at about 9 pm for home, it usually means I walk home after the sun has set. Not only that, but I walk through fairly deserted streets as all the shops and cafes have closed for the day. Every single walk home is filled with little pockets of paranoia, and I always make sure to loop my fingers around my laptop bag's handles and get my keys ready in hand before I reach home.

Today as I was just about to step into my lobby however, I was stopped by two men at the Barclay Cycle Hire stand right outside. Naturally, I was really suspicious, as the entire road was empty. They said they were tourists, and one was curiously East Asian while the other was Caucasian. They were trying to get a bike but they said they didn't quite know how to work it. I hesitated, but walked slowly forward towards them. As I got closer and stepped into the light of the Barclay's stand they saw the unmistakable look of suspicion on my face, and they themselves looked a little taken aback.

Needless to say, nothing bad happened to me. Still, as I stood there for those moments and watched them trying to struggle to get the bikes out of the rack, I thought about how things had gotten this way. About how it's hard to be friendly and helpful in London because one is just so fearful, especially as a female, that Bad Things Might Happen.

Thus is life in a big city, I suppose.

Total Eclipse

As I was walking toward Sedap today to have dinner with a bunch of people, with only two that I know vaguely, I mused about the last time I experienced such an incident. It was more than a year ago, when I put on my Extroverted, Amusing and Charming face. It was the 14th March 2010, the day where I met Christoph at someone's birthday party. Dinner was at a Mexican place, and the food fell all over my plate as I tried to eat it. I sat next to Christoph, with him on my right. When we stood up at the end of the meal, I was amazed at how tall he was.

At the bus stop we spoke en route to the bar. He spoke about coming from a small town, how he liked forests and abhorred the city. I told him about the Soy Sauce story, and how my grandmother broke the news to my grandfather that my Aunt was marrying her American boyfriend. At the bar we spoke some more, drinks were two for one. He 'bought' me a drink, I 'bought' him one in return. I ordered Sex on the Beach, the girly fruity cocktail I always like. We spoke some more. He joked about having multiple girlfriends. At the end of the night, he left without getting my number and I was disappointed. When we finally did get together, I asked him about that. He said it was because he thought I wasn't into him. We laughed about it.

We got together, we fell in love. We spent the Summer apart. We had fights. We went on holiday. I met his Mum. I fell in love with her. I met his sister. I was scared of her. I met his Dad, he was a dear old man. We came back. We spoke about children, moving in and our future. We had the fight. We went our separate ways, strangers again, dead to each other.

I thought about that night as I walked to Sedap, trying to put on my Extroverted, Amusing and Charming mask again. Perhaps it would be a bad night, perhaps it might be a good night, but nonetheless it would be a night of untold possibilites.

Sprung

The snow drifts of winter have turned into the pollen drifts of spring. A few days ago my friends and I passed by a young girl who asked her father "Dad, why is the ground furry?".

The pollen lies all over the streets, blanketing out the original colours of the pavements and roads. It is a strange, mossy yellow colour. As far as colours go, it is not a very appealing colour. Yet the texture, the light feathery-ness of it can be discerned just from a glance. It brings about the idea of a lightness in the air, of tiny particles floating about and weaving through molecules of atmospheric gas. The sun is out now more often then there are cloudy days. The absence of stockings, trousers and boots show a clear shift in the mood of the people in London.

Spring has finally arrived to the joy of most, except for those who suffer from hay fever (not me, thank goodness).