Oh gosh Toileight.

Today was exceedingly dodgy. So dodgy that it actually trumps Anna, I think. It started out innocently enough with morning breakfast with Yihang and Jiayun at Simply Bread. I had a very nice mushroom omelette and stole lots of the tomato pieces off Jiayun's bruschetta. Then I got an SMS from Joel reminding everyone to be at school on time for filming, so I reluctantly left them and went to the bus stop.

When I finally reached school, I headed straight for the SAC only to find that no one (I thought) was there. This made me a bit cross yet amused because the person who demanded we be on time was later than I was. How fun.

Finally filming started around 12 p.m. plus and finally ended around 5 p.m. It was certainly a very interesting experience, partly because this was the first time in more than 2 years I was surrounded by people that were completely new to me (all Y8s + 1 Y5) and also due to the excessively dodgy nature of the content. It was also especially awkward at first trying to go through "lines" and having to deal with filming positions, but luckily the guy I had to do it with (a Y8 named Joshua) was funny and the awkwardness went away slowly.

By the time we finished my feet were killing me and everyone was half dying of heat stroke. It was excessively stuffy on the set and the rain + humidity didn't really help matters. Still I suppose, it's one of those things you do in life a few times, might as well enjoy it.

Oh Amazon Recommendations!

I thought I left IB far behind but as this screenshot proves I'm still inevitably living with it in the background.

Silly girl! Months tend to have 5 weeks rather than 4.

Urgh urgh urgh I suddenly feel really stressed out because when it comes to the upcoming spate of travelling I'm going to be doing (hello ozone layer, I am very sorry to contribute to you) I want to have my cake and eat it too: ie I want to be able to work for about a month again in between Nepal and USA because I cann't bear the idea of sitting at home at doing nothing.

The last time that happened I got mildly depressed. A month at home. No homework, no work, no incentive to do anything. I never felt more miserable. Work at least makes me appreciate my free time more and hence enjoy it more. This is reminiscent of the argument that we need *insert bad thing here* in order to enjoy *insert opposite good thing here*. Nyeh.

Anyway it's pretty much confirmed for anyone that is interested here that I'll be leaving for Nepal on the 2nd of May till the 14th of June and be flying off on the 12th of September for the UK for er, good. I don't know when I'm leaving for the USA as of yet.

Also I just realised that I'm very silly. I keep thinking a month has 4 weeks. I just realised I'm actually spending 7 weeks in Nepal as opposed to the original 6 weeks I wanted. Nevermind, this shall be some screwed up and extremelycompressed version of 7 Years in Tibet. Ohohoho.

Hihihihihihi ^_^

My right eyelid keeps twitching. It started on Monday. I do not like it.

À la recherche du temps perdu

Today was a rather strange day. It first started when Nicky and I went to Sub Courts and got kicked out of Chambers hearing because the Registrar complained the room was too crowded (well, 4 legal representatives for a Plaintiff's claim of $2000 is a bit of an overkill). This started us wandering around the courts trying to figure out what to do to kill time. Finally we ended up sitting in a court where the Judge was going through Petty Theft cases (we sat through about 5). When the cases had all been heard, I finally checked my phone outside only to find that Mr Tan and Mr Chua had been frantically trying to contact us for the past 30 minutes plus. Oops. My phone had 11 missed calls. I don't think I've ever had that many missed calls before.

Finally when I got back to the office after a tea break, I was told by my Uncle that my grandmother went for an operation today, without telling anyone about it -______________- so I ended up really worried and called her. This resulted in me having to change my plans of meeting Huang Yihui directly after work as I went to visit her first with my Uncle.

At around 7:10 p.m. I finally met up with Huang Yihui and we went to eat in Crystal Jade, later wandering off to Daiso. Meeting up with her was nice because I haven't seen her in over a year. It was then I realised she was really the only classmate from B3 that I still met up with, and that she was the last classmate I had seen over a year ago. Quite a pity considering she's overseas and I see her more than my ex-classmates which are based in Singapore. We talked about living overseas and how people have changed... and GK Goh, everyone's favourite Chem teacher. Finally around 9:20 p.m. we left each other.

I was all prepared to zone out and listen to random music when 77 came and I boarded it. To my surprise however the moment I stepped on, I saw this random figure moving about and an empty seat next to him. I look closely at his face and realised to my great surprise that it was Calvin Magnus. I was really happy to see him, and as I sat down and we were both going :o !!! at seeing each other, the girl in front turned around to look at us and she and Calvin both realise they knew each other, so it became 3 of us going :O:O:O !!!!!!!!!! from :o !!! It was pretty amusing.

As Calvin and I started to talk about Unis, someone from my not too distant past came on board the bus now. She recognised me, and me her, and we waved to each other and she came over. I was equally surprised to see her, if not more surprised than my meeting with Calvin, because I had not seen her in some time. This is largely due to the fact that I have been doing my utmost best to avoid her, simply because I cannot being myself to face her. This is also the part where I cross my fingers and hope she never sees this blog. I was so thankful that I had Calvin with me, where we could continue sticking to the general not-too-personal topic of university.

After I got off the bus, in the short 2 minute walk to my front door (+ during my subsequent shower), I started thinking about the problem I have with reconciling with an unhappy past. I first thought the more obvious thoughts, that it was unhealthy, bad, bla bla bla. Then a linkage suddenly formed in my head to yet another topic that has been bouncing in my head for the past few days, mainly that of maturity and it's definitions: another hallmark of maturity was coming to terms with the demons of ones past.

It takes courage to face someone that has wronged you before, and it take courage and heart to really really let go of things. What I've been doing all along is choosing to forget and let things slide, but personally I realised that I never really let go of these things in my heart - all the hurt and the pain, and the endless psychological torment, never really left. They just got shoved into cold storage and left to be dealt with when I was maybe on my death bed living a life with cumulative regrets.

This is brought to mind something else, namely that if I so choose I could just run away from this past without ever having to come to terms with it, what with my imminent departure from Singapore at the latter end of the year. However that would literally mean that I could theoretically never have to deal with such things, and thus by extension never actually mature emotionally.

As of yet I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with this sudden epiphany. I've been happily avoiding and staying away from such things for a long time now, and bottled the little seeds of discontent carefully in my heart. It's not going to be easy settling things now. Fingers crossed for the best possible outcome, whatever that may be.

Weekend Roundup I

Weekend roundup for 13th to 15th Feb:

Friday night was spent bumming about and talking to Yihang because Jiayun and Daryl couldn't make it. We ate as Pasta Fresca and wandered over to Coffee Bean in Guthrie house afterwards to talk..

Saturday afternoon was spent on a random !nk outing consisting of Gen, Daryl, Brendan, Jiayun and Yihang. Deb Khoo, Nic and Mong came along halfway too. We ended up bumming from the Projectshop Cafe, to Muji, to Tangs and finally Borders Cafe.

Sunday afternoon was spent on a meeting with Mai and Cielo to catch up in NYDC, Holland V. We ended up talking alot about our present jobs now.

Weekend roundup for 6th to 8th Feb:

Friday night was spent out with Mong after work. Met Wesley. Bought stuff from Spotlight. Also bought sake, which I have yet to drink.

Saturday evening/night was spent with Stephanie watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, which was really good. There was a woman crying in front, which I found a bit amusing. Admittedly, I also teared a bit, but at the part where his daugther has to grow up without him, not the lovey dovey part where most of the women around were sniffling at.

Sunday afternoon was spent with Ianthe watching 'What the Butler Saw', a damn wtf play at NLB. It wasn't too bad, but I kept cringing and dying at the more ribauld parts, like where the wife's character was writhing about and demanding to be spanked by her husband. It was so lame I just died. That being said, I also laughed a lot. Good stuff. Also highly dodgy.

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I seem to have a very boring life. Ho hum.

I'm listening to Breakeven by The Script now,

I have one more been stricken by another bout of air pollution induced asthma. Look out the window, notice how everything looks a bit more washed out and glow-ey, like a 'nostalgia' themed camera filter: that's the haze from goodness knows where coming back into Singapore. This means more wheezing and coughing for me, in addition to dry throateyness. Unpleasant, but by no means life threatening as the asthma I had in Manila.

This got me thinking again about the boundaries of medical science. I went to the doctor's for the asthma and went to the psychiatrist on Wednesday. Both made attempts to solve the problems, but neither provided end-all solutions. The doctor today gave me some cough medicine so I'd cough less and something to clear the phlegm, but I still have the asthma. The psychiatrist just nodded as she listened to me and just told me to take more medication, but I still get depressed/paranoid/anxious. Neither have solved the problem.

And the end of the day I will still be wheezing away and having to avoid all those dodgy (but exciting) countries with severe air pollution. At night when I sleep I will sometimes be rendered an insomniac by feelings of being watched and visions of a man which glowing red neon eyes attacking me, be on the edges of a nervous breakdown for the silliest things like missing the bus and be depressed intermittently. There is simply no solution to anything I'm suffering from, except to just throw drugs at the problem and hope that it helps.

This led me to yet another thought, how the worst medical problems that one can suffer are mostly a failure of the body's system. This of course should have been glaringly obvious with Cancer and it's big ugly sickle shaped head (how nicely reminiscent of the grim reaper) being the top killer of people today - unless you had your cells scrambled by radiation, your cells have effectively gone beserk without any outside stimuli.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with my train of thought here, but the words "you are your own worst enemy" have just come to mind.