I went shopping today

Today my OCD and boredom finally paid off. I was stuck, bored out of my mind as usual in Zara and waiting for my mother and her epic long changing room sessions when I wandered over to the cardigan display (this was after I went around try shoes on and laughing at how ugly/platform-ey/obscenely expensive they were). There the cardigans had been all messed up by thoughtless shoppers. They were unfolded and tossed about in little coloured lumps. So I started buttoning and folding them.

After I folded a few I spotted a black round necked cardigan that I liked (since mine was falling apart), but to my disappointment I saw that it was only size M left, so I went back to my folding. After I cleared the pile of round and v necked navy cardigans, the plum round necked cardigans, the black v necked cardigans I started on the olive v necked caridgans. However I soon got frustrated because people had piled all the cardigans all over the folded caridgans there. Even after I finished folding a cardigan there was no place to put it. I got annoyed and moved over to the other end of the table and attacked the black lump there.

As I was buttoning up one of the black round necked cardigans I checked the label out of habit...and it was an S! I felt really happy and went back to folding the other cardigans and to by delight there was also an XS there too. After dealing with the pile satisfactorily I went to try on the cardigans and ended up getting the XS.

Moral of the story? It pays to have OCD :D

This is like some Oscar Acceptance Speech -____-

Wow. Today I woke up and I felt happy. Happier than I've felt in ages, complete with the stereotypical 'woke with a smile on my face'. Then I started worrying whether last night was just a dream -____- It may sound strange but what I find most rewarding of it by getting in is the sense of vindication I feel after being left out of Drong's epic song and dance ceremony during results day. It doesn't matter that I didn't do as well as most of the Science muggers because I still got into the University that I want to go to anyway.

So really, thank you everyone for making getting into LSE possible for me!

Thank you my classmates from 6.9 who have been the best of friends to me, accepting me for all of my flaws, helping me when I was stressed and/or depressed, making me laugh with your irrelevance, tolerating my odd sense of humour and behaviour and providing the best support network possible in order for one's IB survival. So thank you Gerald, Cielo, Cheryl, Mai, Shao Xiong, Patrick, Song Yeong, Chun Wui, Gabriel, Matthew, Lex, JC, Justin, Ted Kin, Daryl, Nicholas, Mong, Jim, Joash, Elliot, Anne, Sui Liz, Gen Huong, JLC, Darren and yes, even Emil.

Thank you to my extremely random CCA group !nk for all the randomness and laughter that you've given me over the past year. This bunch includes (but is not limited to) Yihang, Jiayun, Arjun, Kaijun, Daryl, Loon, Stephanie, Gen and Brendan Ma.

Thank you to my study partners through the examination periods, for the randomness of IOC study period, to mugging everyday in the library right before IB exam day - Jiayun, Stephanie, Arjun, Kaijun, Mong, Gen, Elliot, Gerald, JLC and JC.

Thank you to my Math Studies classmates for all the randomness and laughter you've brought me plus the lessons you tried to teach me by getting me to 'chillax' and not stress out so much and so often, Hadi, Cheam, Han An, Eliel, Fraser and Gunawan.

Thank you my wizened friends, who gave both advice and encouragement throughout IB from subjects ranging from English WL to EEs to Personal Statement Advice. This lot includes The Alchemist, Anonymous Noises, Suat Ying, Karan, Daryl, JLC, Nic, Justin, Ted Kin, Elliot and Gen.

Thank you to my remaining few MGS friends I still keep in contact with for the good memories we've shared and the laughter that has yet to come, Stephanie, Jia Hui and Ianthe.

And thank you to my friends who are impossible to categorise but are still a joy to have around in my life nonetheless: Louis, Jess Mallek, Tricia, Sarah and Zhikai.

THANK YOU ALL.

I still owe Suat and Daryl my first and second born children.

HOLY SHIT I GOT INTO LSE!

...and the people (well 80% of them anyway) I want to tell the most are in NS having field camp ):

Today.

Today I had yusheng again for the 5th time this CNY, 4 times with The Firm and only 1 time with my family members. I wonder if there'll be a 5th time tomorrow.

Today I had to do more photocopying. When I was copying stuff onto the scrap paper I read the backs and it appeared to be about text messages retrieved from some database somewhere and it detailed the breaking up and subsequent communication of a married estranged couple with kids. One of the lines went "thank you for letting me try to win you back".

Today I came into the office really late because Mr Tan came late to pick me up as usual, then he wanted to go get breakfast right after we arrived at Market Street carpark. I felt guilty.

Today I went to the NUS guild house again for the 2nd time this week for lunch with most of The Office. I was there yesterday too.

Today my ankles are swollen from water retention and standing up from photocopying. This makes me feel grumpy because I don't like the feeling.

Today I am tired again.

HongLimPark.com is a 'Mature Gay Forum' with a Dildo Candle on it's Front Page. Oh My God.

I'm going to have to sign a confidentiality agreement really soon for my work in The Firm (not too hard to guess which one if you dig hard enough) so this is like my last chance to write and anything remotely oblique about the place and not feel guilty. For most of this morning today I ended up doing research in this really amusing defamation case. Someone had defamed our client on various internet forums and it was my job to try and dig around and see if there were any more such postings by him to be found.

Rather oddly one of the initial defamatory postings was on a gay forum. Using my super sleuthing 1337 interwebz skillz and using the other pseudonyms the defendant had been using prior (for he's being sued for defamation now) I gathered that that this person was heavily into the gay community in Singapore. This wasn't even the normal sort of forums one would expect, like needing help to come out of the closet but outright solicitation for gay sex. Needless to see as I was hunting him down online, I had a damn amusing job doing it. The tedious part came when I had to verify whether it was the same guy because there was a chance that we were looking at someone else all morning (which would also have been amusing, but in a rather bitter way).

The breakthrough finally came through at about 11:30am when I found a profile page with a picture of him, the e-mail he used on the other gay forums and linking it to the pseudonym used. Later verification with the Office Boy (who is like 10 year older than me... not really a boy anymore) who served the papers to the guy capped off the morning. Exhileratingly amusing. Moral of all of this? Don't go around defaming people recklessly and if you must, at least cover your internet trail properly (vary usernames and etc.) lest it all come to haunt you.

The Flame of the Forest Will Claim Many More Victims Yet

A car accident just occurred outside of my house. As my room windows were open I heard the bang rather clearly and loudly. I ran to the window and for a moment I thought I was dreaming as I saw leaves and twigs shower down from the heavens all over the place. However after seeing the mess ran downstairs and out of the house after telling my father. As I ran out my mind started reeling panic, what if the driver was so injured that I couldn't help? And as I ran I regretted that my first aid training had lapsed in 2007.

When I reached the car (about 10m from the house)/(wtf the ambulance is just here. The accident occurred like 10 minutes+ ago) I peeped inside and saw no one in the drivers seat, as I mentally wtf-ed and ducked around to the other side I saw mass of white material crumpled on the driver's side of the road with the wearer in a foetal position. I started speaking to her and tried to help her up, but couldn't really do much till my dad came a few seconds later to help her up and carry her to the side. To my shock the girl looked about my age (probably about one year older than me), and she was clutching onto her blackberry intently.

As far as I could tell the girl was fine. She had a few scratches on her right knee, complained of a pain in her wrist and was mostly dazed. She had just had an accident like many others outside my house - she crashed into the old flame of the forest tree right the Holland Road side turning to my house. She was very very lucky; I've seen similar accidents with the same tree that have left the drivers covered head to toe in blood. Yet somehow throughout all this I've been living here that tree has seen so many accidents and is none the worse for the wear. I could probably go into some sort of nature versus man spiel here but that is probably rather inappropriate.

Instead what's runnning though my head is the fear that I experienced seeing her age and associating it with a car accident, the burnt sooty smell that was inside her car when I went to go inside to get her shoes and handbag and her subsequent breakdown when her brother came to the accident site about two minutes later. I fear.

CNY Day II

Every year on this day (of the lunar calendar) I embark on an epic quest to visit all the relatives on my mothers side, the people I see mainly once a year whose names I don't actually know. The journey more often than not starts out in my guo mah's place in Lorong Ah Soo and then goes on to Aunty Rosalind's house, Aunty Janet's house, dunno who's house that is where we always have lunch and is 3 stories above guo mah's house, house that is next to Aljuned MRT station, house that is somewhere opposite the Tampines Rover Statium and house where Jianyang and family states (in Pasir Ris). This usually takes us from about 11am in the morning till 6pm in the evening. Like every subsequent day before that, I am now tired at the end of everything.

Today the topic relatives spoke to me about was about universities (used to be about me being blown away when the wind blows). This led to me thinking about how in one year's time (lunar year anyway) there would be a high probability that I would be shivering away in some cold wet corner of the earth and actually missing Chinese New Year and all it's trouble. I'm still not sure what to make of it. As much as I complain about how I hate CNY and visiting my mothers side for all the awkwardness it brings, it's been a yearly ritual of my life from 18 years ago when I was first born - and I've kind of gotten used to the fact that I will always know my cousins less than they know each other, and not mind it at the same time. It also seems like a pity how I'll not be seeing them in the foreseeable future for a long time too, with university and all to reckon with.

Oh well.

Moooooo.

I'm sure by now most of you (since I assume you are all Singaporeans) have heard about the recent Tan Yong Soon controversy where an MP was accused of being 'insensitive' to the needs to Singaporeans feeling the pinch of the recession. He had gone on a 4 week trip to Le Cordon Bleu in Paris to learn cooking with his wife. Because of the total cost of the trip, he was thusly accused by the self righteous blogosphere of Singaporeans who seem to take umbrage at every damn thing that they either don't posess or don't agree with. This hit headlines earlier this week.

Today as I read The New Paper (headine: painter father asks daugther to pose nude) this was frankly the last thing on my mind. In the beginning pages of the paper was the usual articles about recession and the new economic stimulus plan by the government, etc etc etc. At the back of the paper however, right before the sports section, was the whopper that got me all steamed up and pissed. Every Sunday TNP always reports on the socialite parties of the rich and (so they like to consider themselves) 'famous'. This week was an article on a roman themed party by Dr Georgia Lee and co. Now my long standing issue with this is 1) why the hell does TNP have to publish this bullcrap and 2) the decadent wastage of it all. The article ended with a splendid "recession be damned!" as if ones recession woes could have been undone with one line alone.

Now let's look at this logically, point by point:

1) Cost
Tan Yong Soon's course would have undoubtedly cost a lot more than the party no matter how decadent it was since it was stretched out over 4 weeks.

Point to Parties

2) Usefulness
Tan Yong Soon and his wife left the course with the knowledge and certification from Le Cordon Bleu on their course. Should they wish they could have used this to apply for work in the culinary field. Dr Georgia Lee's parties served absolutely no purpose but to apply people to party and waste scatloads of money.

Point to Tan Yong Soon

3) Duration
Tan Yong Soon's course lasted for 4 weeks in Europe.

Dr Georgia Lee's party lasted for 1 night.

Point to Tan Yong Soon

My conclusion to all of this madness is that people are self righteous fools. Am I being self righteous by saying this? Of course! Every week I feel annoyed and disdainful of the socialite parties which seem to me to be nothing but a massive waste of money but I don't resent them or complain on every single media outlet I can find about OMG HOW INSENSITIVE THESE RICH PEOPLE ARE, LIKE WHAT ABOUT US POOR PEOPLE WHO ARE SUFFERING FROM THE RECSSION :0

Fuck you idiots and your stupid lowbrow manner of thinking. Who are you to get outraged by how someone spends their money? You might not agree with how it was spent but that doesn't mean you have to be so thin skinned and sensitive as to raise such a motherfucking big hue and cry over it. What about getting all sensitive and touchy about Dr Georgia Lee and co.'s parties eh? The thought never occurred to you? WELL NO FUCKING KIDDING, since most of you are idiots that just follow the herd mentality and repeat the opinions of the initial few uptight asswipes that first got actually offended by Tan Yong Soon. You have a brain. If you don't use it please don't act like you have one.

And for the record, I still see no problem with Tan Yong Soon and Le Cordon Bleu. At least his course was USEFUL and had a PURPOSE.

I keep forgetting to give titles to posts.

Last night I had a dream (okay this morning) that there was some sort of a school reunion in present day (ie: everyone looked the same) and everyone from school was there. I remember being happy wandering about and seeing all the familiar faces and being about to freely talk to people. When I finally woke up I felt a bit sad, because I realised that such an environment would never come again - people can try and organise reunions and all but there will always be random people missing. Oh well.

-----

I am tired. I went running today with Cheam in the evening, for about 20 minutes straight, albeit grudingly and complaing about the intensity of the sun for most of the way. This explains why I am tired. However there is still the feeling in my bones that I associate with the need to get out and move, that I am dissatisfied with whatever it is I've accomplished today (went out with Dad, ate at Colbar, explored Fusionopolis, went to Ghim Moh market, watch an episode of Criminal Minds and Mad Men). During the exam period this feeling used to go away after running but today even after running I still find the feeling in me.

For most of the past few weeks my life has been utterly meaningless and unoccupied. Some people find the absence of such a driving force and ability to spend time as one wishes utterly liberating. I, on the other hand, find it rather oppressive. To make Meaningless even worse is all the free time I have now. It was one thing to wake up and go to school everyday without much meaning, but at least I was achieving something - I was handing up my homework, building on relationships, learning things (arguable) and leaning gossip (more likely). Now however I achieve nothing. Okay, so what that I've finished watching XXX or finished reading XXX? I could have done that and other things within the same day and not just spend my entire day doing one thing alone!

I am further frustrated by how maddeningly hard it is to find a job nowadays in this climate. The want to actually do something and not being able to do it is mentally frustrating to the least and leads one to feeling rather demotivated in general. This doesn't help the whole I'm-at-a-crossroads-in-my-life-help feeling I've felt for quite some time either. It may come as no surprise to some of you that my room is in a major mess now, a mess that dates to the pre-IB exam period (I have a Pre-Lim Paper 2 English Essay lying next to my laptop). The issue I find annoying about the mess is that 1) It wasn't like this last time 2) I wasn't so messy/able to live with the mess last time 3) It's messy and I hate it 4) I find no motivation to clean it up again even though I find it immensely annoying. Bascially what I'm trying to say is that my life feels like it's hanging in limbo now, a amorphorous meaningless day-to-day affair, and my space appears to have turned into a physical manifestations of whatever feelings and thoughts roll through my head.

This is probably having some sort of a negative effect on how I carry myself and deal with people. I find myself getting more and more annoyed with my mother and how she seems so suddenly excited that I am going to university by telling EVERYONE that I am going to universites that have either rejected or not replied to me yet and getting angry at someone not because of what he did per se but because of the entire symbolism of what he did - that I appear to have been living life as the eternal loser thus far and will continue to do so for a damn long time -______________________-

ROARRRRRR.

The only upside is that I can sing on Expert mode for Guitar Hero World Tour. Hah (and play everything else on beginner/easy mode).

I am a bum.

OhmygawdI'venotupdatedinforeverandI'llprobablyregretthis. So here goes, a short entry detailing what the hell I've been doing since last week:

Friday (9/1/09)

Spent entire day bumming. Probably woke up late. Might have finished World Without End on this day. Can't remember. Watched Criminal Minds Season 1. Went out at night with Jiayun, Yihang and Daryl. Was supposed to meet them at 8pm and came 5 minutes late. Daryl and I ended up waiting 50 minutes for Yihang and Jiayun to come. We ended up wandering to Coffee Bean and finally Swensens when we (or rather I) got really hungry and needed to eat. Ended up reaching home at 12am.

Saturday (10/1/09)

Went out with mother for lunch. Got dragged into a surprise dental examination because the dentist had time and I hadn't seen a dentist in a year plus. Ended up really grumpy after being forced to see the dentist. Wandered around the Holland Village area for 'shopping'. Went to buy Chicken Tenders from Burger King for supper and met a pinoy behind the counter there and said 'selamat!' to him before walking out. Went home and did dunno what.

Sunday (11/1/09)

Woke up late and quite dazed (long lasting effects of Valerian Root) and ended up missing going to my guo mah's house. Watched Criminal Minds again. Went to my mama's house at night and met Uncle's family there. I also started watching The Terminal there on the TV and continued after I reached home.

Monday (12/1/09)

Went out in the morning to met Daryl and The Alchemist in Funan Shopping Centre. Had Yong Tau Foo in the food court there before migrating to Ya Kun downstairs where I had tea (and milk!!!). Then after The Alchemist left Daryl and I wandered over to Bras Bersah Complex where I ended up buying cheap Archie Comics and the second volume of the incredibly dodgy Hardship Posting for $2. Daryl bought a book of poems and Water Babies, if I remember correctly. Then we ended up going to Hans at the National Library where I had a cup of Earl Grey Tea and where we shared a Corned Beef Sandwich that reminded me of Filipino cusine. Then we went to the library where I borrowed a book on cult fiction and he borrowed a book on Umberto Eco. After going home and dinner, I watched The Good, The Bad and The Ugly with my parents.

Tuesday (13/1/09)

Went out to meet my Uncle in his office for lunch. Turns out he had an appointment with a client at 12:30, so our lunch got pushed back and I bummed about the office instead. We also celebrated the birthday of the White Haired Old Man who was trying to persuade me to come back and work for free for him. I had a slice of his ice cream cake. As I was observing everyone I realised I missed the office and how little had changed in the past 2 years I was missing... and how I had a sudden yearning to do law so I could join them next time. While bumming around I got sent to do work too and ended up doing comissioning again for this client. Amazingly I remembered most of the task for 2 years ago and didn't mess up. Then I went for a Japanese lunch with my uncle and went back home.

Later around 5pm I went to meet Sharyl in Upper Bukit Timah where I had garlic naan and butter chicken. It was good talking to her because it really cemented the idea of a true friendship in my mind where we slipped so easily into conversation that it was hard to imagine we had been going to different schools for the past 2 years and hardly saw/talked to each other.

Wednesday (14/1/09)

Went out for lunch with my grandmother at Ah Yat in Old Turf City, then we went grocery shopping in Giant. After that I went to ACSI with my dad to drop off the appeals form and got called back soon after because I didn't specify a reason - so I make up some rubbish and ran away. I met Naresh on my second trip there and thanked him and shook hands with him. Then I went to buy bananas with my dad and went back to watch Criminal Minds Season 2.

Thursday (15/1/09)

Went out with my dad for his downtown errands today, then ended up borrowing 4 movies from the Esplanade Library (Pygmalion, O Brother, The Big Sleep and A Streetcar Named Desire). Ended up at Jack's Place in Marina Square where I had a terrible steak. Then came back home and I watched more Criminal Minds and fell asleep.

Friday (16/1/09)

Woke up early today and marinated two chicken breasts according to some random recipe. Also cooked a breakfast of scrambled eggs and ham. Went upstairs to bum on computer, then came down to grill the chicken for lunch. Chicken came out really nice, but seemed to be sorely lacking in the 1 ingredent that I didn't have. Nevermind, I'll do it better next time. After lunch I went to watch Pygmalion then went to bum on the computer again.

At night I went out and met Gen at Holland V for Brendan's supposed farewell party. As usual everyone came late (Yihang, Jiayun, Stephanie) with the latest person being Brendan himself at around 9pm. We ended up going from Swensen's to Subway, then 2am Desert Bar before running away to The Coffee Bean and then going to a random playground to goof off in before heading for home.

-----

Oh man, what a waste of time and enegry. I feel bad for bumming so much.

I also found this link which made me lol: http://startutor.sg/7413

After using google reader I realise how silly (title unknown) looks

I read in the papers today that Tan Chor Jin, the 'one eyed dragon' was finally executed. This brought me back to a time 2 years ago when I was wasting my life away in front of a desk in a law firm/photocopying machine while the other intern in the office got to attend his trail in High Court. I wanted to go too, but somehow I wasn't due to go to court that day. The other intern came back with tales of how Tan Chor Jin looked really fierce even in court and inspired fear in him.

Another incident also brought me back to the past. Namely the heightened anxiety of the only junior I really keep in touch with - Vicky - over tomorrow's O level results. I remember forcing myself into a state of denial by going to work the day before and on the day itself, only to fail with the nights punctured with tears of anxiety and dreams of failure. I remember envisioning myself recieving my results and collasping on the floor in a flurry of tears. Bad tears.

On the actual day itself, I spent my morning stenographing an awfully boring industrial dispute case. The hearing finally ended that afternoon around 11/12 and I joined the lot of them for their celebration (no more pesky lawyer trial fees) before rushing off to MGS in a cab. I remember clapping like mad when the top scorers came out, never for once imagining or even hoping I could have been up there myself (as if someone who did only 7 subjects could ever get 8 A1s!). I also remember walking up to my teacher and getting my results, her telling me she was so proud and happy for my grades, Vicky hiding behind me, the tearing open of the results, the A1 for Bio and the final collapse on the floor in tears of joy.

Right now on the eve of the results of the O levels, I cannot help but vicariously feel the anxiety and fear of Vicky as she awaits her results. I also cannot help but think of myself and IB results, and the stark contrast of things. The night before IB results was spent out having dinner at Fish & Co., watching Death Race (the loopholes boggled the mind) and Zack and Miri Make a Porno, walking along Orchard Road at 3am in the morning and freezing to death as Cielo set the air conditioning to 17 degrees. It was only on 106 to school when everyone lapsed into a tired silence that it really hit home how this was it, the cumulation of 12 years of education.

The whole experience this time round was different. Old feelings, expectations were all subverted and trampled upon. Last time as I looked on admiringly as the top scores of MGS were up there, I never held a hope that it could be me. This time I did hope - rather futily I might add. The expectations were all different too. Last time I wanted to just be able to get into ACJC, but this time I wanted more from myself, I wanted to get grades that I was satisfied with. In the end I was left feeling disappointed on 2 fronts - Biology and History. Last time I cried tears of happiness, this time I cried tears of disappointment (I must add how difficult a decision it is to write this in a public place like this, I do not relish the idea of people seeing me as a weak person). It wasn't that I had done badly - I had done well enough to get me into 99% of all universities that I really wanted to go to - it was that I was not satisfied with myself.

The whole idea of no long being satisfied with smaller things really struck home to me. I had been both blessed and cursed. I now had ambition and a greater want for my life, but at the same time I was less easily satisfied. It seemed like a horrid cost to bear, the idea that whatever I deemed that would make me happy would be that much more ambitious and harder to obtain. I'm not sure what to make of it, or even my life now with Uncertainty looming it's dark head over me everyday. All I know is um, I'm addicted to online shopping again -_________-

I have once more started a new project: One Cog Loose. I hope I have not bitten off more than I can chew in embarking on this rather ambitious project to clear the murky waters of University Applications/Decisions. ACSI has done a terribly shoddy job with giving us proper university information despite their best intentions, so hopefully this will be enough to enlighten people to make a proper decision. Thanks to my shadow mentor, The Alchemist for the name and any future consultations.

-----

Yesterday was the Stars concert. Wow. They were by far the best concert I have ever attended despite the steep prices for the tickets ($100!). I used to listen to them over and over again in 2007 because they were THE band of my then relationship. Their songs were perfect, about melancholy love and relationships embedded in literary lyrics. As 2008 rolled by, I started listening to their songs less and less. Last night however, I was brought back to 2007 once again by their songs, remembering how things were and the emotions associated with that time period, and enjoyed reliving the past immensely. Oddly enough, I even sang along to all the songs I recognised (which was all minus the new EP songs) and danced - which should be testament to how mindblowingly awesome the whole concert was.

Now all that's left is for Metric to come.

Truth be told there is much to blog about. However there is TOO much to blog about - to the point I go into denial and don't want to think about how much stuff I have yet to cover properly and I wind up forgetting over an extended period of time. However because I'm still suffering from terrible insomnia (5 hours of sleep each day since 2/1/2009: feels like IB again), I shall attempt to deal with each point floating about my rather evidently empty head to an extent that it gives it sufficient justice for me to be satisfied.

1) Out of school social dynamics

The other day I was out at a Bum meeting (Arjun, Kaijun, Karan, Daryl, J.Khoo). At the NYDC where we planned to meet however, I ran into a tableful of ex-MGS girls from the same cohort as me from 4A3. I didn't really know them very well, but some were ex-primary school classmates and others casual acquaintances. They were as equally surprised to see me as I was to see them. As I passed them they said hi and waved at me, and I waved back and went to join the Bums.

That night on my bus ride home, I met another person from my past. She was from my combined full Literature class in Sec 3 and 4, part of a group of girls I never really cared much for and vice versa. The moment I saw her get on the bus, my mind went !!! and I hid behind this tall guy who was sitting in front of me. It was a bit silly however, because eventually over the course of the bus ride through my peripheral vision, I saw her looking at me too. When I looked up, she too tried to hide by turning her face away. It was a bit absurd. We didn't want to meet each other at all, and the feeling was mutal.

This continues on to Monday when I went back to bum around the school with Cheam, Hadi, Eliel, Mel Chandi, Paul, Chang Ming and Ted Kin. Walking about the SAC filled with foreign faces, I saw a familiar face in the form of E.T., who happened to be working as a teacher in ACSI now. Though our social circles never met, I knew she knew who I was and vice versa (I need a better vocab). As a consequence we never really waved or talked to each other in school. Now however that school was over, when she saw me she smiled and I waved back to her.

Make what you will of all of this, because I'm not too sure what to make of it myself. My thinking now at 2:38am in the morning is that while people that you used to pass by silently in the corridors are now going to be more friendlier. Conversely for those who you had a history with/disliked, the need to avoid and get the hell away from will now be magnified. I can already visualise myself running the opposite direction from some people.

2) Structures are nothing without the people

I actually already reached this conclusion in 2007, when I went back to visit MGS. On Monday when I went back, we were greeted with an SAC full of little Sec 1 boys running around. Lovista was gone and replaced with a new store. In with the new, out with the old. When the new Y6s came in, I felt weirder as they looked at us oddly too and I found no familiar face. As I sat at a table surveying the mass of unknown humanity, I felt old and out of place. I also found that I was no longer thinking of the place as 'my SAC' but plain old 'SAC' in general. Nothing had changed, yet everything has changed.

3) State of denial

(I am actually getting sleepy now. Amazing.) I like being in denial. It is my new default mode. I was in denial for all of yesterday and resented it whenever anyone intruded on my little denial bubble. My brain also cannot think much further on this point.

4) 6.9 is gone. No more. Kaput.

For all the endless class things I've gone to in the past month (trip, Christmas party, New year party, Eve of results sleepover, Results day dinner), I know my time with 6.9 is over. Not only has another batch of Y6s assumed our name but from today on in my classmates are being subsumed into the authority of yet another megalomanical authority. No where more was the end of 6.9 illustrated by how tonight's 'class gathering' consisted of 5 people - Mong, Patrick, Joash, JLC and me. Oh how we've dwindled since dinner the night before where there was JC, Chun Wui, Jim, Gen, Cheryl, Cielo and Elliot.

Actually I'm being dramatic. HAHAHA. I need to sleep.

5) I'm not depressed/suicidial about my grades.

Don't worry. I am fine. I am just disappointed, which is a long way to go from wanting to hop out of window on a high rise apartment. I got 39 - 2 points less than what I was personally aiming for. Not getting what you worked hard for sucks. Drong's insane need for e-penis stroking by hyping up everything sucks too. However I'm very happy for all of my friends who got good grades, people like Daryl, Mai, Kaijun, Mong, Nicholas, Louis, Cheryl & etc. I am proudest however of my dear friend Johannes Hadi who freaking exploded all expectations by getting 44. WHAT THE HELL, I still can't believe it.

Also the highlight of my day is going around exclaiming that Hadi beat S.N. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. EXCELLENT.

I'm so terrible :D

Today I went to school to bum around. On the way back home I took 166 to Clementi so I could change bus to get home. As I was seated on the upper deck of the bus, I came down early to wait at the exit when the bus had stopped at a traffic junction. Next to me on my left was some old 'uncle'. While standing there and waiting for the bus to move, I felt a gust of warm air hit my neck. At first I thought it was the air conditioning so I ignored it, but then it happened again and it felt far too strong to be air conditioning, so I turned back to look. When I turned back I saw the old man give me some lecherous smile, and my WTF!? mode turned on.

I shot him this really disgusted look and moved away from him a little. But instead he leaned closer to me and kept on blowing air at my neck. WTF!!! So I moved away from him to the other exit door where there were other people who looked at me oddly, wondering why I had moved away. From my new spot I shot the fat cheekopek this really disgusted look, and he kept smiling at me.

It wasn't till I got off the bus some 5 seconds later that it crossed my mind to shout at the guy and create a commotion. I was too busy going WTF?!?!?! in my mind and surpressing urges to punch/kick the guy to even think rationally of the right action to take.

BAH I am throughly disgusted.

For the past few days (or weeks) my life has been a meaningless amorphous blob of non-happenings. By this I mean that a) things are happening b) I am doing things c) but these things are meaningless d) thus because they are meaningless it feels like my life is passing me by. From watching excessive amounts of movies - 7 last week alone! (Australia, Mamma Mia, Clueless, The Shining, Get Smart, Burn After Reading and Sleepless in Seattle) - to watching lots of Criminal Minds Season 1 Episodes (18 so far after just 1 week of watching) and finishing The Corrections + reading half of the epic long World Without End, my life is an empty void of intellectual thought and Greater Purpose. I don't even feel motivated to go to university anymore.

Thus, I have not blogged. There is nothing happening! I see no need to blog! BAH. Yet I keep getting bugged by one particular person to update, so blahblahblahhereisyourupdateishouldprobablywritesomethingbetterandmoresignificantbutican'treallybebotheredto. Bloody hell.