Truth be told there is much to blog about. However there is TOO much to blog about - to the point I go into denial and don't want to think about how much stuff I have yet to cover properly and I wind up forgetting over an extended period of time. However because I'm still suffering from terrible insomnia (5 hours of sleep each day since 2/1/2009: feels like IB again), I shall attempt to deal with each point floating about my rather evidently empty head to an extent that it gives it sufficient justice for me to be satisfied.

1) Out of school social dynamics

The other day I was out at a Bum meeting (Arjun, Kaijun, Karan, Daryl, J.Khoo). At the NYDC where we planned to meet however, I ran into a tableful of ex-MGS girls from the same cohort as me from 4A3. I didn't really know them very well, but some were ex-primary school classmates and others casual acquaintances. They were as equally surprised to see me as I was to see them. As I passed them they said hi and waved at me, and I waved back and went to join the Bums.

That night on my bus ride home, I met another person from my past. She was from my combined full Literature class in Sec 3 and 4, part of a group of girls I never really cared much for and vice versa. The moment I saw her get on the bus, my mind went !!! and I hid behind this tall guy who was sitting in front of me. It was a bit silly however, because eventually over the course of the bus ride through my peripheral vision, I saw her looking at me too. When I looked up, she too tried to hide by turning her face away. It was a bit absurd. We didn't want to meet each other at all, and the feeling was mutal.

This continues on to Monday when I went back to bum around the school with Cheam, Hadi, Eliel, Mel Chandi, Paul, Chang Ming and Ted Kin. Walking about the SAC filled with foreign faces, I saw a familiar face in the form of E.T., who happened to be working as a teacher in ACSI now. Though our social circles never met, I knew she knew who I was and vice versa (I need a better vocab). As a consequence we never really waved or talked to each other in school. Now however that school was over, when she saw me she smiled and I waved back to her.

Make what you will of all of this, because I'm not too sure what to make of it myself. My thinking now at 2:38am in the morning is that while people that you used to pass by silently in the corridors are now going to be more friendlier. Conversely for those who you had a history with/disliked, the need to avoid and get the hell away from will now be magnified. I can already visualise myself running the opposite direction from some people.

2) Structures are nothing without the people

I actually already reached this conclusion in 2007, when I went back to visit MGS. On Monday when I went back, we were greeted with an SAC full of little Sec 1 boys running around. Lovista was gone and replaced with a new store. In with the new, out with the old. When the new Y6s came in, I felt weirder as they looked at us oddly too and I found no familiar face. As I sat at a table surveying the mass of unknown humanity, I felt old and out of place. I also found that I was no longer thinking of the place as 'my SAC' but plain old 'SAC' in general. Nothing had changed, yet everything has changed.

3) State of denial

(I am actually getting sleepy now. Amazing.) I like being in denial. It is my new default mode. I was in denial for all of yesterday and resented it whenever anyone intruded on my little denial bubble. My brain also cannot think much further on this point.

4) 6.9 is gone. No more. Kaput.

For all the endless class things I've gone to in the past month (trip, Christmas party, New year party, Eve of results sleepover, Results day dinner), I know my time with 6.9 is over. Not only has another batch of Y6s assumed our name but from today on in my classmates are being subsumed into the authority of yet another megalomanical authority. No where more was the end of 6.9 illustrated by how tonight's 'class gathering' consisted of 5 people - Mong, Patrick, Joash, JLC and me. Oh how we've dwindled since dinner the night before where there was JC, Chun Wui, Jim, Gen, Cheryl, Cielo and Elliot.

Actually I'm being dramatic. HAHAHA. I need to sleep.

5) I'm not depressed/suicidial about my grades.

Don't worry. I am fine. I am just disappointed, which is a long way to go from wanting to hop out of window on a high rise apartment. I got 39 - 2 points less than what I was personally aiming for. Not getting what you worked hard for sucks. Drong's insane need for e-penis stroking by hyping up everything sucks too. However I'm very happy for all of my friends who got good grades, people like Daryl, Mai, Kaijun, Mong, Nicholas, Louis, Cheryl & etc. I am proudest however of my dear friend Johannes Hadi who freaking exploded all expectations by getting 44. WHAT THE HELL, I still can't believe it.

Also the highlight of my day is going around exclaiming that Hadi beat S.N. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. EXCELLENT.

I'm so terrible :D