Today was a rather strange day. It first started when Nicky and I went to Sub Courts and got kicked out of Chambers hearing because the Registrar complained the room was too crowded (well, 4 legal representatives for a Plaintiff's claim of $2000 is a bit of an overkill). This started us wandering around the courts trying to figure out what to do to kill time. Finally we ended up sitting in a court where the Judge was going through Petty Theft cases (we sat through about 5). When the cases had all been heard, I finally checked my phone outside only to find that Mr Tan and Mr Chua had been frantically trying to contact us for the past 30 minutes plus. Oops. My phone had 11 missed calls. I don't think I've ever had that many missed calls before.
Finally when I got back to the office after a tea break, I was told by my Uncle that my grandmother went for an operation today, without telling anyone about it -______________- so I ended up really worried and called her. This resulted in me having to change my plans of meeting Huang Yihui directly after work as I went to visit her first with my Uncle.
At around 7:10 p.m. I finally met up with Huang Yihui and we went to eat in Crystal Jade, later wandering off to Daiso. Meeting up with her was nice because I haven't seen her in over a year. It was then I realised she was really the only classmate from B3 that I still met up with, and that she was the last classmate I had seen over a year ago. Quite a pity considering she's overseas and I see her more than my ex-classmates which are based in Singapore. We talked about living overseas and how people have changed... and GK Goh, everyone's favourite Chem teacher. Finally around 9:20 p.m. we left each other.
I was all prepared to zone out and listen to random music when 77 came and I boarded it. To my surprise however the moment I stepped on, I saw this random figure moving about and an empty seat next to him. I look closely at his face and realised to my great surprise that it was Calvin Magnus. I was really happy to see him, and as I sat down and we were both going :o !!! at seeing each other, the girl in front turned around to look at us and she and Calvin both realise they knew each other, so it became 3 of us going :O:O:O !!!!!!!!!! from :o !!! It was pretty amusing.
As Calvin and I started to talk about Unis, someone from my not too distant past came on board the bus now. She recognised me, and me her, and we waved to each other and she came over. I was equally surprised to see her, if not more surprised than my meeting with Calvin, because I had not seen her in some time. This is largely due to the fact that I have been doing my utmost best to avoid her, simply because I cannot being myself to face her. This is also the part where I cross my fingers and hope she never sees this blog. I was so thankful that I had Calvin with me, where we could continue sticking to the general not-too-personal topic of university.
After I got off the bus, in the short 2 minute walk to my front door (+ during my subsequent shower), I started thinking about the problem I have with reconciling with an unhappy past. I first thought the more obvious thoughts, that it was unhealthy, bad, bla bla bla. Then a linkage suddenly formed in my head to yet another topic that has been bouncing in my head for the past few days, mainly that of maturity and it's definitions: another hallmark of maturity was coming to terms with the demons of ones past.
It takes courage to face someone that has wronged you before, and it take courage and heart to really really let go of things. What I've been doing all along is choosing to forget and let things slide, but personally I realised that I never really let go of these things in my heart - all the hurt and the pain, and the endless psychological torment, never really left. They just got shoved into cold storage and left to be dealt with when I was maybe on my death bed living a life with cumulative regrets.
This is brought to mind something else, namely that if I so choose I could just run away from this past without ever having to come to terms with it, what with my imminent departure from Singapore at the latter end of the year. However that would literally mean that I could theoretically never have to deal with such things, and thus by extension never actually mature emotionally.
As of yet I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with this sudden epiphany. I've been happily avoiding and staying away from such things for a long time now, and bottled the little seeds of discontent carefully in my heart. It's not going to be easy settling things now. Fingers crossed for the best possible outcome, whatever that may be.
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