Snapshot of Kid-Free Thursday

E's kindergarten ended last week for the Summer, and since we will be going to Singapore for pretty much the entire Summer, we decided to let the girls stay at Lolo and Lola's house in Long Island for the week, while I knocked out a bunch of medical appointments. I went to yoga today as usual, and as usual because I am suffering in class and want to think about anything else than my discomfort at the moment, my mind started wandering and so I decided I wanted to make a short post about today. I've also recently gotten into doing puzzles thanks to Shirin's influence, and with the delivery of a dedicated folding puzzle table I wanted to attempt my first 1,000 piece puzzle.

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Current Short-Term (hopefully) Health Problems: Slightly painful aching left big toe, pulled a muscle there about 2 weeks ago. Cracks all the time now. Heartburn, because I've had to taper off Omaprazole in anticipation for tomorrow's Endoscopy.

Long-Term Health Problems I Need to Address: High cholesterol, pre-diabetes (thanks to the medical appointments I had on Monday)

Breakfast: Overnight oats with chia seeds, blueberries, strawberries, and a touch of maple syrup

Morning Tea: Yorkshire tea with milk and sugar

Reading: False Confession Manhwa (features PTSD, which I find interesting)

Playing: Red Dead Redemption 2 (even though I haven't finished the DLC for KCD2 yet, but Henry is the best and I want to drag things out as long as I can)

Fiber Project: Knitting the Ridge Tank Top in Knitting for Olive Cotton Merino, but might switch to some other things for the Singapore trip

Puzzle: The New Yorker Bodega Cat by New York Puzzle Company 

Lunch: Going to met Julie to have Mul-Naengmyeon in Closter

It's nice to chill out without the kids in my own space, and feel like my own human again. But of course I miss them, and the house feels too quiet without them around.

Memorial Weekend 2025

This year we had a very fun, and tiring, Memorial Day weekend. E's school district had an extra snow day to use, and so were also closed on the Friday before, so she had a nice long 4 day break. At the same time, I had been cleaning like crazy during the week, because we were having our first house guest, Shirin, over! I was very excited, as I hadn't seen her in months even though we are physically so much closer in proximity than before. With her working, the kids schedules, and general life chaos, meeting up was as difficult as ever, but because of the long weekend, she would be able to come and stay for a few days. 

Friday - 23 May

As always M doesn't have school on Fridays anyway, so I had to entertain both kids. I ended up bringing them to an indoor playground nearby. Thankfully it was fairly empty (less than 15 kids total at any one time), and both girls are old enough to mostly play with each other. So as they played and ran around, I managed to get some knitting done. The few times I played with them, I don't think they appreciated it very much when I pushed them in a car in tight donuts or figure eights, saying, "It's crazy taxi!"

After that we went to Stew Leonard's for lunch. E always loves eating there because she likes picking her food buffet style. In fact, she loves all buffets. Apparently she once wrote a book about buffets in her class in school. Then after that we all shared a large sized pineapple soft serve, which was really yummy. My phone battery was dying, so we went home for a short spell for me to charge my phone, before racing out to pick up some bagels I had ordered from Too Good to Go by 3pm. Then we went to Kumon for a bit, before returning home finally. 

Saturday - 24 May

Because M seemed mildly sick during the week, I had kept her at home on Tuesday and couldn't go for my regular rowing class. Then on Weds night she woke up a few times and I was personally feeling too exhaustedly ill to go for yoga on Thursday (I cleaned at home instead). So I hadn't been able to exercise the entire week, and at the same time was feeling tubby. I instead went to a different rowing class on Saturday morning, which was meant to be more intensive than my regular class and included some dumbbell exercises. I mostly did my own thing, while trying hard to ignore the guy on the rowing machine next to me, who I could see going like a crazy jack rabbit out of the corner of my eye. It was still a very good work out, as always. I went home and manically cleaned for a bit, before we left to go to a friend's house. 

I had met Anu at the kids dance and yoga classes that we had been doing at a nearby town's community centre during the Winter time. She also has two kids close in age to E and M, and her oldest child was having a birthday party. We were there for about 2h. The girls painted and did crafts and ran around, and I got to chat to a few different people which was nice. Then we went to get McDonalds on the way home because we were all still hungry (LOL) and I resumed cleaning as much as I could. Around 3:30pm, Jon left to pick Shirin up from the bus stop. I went inside to drop off my mug that I had been drinking tea from, only to find that the girls who had been playing outside had disappeared too. Apparently everyone but me had gone to pick Shirin up, pfft. 

Later after Shirin had come, Jon and E brought her out for a drive around our area while I stayed at home to keep an eye on our dinner, which was cooking in the oven. I appreciated all this time to rest, because I had basically been going balls to the wall all day. Even when they got back, I was just resting and knitting in my usual spot in front of the computer for a bit, while I listened to the girls and Shirin play legos together. It was quite amusing listening to their conversation. We had a simple dinner of oven baked chicken wings and salad. After finishing my usual nightly chores of bathing a child (and of course myself), and putting M to sleep, I hung out more downstairs with Shirin. Over a 500 piece puzzle (Buzzy Bouquet by Galison, which turned out to have more bugs than I anticipate - ew), we chatted about family and all sorts of other random things. We finished around 11pm, having taken about 2h to finish the puzzle, and then went off to get ready for bed. 

Sunday - 25 May

During the night, M woke up with an alarming cough several times. Then at one point I woke up really bloated and uncomfortable because I had evidently abused my sensitive stomach too much the previous day, and so was awake for a good hour+ Essentially, I woke up on Sunday morning -30 HP. I came downstairs to Jon freaking out about M being sick and wanting to bring her to the doctor to get tested for Strep, while vaguely mentally processing things. So while he brought her to Urgent Care, I had breakfast and we all waited to see what would happen next to the rest of the days plan. I must note that at this point, besides the really alarming cough she had displayed during the night, M had looked cheerful and crazy as usual when I had seen her in the morning, and was running around like a nut. In the end it turned out the co-pay cost would be $100, so Jon returned home with M without getting her tested or seen by the doctor, lol.

We ended up leaving the house a wee bit later than originally anticipated, heading up north to visit Storm King Art Center. It turned out to be a lot windier and cooler there than anticipated (STORM KING should have been a clue) so the kids initially were not very happy. After a while they started to enjoy running around, especially since they also had cool Aunty Shirin who would also run up slopes with them to look at sculptures. My lazy tired ass will stay down in the valley, thank you very much. We stayed there for about 2h until it was about lunch time. Then when we got to the car, it turned out that Nyack was a lot further from Storm King than I realised, so we initially thought to get lunch nearer first. The cafe we dropped by at however, had a 25 minute waitlist. So we piled back into the car for the 45 min ride to Nyack, which went through Bear Mountain State Park.

At Nyack we finally had lunch at Art Cafe, which was very charming. The kids didn't really enjoy the food though. Then we walked around Nyack, and I got to visit Knitting Nation, though I ended up not purchasing anything. We finally got back to the car around 4pm, to head towards home. M fell asleep in the car, so after we got home I stayed outside to knit on the porch while I let her nap for a little in the car. After about 20 minutes I carried her in, and she was of course very cranky. Then she ended up falling asleep on me while I sat with her on the couch, and I just ended up playing with my phone. The upside was that it was nice to lay sort-of-flat on the couch after all that walking. I had already started the day with aching legs because of my workout the previous day, and all the walking of course only made my legs ache more. 

I finally managed to get M awake around 5:30pm, and we ended up eating leftovers for dinner. Because M had napped, I had a hell of a time trying to get her to go to bed later that night. In the end she finally fell asleep after a lot of fussing around 9:40pm. Initially Jon, Shirin and I had planned to watch The Goes Wrong Show together, but Jon declined to Jon us because it was too late. I ended up watching 2 episodes with Shirin, a new one (90 Degress) and a re-watch of my favourite one (A Trial to Watch).

Monday - 26 May

As Shirin was leaving around noon, we decided to get an early brunch in Ridgewood. I am thankful that I made early reservations, because soon after we arrived, the cafe became really swamped and busy. After brunch, we walked a little bit around Ridgewood before returning home. Then it was time for Shirin to leave, and so Jon went to drop her off at the bus stop (though apparently locating it was a bit of an adventure) while I stayed home with the kids. 

At around 2:50pm, we headed out of the house again because we wanted to bring the kids to the LEAD carnival in Paramus. We arrived around 3:15pm, and were supposed to meet Mike and his kids there, but apparently the younger one fell asleep, so we went inside first. I had bought pre-opening unlimited ride passes for a discounted price, so we could do unlimited rides. I am glad we went early, because there were initially no lines, though of course it got crowded quickly. The girls had a good time, and were all sticky and hyper from the cotton candy. After a lot of texting back and forth, we finally met up with Mike and the kids for a bit, before going to navigate the carnival in separate groups again. 

Finally about 5:30pm, we decided we'd bring the kids on one more ride before calling it. We ended up arranging to meet with Mike again to head to the food court. Somewhere during this time, Julie had apparently arrived back in NJ after her short trip to Cleveland, and she met us right at the exit. We all shared a big communal table at the food court and chatted for a bit before heading off, and we reached our car by 7pm for the drive home. We were all tired, and M actually fell asleep for a short period of time on the car ride home. Thankfully she didn't sleep too long because of course we had to get her out of the car and bathed, so she went to sleep by around 8:30pm last night.

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I have just returned from my usual Tuesday rowing class. I am feeling tired from the work out, and of the really eventful past few days, but I am feeling quite happy and content with the world and my life today.

Allergies or Fiber?

My allergies are absolutely terrible this year. Even with allergy medication 2x a day, plus nasal spray, plus wearing a surgical mask, plus showering once I am indoors, I feel terrible. It has been raining the last few days so at least there was some respite, and I felt OK during the weekend. However yesterday things seemed to hit the fan. 

We had all had a shitty night of sleep with the girls waking up at various intervals, and so I already began the day -20 HP. Then I discovered E seemed warm, after she complained that her head hurt. I gave her tylenol and kept her home just in case, bracing myself for a challenging day ahead (it always is when both kids are home). When we got home after M's gym and a quick grocery run with E, I started boiling wintermelon soup. For that, because of the open flame, I had to have the kitchen windows open for aeration. At the same time, I also had the fan blowing in that direction, hoping to blow the carbon fumes/allergens outwards. 

While that was cooking slowly (window open for hours!), I was at the same time working on the sleeves of a cardigan I was knitting. This was my first time working with a pretty loosely spun single (thanks Sirdar Jewelspun), and because I had made mistakes and had to frog the same sections twice, the fibers were sticking out and flying about. I don't know if it was the result of everything together, but my nose constantly felt itchy when I was knitting. I had felt that before, but not to this extent. But I wanted to finish the damned sleeve, and I was too mentally tired to do anything else or focus on KCD2. So I knit, through all the nose itching.

Around 5pm however, I really started to feel miserable. I started sneezing up a storm (maybe the antihistamines wore off), the type of sneeze that opens up the back of your throat and comes out full force. Then my nose started running. I sneezed so much after that, for the remainder of the day, that I went to bed with a full fledged sore throat from all that explosive action. I felt miserable. Then I woke up around 4am for a bit and my throat felt quite sore, so I ended taking some tylenol and managing to go back to bed. My nose was stuffed and full of gunk, so evidently I was also snoring too, compounding my throat problems. 

This morning I woke up feeling pretty shit, with a looming bad headache to boot. But after the medicine I took kicked in, I felt much better and managed to go for another rowing class. I had especially wanted to make this class because I had mentioned it to Ashley, a mom of one of E's classmates, and she was going to go for a trial class today, and I wanted to be there for her. We had a good and exhausting time, and now I am home, enjoying the peace and quiet since both kids are at school. I am content and happy for now... until my nose inevitably acts up again.

Row Row Row Your Boat

I never listened to much metal until I became a housewife. I liked Linkin Park, and some of Limp Bizkit's music, but nu-metal was as much exposure I got as a 2000s teen growing up in Singapore. I had heard of bands like Metallica of course, but never heard any of their music until I deliberately went looking for 'Enter Sandman' because I heard American troops were using it to torture prisoners of war in Abu Gharib and other. That and 'Highway to Hell' by AC/DC. In reflection this is actually pretty funny (not for the prisoners of course, who had never heard such music before and were being blasted by this seemingly hellistic, satanic sounds 24/7 as a form of mental torture) because those are actually very mainstream metal songs and not at all controversial. Those songs, and those bands, are miles away from actual Black Metal or Satanic Metal. I remember being so apprehensive to even listen to Enter Sandman and Highway to Hell then, convinced my christian soul was at stake (evidently my intellectual curiosity won out). But thanks to Limewire, I did. This was probably 2004? And I was 14 years old. 

Anyway when we moved to StL, my favourite music station was KLOU 103.3 and they specialised in '80s and '90s rock. From that station I ended up being exposed to a lot of new music, like ZZ Top, and occasionally they'd play Rage Against the Machine and System of a Down. Soon, those two bands entered my regular rotation of music. They were the best to listen to when doing mindless numbing tasks, like folding endless loads of laundry. And then I had M, and went though another bout of post-partum depression, and as I'd lay in bed feeling despair all I could think of was the lyrics of Chop Suey. Still Rage and System were very much considered not regular 'metal'. I tried listening to metal songs and bands, but nothing resonated. I was not a fan of the guttural incoherent screaming sounds. Somewhere around this time I heard about a rising band named Ghost, and even wanted to go to their concert in StL in Aug 2023, but we were ultimately unable to make the timing work.

From then to now, I also heard about a band called Amon Amarth and enjoyed their whole Viking Metal schtick, but also couldn't get behind the guttural vocals. I still played Put Your Back Into the Oar though, and one time E asked me what the song was, and I said it was basically 'Row Row Row Your Boat', and she said she liked the song after, lol. I also subscribed to Napalm Records on YouTube, and enjoyed the occasional metal songs from all over (Maori Metal anyone?). And Ghost of course, over the past 2 years, exploded into somewhat mainstream consciousness. Twice I have seen people wearing Ghost merch out. 

One of these times, the woman wearing the Ghost hoodie, turned out to be really chatty. I ended up having a great conversation with her, and it turned out she was once a DJ for a metal radio station in NJ, so she was very knowledgeable about metal. She gave me a whole slew of recommendations, and I went home and started listening to some of them. Somehow this made YouTube decide to give me recommendations, and they turned out to be full concert length videos of Behemoth and Batushka (now Patriakh) - two Polish Black Metal Bands. And somehow as I sat there listening and knitting, something stuck. And it was maybe a day or two later that I found out that my grandfather had died, and suddenly that misery and sadness I felt made their Black Metal songs feel comforting. It was all I felt like listening to. And I guess this is where I at with my metal listening journey, which oddly developed not when I was an angsty teen, but as a full fledged (debatable of course) adult with children.

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Yesterday I went to a trial rowing class. Years ago, the ex I dated in LSE, was co-captain or something of the rowing club. They even did some '24h' row thing with a machine on Houghton Street before to raise money, but I don't recall going to see it, lol. I was a pretty shit girlfriend. But anyway I think that was the first time I really became aware of a rowing exercise machine. It looked cool, but I didn't understand how to use it.

Of course over the years I have seem numerous rowing machines in gyms, but never once used them. I have tugged on the handles before, but never dared to use it. Also the first tug of the handle seemed so tough and intimidating, which was also another deterrent. Around StL too, there were quite a few Row Houses, which I figured was like Peloton but with rowing machines. I thought the name was pretty clever, but didn't think anything else beyond that because I had no time or energy to exercise or take care of myself. 

Then of course we moved to NJ, and lo and behold, there is Row House nearby. I thought about going for a trial class there, but then Jon warmed me that I was so out of shape, I was liable to give myself a heart attack. So instead I aimed lower (OR DID I?) and started doing yoga regularly in Summer 2024. With the initial trial period I went to yoga twice a week, but later slowed to once a week. Still almost every yoga class made me feel like my butt was kicked. That felt like enough exercise for now, and so I was pretty content. 

For the New Orleans trip however, I had a hell of a time packing, as mentioned before. I was not happy with my body, and decided I should step up my game. After looking around the area (and knowing I was not likely to stick to anything that would be a pain to get to), I ended up back at Row House. So I signed up for a trial class and went yesterday, and I really enjoyed it. I liked the motion of the rowing machine, which of course took some time for me to learn, but somehow snapped into place when then lights were turned off. All the yoga I did helped too, because afterwards I was not collapsing in agony. I felt fine all day yesterday too (punishing allergies aside), and woke up only 1/10 in muscular aches today too. What I didn't like was all the loud music, so I feel like I need to bring earplugs next time. Also, I felt the experience could have been improved if they blasted metal music instead. It would have been awesome to row listening to metal Row Row Row Your Boat - Put Your Back Into The Oar by Amon Amarth.

Sparks Nice Memories

Yesterday after neglecting my wardrobe for months, I finally got around to cleaning it and sorting it out. I was tired of everything being in a self-created jumble, and failing to find particular items of clothing that I knew were in the mess somehow. That and overstuffed drawers that wouldn't close. Part of it was months of neglect and I-don't-know-what-to-do-with-this finally coming to a head when I had to pack for New Orleans, and was having a hell of a time finding a dress that was both weather and occasion appropriate for 'smart casual' restaurants at night.

Anyway I spent at least 2h+ sorting things out and rearranging things, and I still have more to do because I had to leave to go pick up E, and then later cook dinner. While I was doing this I decided to dedicate a shelf to clothes that 'give me special feelings but that I am realistically not going to wear for reasons'. The first things that ended up in this shelf were my renaissance fair stuff: the polyester faux medieval blue overdress and chemise, the viking overdress that I needed to re-fit, two thick chemises of cotton and linen that are heavy and long that IDK what to do with. The next were two vintage-y style dresses that I love, and can't fit into comfortably. Finally the last were outright sentimental items: the white collared dress shirt with cuff links still attached that I wore for my LSE graduation, the green silk blouse I wore for my first conference presentation in Vancouver, a grey t-shirt from the Utah National Parks when I visited them with my parents after graduating from my Masters in 2016, and a grey t-shirt from Main Streets Books in St. Charles that I remember wearing one day while running into the elevator at Mercy Hospital when I was pregnant with M, and another occupant saying, "St. Charles eh?"

There are other sentimental items of clothing around of course, but like I said, I still have more sorting and cleaning to do. 

New Orleans Spring Break

For Spring Break this year we visited New Orleans. Years ago when I first moved to the US for my studies, New Orleans was one of the places I wanted to visit most. Then life happened, and now some 10 and a half years after moving to the US, I finally got the chance to visit, which was nice. Because Jon had studied there, I pretty much left all of the trip planning to him, exempting 2 places I wanted to visit. I even somehow manage to push the responsibility of packing for the trip to him, though in retrospect I regretted that because he somehow under-packed M's clothes, and she ran out half way. In the end he had to handwash and attempt to dry her clothes in the hotel room. For future reference the way to pack for kids is this: days of trip x 1.5 items of clothing. Also for some reason we always never have enough moisturizer. And the kids are always cold.

Top 3 Things 

1. The Food - Jon had done his research and booked some really nice restaurants for us to eat at. At the same time I really enjoyed getting to try Cajun and Creole cuisine, plus just eating all the seafood in general. I loved having cheesy grits with my food, nibbling on beignets (which reminded me of ham chim peng), and was happy I got to have a breakfast of biscuits and gravy. E always enjoyed eating Red Beans and Rice, which of course made us happy too. 

2. The Kids - E was very excited about the trip. For some reason she was really looking forward to the plane ride there. It was nice seeing them excited about seeing the different and new sights, and watching them play. It was also enjoyable having snowballs with them, and visiting the Children's Museum.

3. Shopping - NOLA has a fair amount of unique shops, beyond the tourist crap (which of course we partook of too), and other mass produced junk. I actually bought quite a few pairs of earrings for reasonable prices in and around the French Market area. One of the places I really wanted to visit was also Yvonne LaFleur, a women's clothing store in the Garden District. I had seem videos of the store, and it seemed like a lovely old school women's store, with a remarkable owner to boot. Sure enough, while I was looking around the store, Ms. Yvonne LaFleur appeared and even chatted to E and I for a while. I really liked looking around the store and taking pictures with E. If only we didn't have a mortgage to pay, or else I'd have bought more from there. 

Bonus item: The scenery/architecture.

I really liked seeing the architecture of the houses around New Orleans. Of course there was the French Quarter itself, but I also liked the shotguns and double shotgun houses that were all over. There were those painted in bright eye catching colours, there were those decorated with permanent Mardi Gras beads, and those with just pretty porch furniture. I also appreciated how during the evenings you could see people actually sitting on their porches just chilling out. It really added to the vibe of New Orleans being 'The Big Easy' to just see people hanging out and relaxing.

Worst 3 Things

1. The Food - I hated dealing with the kids during every meal time. M was particularly difficult because she is a picky eater anyway. Travelling meant even more foreign items, and us being too tired to deal with her nonsense. She basically didn't eat an entire vegetable or fruit during her entire time in New Orleans. She also largely survived on the bread that was given as an appetizer when we ate at nicer places. The top meal highlight for the kids was when right before we went to the airport to fly back to NJ, we went to a McDonalds. That that McDonalds happened to have a play place too was icing on the cake. Best meal ever for kids: chicken mcnuggets      -___________-"

2. The Kids - OH MY GOD THEY CAN BE SO ANNOYING. Also they complain allllllllll the timeeeeee. Too hot too cold too tired too sun-in-my-eyes-Mummy. They definitely made the trip unpleasant and tiring several times. At one point on our sole planation visit (I would have wanted to see more ordinarily, but we were cognizant of the kids) to Laura Plantation, I had to dip out for 1/3 of the guided tour because M kept complaining she was hungry, so I had to bring her to the Gift Shop to buy a $2 pack of peanut butter crackers for her to eat (to her credit she did finish the entire packet of 6 crackers). I also don't remember exactly what happened but after our morning visiting a section of the French Quarter on our first full day there, the kids left me so drained I basically crashed out and napped for 2h back at the hotel afterwards. According to Jon I snored quite a bit too, so I really must have been wiped. 

3. The Hotel Room - We had a hotel room at a Fairfield Inn in Metairie, just outside New Orleans proper. It was decently priced, had a hotel pool, and included breakfast, which were all great. What wasn't great was how quickly the kids managed to trash the hotel room, and there were no places to put things like towels. The kids and Jon also went swimming twice (I went once) and there was no place to put their slopping wet things and Jon just piled them in the middle of the bathroom. Also for some reason housekeeping only came once during our 4 night stay there. I very soon hated being in the room because of how it made me feel, even though I was so tired and just wanted to lie down.

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On Friday after having a rushed McDonalds lunch, because we wanted to have ample time at the airport, we found out that our flight to Newark would be delayed by 2h 15mins. We ended up staying at the McDonalds for longer so the kids to play at the play place. Then even after we passed security, we waited at an empty gate so the kids could run around without disturbing anyone else. By the time we landed at Newark, it was 10:30pm, we got our car around 11pm and ended up picking up McDonalds again for a late night supper since it was around the corner from our long-term parking lot. We reached home at 12 midnight, and obviously the kids had fallen asleep on the way home. Shower time for the kids that night (morning?) was obviously very traumatic with a lot of screaming because they were tired and didn't want to shower (of course). I myself went to bed around 1:30am because I was feeling keyed up, and Jon probably slept around 2am after running a load of laundry. 

That was Saturday morning. We then stuck around enough to do some chores, before heading out for a quick lunch and then going to church for their Easter community event at 1pm, so the girls could enjoy an Easter Egg Hunt. Then we drove to Long Island to visit my in-laws. Sunday morning we all went to Easter Mass together (I saw half of it because of course M got bored and noisy so I brought her outside), then we had lunch and started the drive back to NJ sans M (leaving her in Long Island for the week, because Jon will be away in Atlanta for a conference from Weds to Fri). Once back in NJ, I did non-stop chores all the way until about 6pm, where I got to play my much missed KCD2 for about an hour before going to bed early too.

It's Monday now and I managed to go to yoga today. I really feel the strain from not having exercised in a while. Between the trip and M falling sick often recently, I haven't been able to exercise as often as I'd have liked. I also did grocery shopping for the week, and by the time I got home it was around 12:15pm. I sat down to write after eating lunch, and so far it's taken me about an hour of straight typing and thinking to write all of this so far. The rest of my day is equally busy (E has a pediatrician visit, homework), so I should stop dawdling and get on with the rest of my chores now.

Anthony

Both E and M have an Anthony in their respective classes this year. And for some reason, the name appears to be hard for children to pronounce. I only realised this after some checking, because for the longest time the girls were telling me about a child in their class, and called them by funny sounding names, and I chalked it up to modern newfangled naming practices. For months, E would tell me about a nice boy in her class that she played with sometimes called Infanny (In-fe-ni). I thought that was a really weird name for a boy, but wondered if it was some sort of obscure Catholic saint. Then one day months later, it occured to me to ask her how Infanny's name was spelled, and she said A N T H... and I was all WTF. Her attempt at pronouncing his name just blew my mind. But I thought it was maybe an E thing.

Then one day I was walking M into her classroom of other 2 to 3 year olds, when she saw a classmate and got really excited. She kept saying Effie! Effie! In a very happy tone, Not really thinking much about it but also not quite believing M, I said to the boy, who was also with his Mom, Hi Effie, if that is even your name. And the Mom said Hi back on behalf of the boy, and clarified his name was Anthony. And I was left thinking, WTF, again???

Anyway next week is Spring Break, and we will be going to New Orleans for a holiday. It's the first time Jon has been back since he graduated, and it will be my first time visiting. New Orleans was always one of the places I wanted to visit when I first moved to the US, and somehow because of time and money, never got around to visiting. Of course it will be a very different experience visiting with kids versus before I had kids (not that I was a big drinker and partier before, but at least my bedtime wasn't 10pm), but it should be enjoyable nonetheless. And in a funny stroke of coincidence, we will also visit Jon's friend, Anthony, who moved back there to work after a spell doing his training in NYC. I wonder if the girls will attempt to pronounce Uncle Anthony's name, or just not call his name at all. Either way, it will be nice to see him and his husband, Jacob. The last time I saw them was right before I left NYC to go back to Singapore in preparation for E's birth in 2019, so it has been several years. Between COVID and kids, time has really passed quickly.

Passing

Yeh Yeh passed away yesterday. 

I had spoken to my parents in the morning and they mentioned that he was unwell, and my Dad was going to bring him to the doctor's the next day. When at 2:47 and 2:48pm, (am, Singapore time) I saw two missed calls from my mother, I immediately knew what happened. Phone calls at unexpected times are also how I heard Suze and Artie, my old neighbours from Sarawood, passed away (at two different times). There's something about seeing that missed call, or an incoming call from someone you don't normally chat to on the phone to know that Someone Has Passed.

Anyway what was particularly shitty about the timing was that I was overcome with sadness and crying, and I still had to hustle M out of the house to pick E up. I was hoping nothing showed on my face because I didn't want to talk about it with my Mom friends. And if they saw anything, they didn't mention it. I probably looked tired as usual, since it wasn't like I had a lot of time to cry anyway before heading out (received news at 2:52pm, left house by 3:10pm).

The grief of losing an older person is very bittersweet and mixed. Unlike a younger person, older people have led long lives, and are usually sick or ailing by the time they pass. When they finally leave, it's a small blessing because you know that they are no long suffering in their mortal bodies. And my grandfather has been very vocal about how miserable he has been ever since his accident that left him partially paralysed and unable to walk in 2021. I was pregnant with M at the time and Covid was still a fearsome spectre. Since the accident, I managed to fly back to Singapore twice for several months with Jon and the girls, as we at least got to see him then.

In one memorable incident, we had come back late, and found ourselves locked out of the house. Usually the front door would be open, because their house also had a front gate. This time we were locked out however, and had no key. We stood outside trying to get Rosie, their domestic helper's, attention, but it seemed she went to sleep early that night. Then we slid the front glass doors open and tried to get E, who was maybe 3 at the time, to open the door. She was small enough to fit through the grilles, but too small to be brave enough to do it in a dark house. In the end we got into the car and drove to my parent's place to get a set of keys from them. 

When we got into the house, Yeh Yeh called out and scolded us, lol. He said he could hear the ruckus we were making, but couldn't do anything but lie there in his room. He said we were stupid and that there was always a set of extra house keys in the car (we didn't know). Also why didn't we take the keys? Lol. I hadn't been scolded by him like that in a long time, and I guess it was the last time he scolded me. Jon says that's his greatest memory of Yeh Yeh, because Yeh Yeh never really did many distinctive things anyway. He was always sort of just... there. 

As his grandchild, I never had to deal with the bullshit and trauma that came from his wife and children in their respective relationships with him. As not-a-big-troublemaker, I was also spared any ignoring or outbursts that his other grandchildren has to deal with. It goes without saying that out of the 4 grandkids, Ryan was his favourite, and I guess by sheer elimination that makes me the next favourite. In essence I am probably one of the family members that had the least complicated feelings about him, while still spending a substantial amount of time with him as a child. 

I am sad and will think of him.

The Trial of the Pears

On the last day of January, a Friday, E suddenly fell sick with a fever in school. I was with M at a check up at the pediatrician's office, and so had to delay picking her up for a while, and felt pretty stressed and bad about that. Anyway we stayed home that weekend, and on Saturday evening M started to feel warm and show symptoms too. On Monday I kept E home just in case, and by late afternoon she was down with a fever again. By Tuesday Jon was starting to feel sick, and by Thursday I was definitely 100% sick and feeling shitty. As an adult however, I still had things to do. That Thursday schools were closed too, because of a snow/ice storm, but I had to send out a stack of time sensitive registered mails for our renovation permit. So for the first time in a long while, I wore a face mask and went to the post office, and then got groceries after.

That week sucked. The kids basically missed school all week. Although they were sick, they largely seemed unaffected by it, because they were as hyper as usual. For the adults however, we were wiped. Then because my brother-in-law and his family from Florida were visiting, we met up with them at The Buffet with my parent-in-laws. I don't know if it was the food I consumed even though I was still feeling unwell, but that incident triggered horrible GERD symptoms in me. For that night and the rest of the week, I'd wake up in the middle of the night and be unable to fall asleep for hours, and I didn't even know what the problem was until days later when I was basically about to have a breakdown from lack of sleep. I don't know how I made it through that week except through lots of prayer and willpower.

Anyway it's been a month, but my stomach is still messed up. Usually I take my stomach medicine once a day, but now I have been taking it twice a day. The last time I tried to test the waters last week, I was again punished by a middle-of-the-night wake up for hours until the medicine kicked in. My craving for flavourful food has gone down the drain, and so mild wraps are now my desired lunchtime food. Even the thought of a chicken/tuna mayonnaise sandwich seems too 'tasty' for me. It's like I'm pregnant again, except there is no baby as a promised reward this time (not that I want another baby, I am barely coping with two).

Amidst all this fun stuff, was the weather, and our fridge breaking down, and the fact that I had volunteered to bring pears to church for fruit baskets. The church we attend has the Sunday School kids bringing in different types of fruit to make fruit baskets for homebound parishioners on special occasions. The last time was for Christmas/Advent, and this time was for Valentine's Day. The usual fruits that you can sign up to bring are oranges, apples, bananas, and pears - and almost always no one wants to bring pears. Per pound, pears are usually the most expensive and they also have the shortest shelf life. So because we signed up late (We weren't going to go that week because we were going to meet with in-laws, as mentioned earlier), and only because an email was sent out mid-week asking for people to contribute. So, like a sucker for a plea, I agreed to bring 2x bags of pears (for 2x kids).

Then of course all hell broke loose later that week with the adults falling sick. So even feeling like shit on that Thursday, when I had to go to the post office, I went and purchased $18 of pears at the grocery store, because I was feeling too sick to go to another, cheaper, grocery store (and the weather was also bad). Then Friday morning rolls around, and it turns out another winter storm is predicted for late Saturday night/Sunday morning, so they have decided TO POSTPONE THE FRUIT BASKET MAKING TO THE FOLLOWING WEEK. So now I had 16 pears, and I knew we weren't going to finish 16 pears, and those pears were not going to last the week. 

I drove around with the pears in the car that day (7th Feb), thinking of what to do with the pears. I even thought about offering them to random parents at E's school pick up, but I thought that was too weird even for me. Instead when I went to Kumon, I offered them to Miss Debbie, E's teacher. Turns out Miss Debbie likes pears, and so I give her 6. Then as a joke to one of the kids sitting next to E, I offer him pears. Then it strikes me that his dad, who I have been friendly with, and spoken to a few times, is probably waiting in his car in the parking lot, so I go out to look for him and offer him 6 pears too, and he happily accepts them. Although I am happy that the pears did not go to waste, I am annoyed that I had to pay through the nose for the pears, and still have to repurchase them next week.

Then Saturday night, the fridge starts making loud noises. We can't tell what's wrong with it. Sunday morning Jon thinks the freezer is not working, because things are starting to melt. It is still cold out and in the house, so it's hard to tell what is happening - we think maybe the refrigerator is just not cooling very well, but that it still 80% works. Monday I am so out of it and exhausted because I haven't slept, and the fridge still seems cool. I am preoccupied with trying to stay alive, cook, do chores, and bring E to her Girl Scouts meeting while watching M in the library. I feel like death.

Tuesday I start to wonder if the fridge is really kaput, and I open the freezer and everything has thawed. There is blood from meat everywhere, and it has mixed with melted ice cream. I see it and want to throw up. I am so exhausted, sick, and miserable, I almost have a breakdown, except maybe I am too tired to even lose it. Jon orders a small fridge from Amazon, scheduled to arrive on Wednesday. For 24h the reality hits that we have no fridge, and I don't know to provide and take care of my family and I still feel physically like death. M keeps trying to eat cheese from the broken fridge. I think Jon bought take out that night, I don't remember. 

Wednesday comes and I still feel physically wretched. My stomach is so messed up I can't even nap, or if I do it's a very light sleep for only 10 minutes at a go. I feel like collapsing. Just before I leave to pick E up, the fridge comes. It's a decent size, a little bigger than a mini fridge. It's about the same size as the fridge I had in my dormitory room when I was in Teacher's College. When E is at her gymnastics class, I drag my sorry ass over to the nearby Shoprite to buy some things for dinner, like a rotisserie chicken, and some basic supplies like milk. I also decide to repurchase the pears, because I felt so sick I didn't know if I would be able to make another trip to a grocery store before Sunday. I viciously decide to pick smaller sized pears this time, and pack only 7 per bag instead of 8 like I did last week. The bill is still probably $15 or some absurd figure - why are pears so goddamn expensive???

This of course, brings rise to another problem, where do I store the pears? If I keep them inside the house, they will ripen quickly and spoil. I can't put them in the fridge either, because we simply have no space. Every time we need to put anything into the fridge, it's like a mini Tetris game. So, I tie the pears up in a reusable bag, and leave them outside by our back door. It's where I also put some cans of seltzer, because there is no space for them in the fridge either. It being February, the weather is of course still nuts. One day it snows and turns into rain, and the other it drops way below freezing. Two of the seltzer cans swell until it looks like they are about to explode. But I still have no place to put the pears and so I leave them outside, and every time I wonder what is happening to them with the crazy temperatures they are subject to, I am filled with grim resentment. I resent these fucking pears and I hope they suffer from the vagaries of the weather. I only agreed to purchase and bring them to church, I didn't promise to take care of the pears in the interim. I notice the bag also moves around a little, but I didn't think much of it. 

Somewhere around Thursday I realise that  I am probably suffering from bad GERD. I have been having heartburn, which is why I wake up wide awake at 2am and then am unable to fall asleep until hours later. I end up take my GERD medication twice a day, and I am able to sleep again. While I have been suffering from GERD, my other cold symptoms have completely disappeared. Jon on the other hand, has still gotten bad lingering symptoms and is exhausted too. I don't remember what happens that Saturday night, but when we wake up on Sunday I know we are not going to church that day, but I still need to deliver the pears. E wakes up around 10am, and Jon goes to take a nap around that time. Around 10:50am after dragging my feet all morning I finally go to get ready just so I could drop the pears off at church after service. Before leaving I retrieve the bag from the back door, and to my (slight) dismay, I realise there are small chew marks on two of the pears. The squirrels must have somehow wriggled their faces in and given the two of the pears little teeth scrapes. Whatever, not my problem.

I drive over to church, and I am still grumpy as hell. I bring the fruits to the parlor, where the fruit basket assembly is to take place, running into various people. I tell them about the ordeal I had with the pears, and they are all sympathetic about the broken fridge and having to throw food out. Even though I am still resentful and annoyed about the pears, my mood does shift a little as I start to interact with friends. Then as I am hanging around, Julie appears, and while racing around like a madwoman she asks if I have time to help pack the fruit baskets. Considering that this is the rare time I don't have kids to take care of at church, I grudgingly agree, and so then I find myself helping with the fruit baskets. I team up with N, Julie's son to pack the bags together, and it is fun guiding him to pack 2 bananas and etc. in each paper bag (not a literal basket). I am less pissed about the pears, but I have fulfilled my promise, and I know the pears will be appreciated by their recipients.

It's been almost one and a half weeks since this nonsense wrapped up, and even now as I recall the whole ordeal of the pears, I am still irritated. It's just one of those ridiculous things in life when the shit hits the fan all at the same time, and it's so absurdly mundane yet aggravating. So anyway, fuck pears. 

Last Day of 2024

I just came back from yoga class and I feel (like always) that I have been through the wringer and that I now need a nap. Although I mainly go for the health and exercise benefits, I do like listening to the little talks the teachers give at the beginning of the classes. One big theme in yoga is about appreciating and being thankful for various things in your life, and of course it being the end of the year, this was the one the teacher picked to talk about - a year in review sort of thing. 

Well I was thinking about it as I was working out (between the grunting and feeling like I am going to die from doing all this physical work), and I thought about how incredibly lucky and blessed I was this very day, and that just years ago this would have been unthinkable, and how far I (and the rest of my family) has come. 

I still remember the worst New Year's Eve, it was in 2020 (into 2021). Covid was in full swing, so we hadn't seen our families in ages. I was feeling isolated in St Louis, because I didn't have any close friends, and all the neighbours I was friendly with were spending time with their own families. But of course, Jon has work, though he said he could come home early. However as the day progressed, he kept texting that he kept being held back at work. An expected arrival home around noon became 2pm, 2pm became 3pm, 3pm because 4pm... etc. In the end he came home around 6 or 7pm that night, basically normal working hours. I ended up crying and having a huge breakdown sometime in the afternoon because I was so upset. I remember being on the main level of our Sarawood house, and lying on the red bean bag crying. Meanwhile toddler Elizabeth was aware something was wrong, and I recall her trying to give me tissues or a hug, and then wandering off to  do something else. I felt so lonely and alone, and overwhelmed with being the primary caregiver all the time.

Today however, I am typing in a peaceful and quiet house. The girls are staying with their grandparents in Long Island. After spending a week travelling all over to see family (Aunty WY and her family + Mama in Maryland, my in-laws in Long Island), Jon and I left the girls at my in-laws so we could clean the house and get things done. I just came from a yoga class, then I am going to fix a simple lunch for myself, knit a little, and clean the girls' bathroom upstairs. At some point I also need to fold the laundry, maybe mop the floor (or persuade Jon to do it when he gets home later), shower and take a nap. Then tonight, we will go see Billy Joel in concert in NY, and then head over to my in-laws. Tomorrow we will drive back with the girls to NJ, to resume our usual grind on Thursday. I am grateful that I have the chance to do these things, and be with the people I love. Going forward, my greatest wish for the new year is that M will start sleeping through the night/by herself, so I can get undisturbed sleep and feel like a functioning human again.