Shows

Last night Jon and I finished watching the first seasons of Attack on Titan. It was not a show I anticipated ever watching, after having tried it for a bit years ago and giving up on it.

Going on a Bear Hunt

From July to August, I spent 7 weeks in Singapore with the girls (Jon was there for the first 2 weeks - we went to Batam as an extended family with my parents and Mama, and his friend Varun and Ishita came over from India to visit us too). It was a long and exhausting 7 weeks, and I got to meet up and spend a lot of time with my friends and loved ones, which I really appreciated. At the same time my Dad was dealing with a bunch of health problems, which was also stressful and worrying, luckily those managed to be resolved. Back in NJ however, Jon was staying in our half-renovated house, which had now finally moved into the construction stage after almost 2 years of being held up by permits.

I was not looking forward to going back to NJ. I have few close friends here, it feels like a land that I don't quite belong in, and the house was in complete disarray. For example, we have been here for over a month, and we still have no fully functioning kitchen. I suppose it's just as well that I have no appetite and am not eating much now anyway. I've managed to lose close to 7 lbs over the last 2 weeks. 

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These days I think about the book/song Going on a Bear Hunt. Can't go over it, can't go under it, just gotta go through it. 

I've also been listening to a lot of Korn recently. Shortly after I arrived back to the US I went to the System of a Down & Korn concert at the Metlife Stadium in East Rutherford. I really wanted to go because I love System of a Down, but at the concert I gained a new appreciation for Korn. Falling Away From Me resonates very strongly with me these days. 

Snapshot of Kid-Free Thursday

E's kindergarten ended last week for the Summer, and since we will be going to Singapore for pretty much the entire Summer, we decided to let the girls stay at Lolo and Lola's house in Long Island for the week, while I knocked out a bunch of medical appointments. I went to yoga today as usual, and as usual because I am suffering in class and want to think about anything else than my discomfort at the moment, my mind started wandering and so I decided I wanted to make a short post about today. I've also recently gotten into doing puzzles thanks to Shirin's influence, and with the delivery of a dedicated folding puzzle table I wanted to attempt my first 1,000 piece puzzle.

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Current Short-Term (hopefully) Health Problems: Slightly painful aching left big toe, pulled a muscle there about 2 weeks ago. Cracks all the time now. Heartburn, because I've had to taper off Omaprazole in anticipation for tomorrow's Endoscopy.

Long-Term Health Problems I Need to Address: High cholesterol, pre-diabetes (thanks to the medical appointments I had on Monday)

Breakfast: Overnight oats with chia seeds, blueberries, strawberries, and a touch of maple syrup

Morning Tea: Yorkshire tea with milk and sugar

Reading: False Confession Manhwa (features PTSD, which I find interesting)

Playing: Red Dead Redemption 2 (even though I haven't finished the DLC for KCD2 yet, but Henry is the best and I want to drag things out as long as I can)

Fiber Project: Knitting the Ridge Tank Top in Knitting for Olive Cotton Merino, but might switch to some other things for the Singapore trip

Puzzle: The New Yorker Bodega Cat by New York Puzzle Company 

Lunch: Going to met Julie to have Mul-Naengmyeon in Closter

It's nice to chill out without the kids in my own space, and feel like my own human again. But of course I miss them, and the house feels too quiet without them around.

Memorial Weekend 2025

This year we had a very fun, and tiring, Memorial Day weekend. E's school district had an extra snow day to use, and so were also closed on the Friday before, so she had a nice long 4 day break. At the same time, I had been cleaning like crazy during the week, because we were having our first house guest, Shirin, over! I was very excited, as I hadn't seen her in months even though we are physically so much closer in proximity than before. With her working, the kids schedules, and general life chaos, meeting up was as difficult as ever, but because of the long weekend, she would be able to come and stay for a few days. 

Friday - 23 May

As always M doesn't have school on Fridays anyway, so I had to entertain both kids. I ended up bringing them to an indoor playground nearby. Thankfully it was fairly empty (less than 15 kids total at any one time), and both girls are old enough to mostly play with each other. So as they played and ran around, I managed to get some knitting done. The few times I played with them, I don't think they appreciated it very much when I pushed them in a car in tight donuts or figure eights, saying, "It's crazy taxi!"

After that we went to Stew Leonard's for lunch. E always loves eating there because she likes picking her food buffet style. In fact, she loves all buffets. Apparently she once wrote a book about buffets in her class in school. Then after that we all shared a large sized pineapple soft serve, which was really yummy. My phone battery was dying, so we went home for a short spell for me to charge my phone, before racing out to pick up some bagels I had ordered from Too Good to Go by 3pm. Then we went to Kumon for a bit, before returning home finally. 

Saturday - 24 May

Because M seemed mildly sick during the week, I had kept her at home on Tuesday and couldn't go for my regular rowing class. Then on Weds night she woke up a few times and I was personally feeling too exhaustedly ill to go for yoga on Thursday (I cleaned at home instead). So I hadn't been able to exercise the entire week, and at the same time was feeling tubby. I instead went to a different rowing class on Saturday morning, which was meant to be more intensive than my regular class and included some dumbbell exercises. I mostly did my own thing, while trying hard to ignore the guy on the rowing machine next to me, who I could see going like a crazy jack rabbit out of the corner of my eye. It was still a very good work out, as always. I went home and manically cleaned for a bit, before we left to go to a friend's house. 

I had met Anu at the kids dance and yoga classes that we had been doing at a nearby town's community centre during the Winter time. She also has two kids close in age to E and M, and her oldest child was having a birthday party. We were there for about 2h. The girls painted and did crafts and ran around, and I got to chat to a few different people which was nice. Then we went to get McDonalds on the way home because we were all still hungry (LOL) and I resumed cleaning as much as I could. Around 3:30pm, Jon left to pick Shirin up from the bus stop. I went inside to drop off my mug that I had been drinking tea from, only to find that the girls who had been playing outside had disappeared too. Apparently everyone but me had gone to pick Shirin up, pfft. 

Later after Shirin had come, Jon and E brought her out for a drive around our area while I stayed at home to keep an eye on our dinner, which was cooking in the oven. I appreciated all this time to rest, because I had basically been going balls to the wall all day. Even when they got back, I was just resting and knitting in my usual spot in front of the computer for a bit, while I listened to the girls and Shirin play legos together. It was quite amusing listening to their conversation. We had a simple dinner of oven baked chicken wings and salad. After finishing my usual nightly chores of bathing a child (and of course myself), and putting M to sleep, I hung out more downstairs with Shirin. Over a 500 piece puzzle (Buzzy Bouquet by Galison, which turned out to have more bugs than I anticipate - ew), we chatted about family and all sorts of other random things. We finished around 11pm, having taken about 2h to finish the puzzle, and then went off to get ready for bed. 

Sunday - 25 May

During the night, M woke up with an alarming cough several times. Then at one point I woke up really bloated and uncomfortable because I had evidently abused my sensitive stomach too much the previous day, and so was awake for a good hour+ Essentially, I woke up on Sunday morning -30 HP. I came downstairs to Jon freaking out about M being sick and wanting to bring her to the doctor to get tested for Strep, while vaguely mentally processing things. So while he brought her to Urgent Care, I had breakfast and we all waited to see what would happen next to the rest of the days plan. I must note that at this point, besides the really alarming cough she had displayed during the night, M had looked cheerful and crazy as usual when I had seen her in the morning, and was running around like a nut. In the end it turned out the co-pay cost would be $100, so Jon returned home with M without getting her tested or seen by the doctor, lol.

We ended up leaving the house a wee bit later than originally anticipated, heading up north to visit Storm King Art Center. It turned out to be a lot windier and cooler there than anticipated (STORM KING should have been a clue) so the kids initially were not very happy. After a while they started to enjoy running around, especially since they also had cool Aunty Shirin who would also run up slopes with them to look at sculptures. My lazy tired ass will stay down in the valley, thank you very much. We stayed there for about 2h until it was about lunch time. Then when we got to the car, it turned out that Nyack was a lot further from Storm King than I realised, so we initially thought to get lunch nearer first. The cafe we dropped by at however, had a 25 minute waitlist. So we piled back into the car for the 45 min ride to Nyack, which went through Bear Mountain State Park.

At Nyack we finally had lunch at Art Cafe, which was very charming. The kids didn't really enjoy the food though. Then we walked around Nyack, and I got to visit Knitting Nation, though I ended up not purchasing anything. We finally got back to the car around 4pm, to head towards home. M fell asleep in the car, so after we got home I stayed outside to knit on the porch while I let her nap for a little in the car. After about 20 minutes I carried her in, and she was of course very cranky. Then she ended up falling asleep on me while I sat with her on the couch, and I just ended up playing with my phone. The upside was that it was nice to lay sort-of-flat on the couch after all that walking. I had already started the day with aching legs because of my workout the previous day, and all the walking of course only made my legs ache more. 

I finally managed to get M awake around 5:30pm, and we ended up eating leftovers for dinner. Because M had napped, I had a hell of a time trying to get her to go to bed later that night. In the end she finally fell asleep after a lot of fussing around 9:40pm. Initially Jon, Shirin and I had planned to watch The Goes Wrong Show together, but Jon declined to Jon us because it was too late. I ended up watching 2 episodes with Shirin, a new one (90 Degress) and a re-watch of my favourite one (A Trial to Watch).

Monday - 26 May

As Shirin was leaving around noon, we decided to get an early brunch in Ridgewood. I am thankful that I made early reservations, because soon after we arrived, the cafe became really swamped and busy. After brunch, we walked a little bit around Ridgewood before returning home. Then it was time for Shirin to leave, and so Jon went to drop her off at the bus stop (though apparently locating it was a bit of an adventure) while I stayed home with the kids. 

At around 2:50pm, we headed out of the house again because we wanted to bring the kids to the LEAD carnival in Paramus. We arrived around 3:15pm, and were supposed to meet Mike and his kids there, but apparently the younger one fell asleep, so we went inside first. I had bought pre-opening unlimited ride passes for a discounted price, so we could do unlimited rides. I am glad we went early, because there were initially no lines, though of course it got crowded quickly. The girls had a good time, and were all sticky and hyper from the cotton candy. After a lot of texting back and forth, we finally met up with Mike and the kids for a bit, before going to navigate the carnival in separate groups again. 

Finally about 5:30pm, we decided we'd bring the kids on one more ride before calling it. We ended up arranging to meet with Mike again to head to the food court. Somewhere during this time, Julie had apparently arrived back in NJ after her short trip to Cleveland, and she met us right at the exit. We all shared a big communal table at the food court and chatted for a bit before heading off, and we reached our car by 7pm for the drive home. We were all tired, and M actually fell asleep for a short period of time on the car ride home. Thankfully she didn't sleep too long because of course we had to get her out of the car and bathed, so she went to sleep by around 8:30pm last night.

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I have just returned from my usual Tuesday rowing class. I am feeling tired from the work out, and of the really eventful past few days, but I am feeling quite happy and content with the world and my life today.

Allergies or Fiber?

My allergies are absolutely terrible this year. Even with allergy medication 2x a day, plus nasal spray, plus wearing a surgical mask, plus showering once I am indoors, I feel terrible. It has been raining the last few days so at least there was some respite, and I felt OK during the weekend. However yesterday things seemed to hit the fan. 

We had all had a shitty night of sleep with the girls waking up at various intervals, and so I already began the day -20 HP. Then I discovered E seemed warm, after she complained that her head hurt. I gave her tylenol and kept her home just in case, bracing myself for a challenging day ahead (it always is when both kids are home). When we got home after M's gym and a quick grocery run with E, I started boiling wintermelon soup. For that, because of the open flame, I had to have the kitchen windows open for aeration. At the same time, I also had the fan blowing in that direction, hoping to blow the carbon fumes/allergens outwards. 

While that was cooking slowly (window open for hours!), I was at the same time working on the sleeves of a cardigan I was knitting. This was my first time working with a pretty loosely spun single (thanks Sirdar Jewelspun), and because I had made mistakes and had to frog the same sections twice, the fibers were sticking out and flying about. I don't know if it was the result of everything together, but my nose constantly felt itchy when I was knitting. I had felt that before, but not to this extent. But I wanted to finish the damned sleeve, and I was too mentally tired to do anything else or focus on KCD2. So I knit, through all the nose itching.

Around 5pm however, I really started to feel miserable. I started sneezing up a storm (maybe the antihistamines wore off), the type of sneeze that opens up the back of your throat and comes out full force. Then my nose started running. I sneezed so much after that, for the remainder of the day, that I went to bed with a full fledged sore throat from all that explosive action. I felt miserable. Then I woke up around 4am for a bit and my throat felt quite sore, so I ended taking some tylenol and managing to go back to bed. My nose was stuffed and full of gunk, so evidently I was also snoring too, compounding my throat problems. 

This morning I woke up feeling pretty shit, with a looming bad headache to boot. But after the medicine I took kicked in, I felt much better and managed to go for another rowing class. I had especially wanted to make this class because I had mentioned it to Ashley, a mom of one of E's classmates, and she was going to go for a trial class today, and I wanted to be there for her. We had a good and exhausting time, and now I am home, enjoying the peace and quiet since both kids are at school. I am content and happy for now... until my nose inevitably acts up again.

Row Row Row Your Boat

I never listened to much metal until I became a housewife. I liked Linkin Park, and some of Limp Bizkit's music, but nu-metal was as much exposure I got as a 2000s teen growing up in Singapore. I had heard of bands like Metallica of course, but never heard any of their music until I deliberately went looking for 'Enter Sandman' because I heard American troops were using it to torture prisoners of war in Abu Gharib and other. That and 'Highway to Hell' by AC/DC. In reflection this is actually pretty funny (not for the prisoners of course, who had never heard such music before and were being blasted by this seemingly hellistic, satanic sounds 24/7 as a form of mental torture) because those are actually very mainstream metal songs and not at all controversial. Those songs, and those bands, are miles away from actual Black Metal or Satanic Metal. I remember being so apprehensive to even listen to Enter Sandman and Highway to Hell then, convinced my christian soul was at stake (evidently my intellectual curiosity won out). But thanks to Limewire, I did. This was probably 2004? And I was 14 years old. 

Anyway when we moved to StL, my favourite music station was KLOU 103.3 and they specialised in '80s and '90s rock. From that station I ended up being exposed to a lot of new music, like ZZ Top, and occasionally they'd play Rage Against the Machine and System of a Down. Soon, those two bands entered my regular rotation of music. They were the best to listen to when doing mindless numbing tasks, like folding endless loads of laundry. And then I had M, and went though another bout of post-partum depression, and as I'd lay in bed feeling despair all I could think of was the lyrics of Chop Suey. Still Rage and System were very much considered not regular 'metal'. I tried listening to metal songs and bands, but nothing resonated. I was not a fan of the guttural incoherent screaming sounds. Somewhere around this time I heard about a rising band named Ghost, and even wanted to go to their concert in StL in Aug 2023, but we were ultimately unable to make the timing work.

From then to now, I also heard about a band called Amon Amarth and enjoyed their whole Viking Metal schtick, but also couldn't get behind the guttural vocals. I still played Put Your Back Into the Oar though, and one time E asked me what the song was, and I said it was basically 'Row Row Row Your Boat', and she said she liked the song after, lol. I also subscribed to Napalm Records on YouTube, and enjoyed the occasional metal songs from all over (Maori Metal anyone?). And Ghost of course, over the past 2 years, exploded into somewhat mainstream consciousness. Twice I have seen people wearing Ghost merch out. 

One of these times, the woman wearing the Ghost hoodie, turned out to be really chatty. I ended up having a great conversation with her, and it turned out she was once a DJ for a metal radio station in NJ, so she was very knowledgeable about metal. She gave me a whole slew of recommendations, and I went home and started listening to some of them. Somehow this made YouTube decide to give me recommendations, and they turned out to be full concert length videos of Behemoth and Batushka (now Patriakh) - two Polish Black Metal Bands. And somehow as I sat there listening and knitting, something stuck. And it was maybe a day or two later that I found out that my grandfather had died, and suddenly that misery and sadness I felt made their Black Metal songs feel comforting. It was all I felt like listening to. And I guess this is where I at with my metal listening journey, which oddly developed not when I was an angsty teen, but as a full fledged (debatable of course) adult with children.

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Yesterday I went to a trial rowing class. Years ago, the ex I dated in LSE, was co-captain or something of the rowing club. They even did some '24h' row thing with a machine on Houghton Street before to raise money, but I don't recall going to see it, lol. I was a pretty shit girlfriend. But anyway I think that was the first time I really became aware of a rowing exercise machine. It looked cool, but I didn't understand how to use it.

Of course over the years I have seem numerous rowing machines in gyms, but never once used them. I have tugged on the handles before, but never dared to use it. Also the first tug of the handle seemed so tough and intimidating, which was also another deterrent. Around StL too, there were quite a few Row Houses, which I figured was like Peloton but with rowing machines. I thought the name was pretty clever, but didn't think anything else beyond that because I had no time or energy to exercise or take care of myself. 

Then of course we moved to NJ, and lo and behold, there is Row House nearby. I thought about going for a trial class there, but then Jon warmed me that I was so out of shape, I was liable to give myself a heart attack. So instead I aimed lower (OR DID I?) and started doing yoga regularly in Summer 2024. With the initial trial period I went to yoga twice a week, but later slowed to once a week. Still almost every yoga class made me feel like my butt was kicked. That felt like enough exercise for now, and so I was pretty content. 

For the New Orleans trip however, I had a hell of a time packing, as mentioned before. I was not happy with my body, and decided I should step up my game. After looking around the area (and knowing I was not likely to stick to anything that would be a pain to get to), I ended up back at Row House. So I signed up for a trial class and went yesterday, and I really enjoyed it. I liked the motion of the rowing machine, which of course took some time for me to learn, but somehow snapped into place when then lights were turned off. All the yoga I did helped too, because afterwards I was not collapsing in agony. I felt fine all day yesterday too (punishing allergies aside), and woke up only 1/10 in muscular aches today too. What I didn't like was all the loud music, so I feel like I need to bring earplugs next time. Also, I felt the experience could have been improved if they blasted metal music instead. It would have been awesome to row listening to metal Row Row Row Your Boat - Put Your Back Into The Oar by Amon Amarth.

Sparks Nice Memories

Yesterday after neglecting my wardrobe for months, I finally got around to cleaning it and sorting it out. I was tired of everything being in a self-created jumble, and failing to find particular items of clothing that I knew were in the mess somehow. That and overstuffed drawers that wouldn't close. Part of it was months of neglect and I-don't-know-what-to-do-with-this finally coming to a head when I had to pack for New Orleans, and was having a hell of a time finding a dress that was both weather and occasion appropriate for 'smart casual' restaurants at night.

Anyway I spent at least 2h+ sorting things out and rearranging things, and I still have more to do because I had to leave to go pick up E, and then later cook dinner. While I was doing this I decided to dedicate a shelf to clothes that 'give me special feelings but that I am realistically not going to wear for reasons'. The first things that ended up in this shelf were my renaissance fair stuff: the polyester faux medieval blue overdress and chemise, the viking overdress that I needed to re-fit, two thick chemises of cotton and linen that are heavy and long that IDK what to do with. The next were two vintage-y style dresses that I love, and can't fit into comfortably. Finally the last were outright sentimental items: the white collared dress shirt with cuff links still attached that I wore for my LSE graduation, the green silk blouse I wore for my first conference presentation in Vancouver, a grey t-shirt from the Utah National Parks when I visited them with my parents after graduating from my Masters in 2016, and a grey t-shirt from Main Streets Books in St. Charles that I remember wearing one day while running into the elevator at Mercy Hospital when I was pregnant with M, and another occupant saying, "St. Charles eh?"

There are other sentimental items of clothing around of course, but like I said, I still have more sorting and cleaning to do. 

New Orleans Spring Break

For Spring Break this year we visited New Orleans. Years ago when I first moved to the US for my studies, New Orleans was one of the places I wanted to visit most. Then life happened, and now some 10 and a half years after moving to the US, I finally got the chance to visit, which was nice. Because Jon had studied there, I pretty much left all of the trip planning to him, exempting 2 places I wanted to visit. I even somehow manage to push the responsibility of packing for the trip to him, though in retrospect I regretted that because he somehow under-packed M's clothes, and she ran out half way. In the end he had to handwash and attempt to dry her clothes in the hotel room. For future reference the way to pack for kids is this: days of trip x 1.5 items of clothing. Also for some reason we always never have enough moisturizer. And the kids are always cold.

Top 3 Things 

1. The Food - Jon had done his research and booked some really nice restaurants for us to eat at. At the same time I really enjoyed getting to try Cajun and Creole cuisine, plus just eating all the seafood in general. I loved having cheesy grits with my food, nibbling on beignets (which reminded me of ham chim peng), and was happy I got to have a breakfast of biscuits and gravy. E always enjoyed eating Red Beans and Rice, which of course made us happy too. 

2. The Kids - E was very excited about the trip. For some reason she was really looking forward to the plane ride there. It was nice seeing them excited about seeing the different and new sights, and watching them play. It was also enjoyable having snowballs with them, and visiting the Children's Museum.

3. Shopping - NOLA has a fair amount of unique shops, beyond the tourist crap (which of course we partook of too), and other mass produced junk. I actually bought quite a few pairs of earrings for reasonable prices in and around the French Market area. One of the places I really wanted to visit was also Yvonne LaFleur, a women's clothing store in the Garden District. I had seem videos of the store, and it seemed like a lovely old school women's store, with a remarkable owner to boot. Sure enough, while I was looking around the store, Ms. Yvonne LaFleur appeared and even chatted to E and I for a while. I really liked looking around the store and taking pictures with E. If only we didn't have a mortgage to pay, or else I'd have bought more from there. 

Bonus item: The scenery/architecture.

I really liked seeing the architecture of the houses around New Orleans. Of course there was the French Quarter itself, but I also liked the shotguns and double shotgun houses that were all over. There were those painted in bright eye catching colours, there were those decorated with permanent Mardi Gras beads, and those with just pretty porch furniture. I also appreciated how during the evenings you could see people actually sitting on their porches just chilling out. It really added to the vibe of New Orleans being 'The Big Easy' to just see people hanging out and relaxing.

Worst 3 Things

1. The Food - I hated dealing with the kids during every meal time. M was particularly difficult because she is a picky eater anyway. Travelling meant even more foreign items, and us being too tired to deal with her nonsense. She basically didn't eat an entire vegetable or fruit during her entire time in New Orleans. She also largely survived on the bread that was given as an appetizer when we ate at nicer places. The top meal highlight for the kids was when right before we went to the airport to fly back to NJ, we went to a McDonalds. That that McDonalds happened to have a play place too was icing on the cake. Best meal ever for kids: chicken mcnuggets      -___________-"

2. The Kids - OH MY GOD THEY CAN BE SO ANNOYING. Also they complain allllllllll the timeeeeee. Too hot too cold too tired too sun-in-my-eyes-Mummy. They definitely made the trip unpleasant and tiring several times. At one point on our sole planation visit (I would have wanted to see more ordinarily, but we were cognizant of the kids) to Laura Plantation, I had to dip out for 1/3 of the guided tour because M kept complaining she was hungry, so I had to bring her to the Gift Shop to buy a $2 pack of peanut butter crackers for her to eat (to her credit she did finish the entire packet of 6 crackers). I also don't remember exactly what happened but after our morning visiting a section of the French Quarter on our first full day there, the kids left me so drained I basically crashed out and napped for 2h back at the hotel afterwards. According to Jon I snored quite a bit too, so I really must have been wiped. 

3. The Hotel Room - We had a hotel room at a Fairfield Inn in Metairie, just outside New Orleans proper. It was decently priced, had a hotel pool, and included breakfast, which were all great. What wasn't great was how quickly the kids managed to trash the hotel room, and there were no places to put things like towels. The kids and Jon also went swimming twice (I went once) and there was no place to put their slopping wet things and Jon just piled them in the middle of the bathroom. Also for some reason housekeeping only came once during our 4 night stay there. I very soon hated being in the room because of how it made me feel, even though I was so tired and just wanted to lie down.

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On Friday after having a rushed McDonalds lunch, because we wanted to have ample time at the airport, we found out that our flight to Newark would be delayed by 2h 15mins. We ended up staying at the McDonalds for longer so the kids to play at the play place. Then even after we passed security, we waited at an empty gate so the kids could run around without disturbing anyone else. By the time we landed at Newark, it was 10:30pm, we got our car around 11pm and ended up picking up McDonalds again for a late night supper since it was around the corner from our long-term parking lot. We reached home at 12 midnight, and obviously the kids had fallen asleep on the way home. Shower time for the kids that night (morning?) was obviously very traumatic with a lot of screaming because they were tired and didn't want to shower (of course). I myself went to bed around 1:30am because I was feeling keyed up, and Jon probably slept around 2am after running a load of laundry. 

That was Saturday morning. We then stuck around enough to do some chores, before heading out for a quick lunch and then going to church for their Easter community event at 1pm, so the girls could enjoy an Easter Egg Hunt. Then we drove to Long Island to visit my in-laws. Sunday morning we all went to Easter Mass together (I saw half of it because of course M got bored and noisy so I brought her outside), then we had lunch and started the drive back to NJ sans M (leaving her in Long Island for the week, because Jon will be away in Atlanta for a conference from Weds to Fri). Once back in NJ, I did non-stop chores all the way until about 6pm, where I got to play my much missed KCD2 for about an hour before going to bed early too.

It's Monday now and I managed to go to yoga today. I really feel the strain from not having exercised in a while. Between the trip and M falling sick often recently, I haven't been able to exercise as often as I'd have liked. I also did grocery shopping for the week, and by the time I got home it was around 12:15pm. I sat down to write after eating lunch, and so far it's taken me about an hour of straight typing and thinking to write all of this so far. The rest of my day is equally busy (E has a pediatrician visit, homework), so I should stop dawdling and get on with the rest of my chores now.

Anthony

Both E and M have an Anthony in their respective classes this year. And for some reason, the name appears to be hard for children to pronounce. I only realised this after some checking, because for the longest time the girls were telling me about a child in their class, and called them by funny sounding names, and I chalked it up to modern newfangled naming practices. For months, E would tell me about a nice boy in her class that she played with sometimes called Infanny (In-fe-ni). I thought that was a really weird name for a boy, but wondered if it was some sort of obscure Catholic saint. Then one day months later, it occured to me to ask her how Infanny's name was spelled, and she said A N T H... and I was all WTF. Her attempt at pronouncing his name just blew my mind. But I thought it was maybe an E thing.

Then one day I was walking M into her classroom of other 2 to 3 year olds, when she saw a classmate and got really excited. She kept saying Effie! Effie! In a very happy tone, Not really thinking much about it but also not quite believing M, I said to the boy, who was also with his Mom, Hi Effie, if that is even your name. And the Mom said Hi back on behalf of the boy, and clarified his name was Anthony. And I was left thinking, WTF, again???

Anyway next week is Spring Break, and we will be going to New Orleans for a holiday. It's the first time Jon has been back since he graduated, and it will be my first time visiting. New Orleans was always one of the places I wanted to visit when I first moved to the US, and somehow because of time and money, never got around to visiting. Of course it will be a very different experience visiting with kids versus before I had kids (not that I was a big drinker and partier before, but at least my bedtime wasn't 10pm), but it should be enjoyable nonetheless. And in a funny stroke of coincidence, we will also visit Jon's friend, Anthony, who moved back there to work after a spell doing his training in NYC. I wonder if the girls will attempt to pronounce Uncle Anthony's name, or just not call his name at all. Either way, it will be nice to see him and his husband, Jacob. The last time I saw them was right before I left NYC to go back to Singapore in preparation for E's birth in 2019, so it has been several years. Between COVID and kids, time has really passed quickly.

Passing

Yeh Yeh passed away yesterday. 

I had spoken to my parents in the morning and they mentioned that he was unwell, and my Dad was going to bring him to the doctor's the next day. When at 2:47 and 2:48pm, (am, Singapore time) I saw two missed calls from my mother, I immediately knew what happened. Phone calls at unexpected times are also how I heard Suze and Artie, my old neighbours from Sarawood, passed away (at two different times). There's something about seeing that missed call, or an incoming call from someone you don't normally chat to on the phone to know that Someone Has Passed.

Anyway what was particularly shitty about the timing was that I was overcome with sadness and crying, and I still had to hustle M out of the house to pick E up. I was hoping nothing showed on my face because I didn't want to talk about it with my Mom friends. And if they saw anything, they didn't mention it. I probably looked tired as usual, since it wasn't like I had a lot of time to cry anyway before heading out (received news at 2:52pm, left house by 3:10pm).

The grief of losing an older person is very bittersweet and mixed. Unlike a younger person, older people have led long lives, and are usually sick or ailing by the time they pass. When they finally leave, it's a small blessing because you know that they are no long suffering in their mortal bodies. And my grandfather has been very vocal about how miserable he has been ever since his accident that left him partially paralysed and unable to walk in 2021. I was pregnant with M at the time and Covid was still a fearsome spectre. Since the accident, I managed to fly back to Singapore twice for several months with Jon and the girls, as we at least got to see him then.

In one memorable incident, we had come back late, and found ourselves locked out of the house. Usually the front door would be open, because their house also had a front gate. This time we were locked out however, and had no key. We stood outside trying to get Rosie, their domestic helper's, attention, but it seemed she went to sleep early that night. Then we slid the front glass doors open and tried to get E, who was maybe 3 at the time, to open the door. She was small enough to fit through the grilles, but too small to be brave enough to do it in a dark house. In the end we got into the car and drove to my parent's place to get a set of keys from them. 

When we got into the house, Yeh Yeh called out and scolded us, lol. He said he could hear the ruckus we were making, but couldn't do anything but lie there in his room. He said we were stupid and that there was always a set of extra house keys in the car (we didn't know). Also why didn't we take the keys? Lol. I hadn't been scolded by him like that in a long time, and I guess it was the last time he scolded me. Jon says that's his greatest memory of Yeh Yeh, because Yeh Yeh never really did many distinctive things anyway. He was always sort of just... there. 

As his grandchild, I never had to deal with the bullshit and trauma that came from his wife and children in their respective relationships with him. As not-a-big-troublemaker, I was also spared any ignoring or outbursts that his other grandchildren has to deal with. It goes without saying that out of the 4 grandkids, Ryan was his favourite, and I guess by sheer elimination that makes me the next favourite. In essence I am probably one of the family members that had the least complicated feelings about him, while still spending a substantial amount of time with him as a child. 

I am sad and will think of him.