Passing

Yeh Yeh passed away yesterday. 

I had spoken to my parents in the morning and they mentioned that he was unwell, and my Dad was going to bring him to the doctor's the next day. When at 2:47 and 2:48pm, (am, Singapore time) I saw two missed calls from my mother, I immediately knew what happened. Phone calls at unexpected times are also how I heard Suze and Artie, my old neighbours from Sarawood, passed away (at two different times). There's something about seeing that missed call, or an incoming call from someone you don't normally chat to on the phone to know that Someone Has Passed.

Anyway what was particularly shitty about the timing was that I was overcome with sadness and crying, and I still had to hustle M out of the house to pick E up. I was hoping nothing showed on my face because I didn't want to talk about it with my Mom friends. And if they saw anything, they didn't mention it. I probably looked tired as usual, since it wasn't like I had a lot of time to cry anyway before heading out (received news at 2:52pm, left house by 3:10pm).

The grief of losing an older person is very bittersweet and mixed. Unlike a younger person, older people have led long lives, and are usually sick or ailing by the time they pass. When they finally leave, it's a small blessing because you know that they are no long suffering in their mortal bodies. And my grandfather has been very vocal about how miserable he has been ever since his accident that left him partially paralysed and unable to walk in 2021. I was pregnant with M at the time and Covid was still a fearsome spectre. Since the accident, I managed to fly back to Singapore twice for several months with Jon and the girls, as we at least got to see him then.

In one memorable incident, we had come back late, and found ourselves locked out of the house. Usually the front door would be open, because their house also had a front gate. This time we were locked out however, and had no key. We stood outside trying to get Rosie, their domestic helper's, attention, but it seemed she went to sleep early that night. Then we slid the front glass doors open and tried to get E, who was maybe 3 at the time, to open the door. She was small enough to fit through the grilles, but too small to be brave enough to do it in a dark house. In the end we got into the car and drove to my parent's place to get a set of keys from them. 

When we got into the house, Yeh Yeh called out and scolded us, lol. He said he could hear the ruckus we were making, but couldn't do anything but lie there in his room. He said we were stupid and that there was always a set of extra house keys in the car (we didn't know). Also why didn't we take the keys? Lol. I hadn't been scolded by him like that in a long time, and I guess it was the last time he scolded me. Jon says that's his greatest memory of Yeh Yeh, because Yeh Yeh never really did many distinctive things anyway. He was always sort of just... there. 

As his grandchild, I never had to deal with the bullshit and trauma that came from his wife and children in their respective relationships with him. As not-a-big-troublemaker, I was also spared any ignoring or outbursts that his other grandchildren has to deal with. It goes without saying that out of the 4 grandkids, Ryan was his favourite, and I guess by sheer elimination that makes me the next favourite. In essence I am probably one of the family members that had the least complicated feelings about him, while still spending a substantial amount of time with him as a child. 

I am sad and will think of him.