I think the saying that 'God doesn't give you more than you can handle' is utter bullshit. Because time and time again, I find myself completely levelled and having to rebuild from scratch again. And each time it is so emotionally draining and painful. It is more than I can handle. And I'm so tired of everything again. Just as I think I can relax a little, everything becomes upended again and I find myself once against gasping for air, struggling against the surging waves.
What God does do however, is he gives me little outs. Each time they take different forms. And these outs are like little tiny floats amongst the violent seas. This time maybe it is the overwhelming support and company of friends and family. But it feels almost akin to jumping out of a plane without a parachute, and God only leaves little throw pillows scattered all over the ground to catch your fall. It is so terrifying, and feels so insufficient for the entirety of everything going on.
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