After I first had E, the song that kept playing in my head was You Can Call Me Al by Paul Simon. I was going through the throes of postpartum anxiety and depression without being aware of it, and something about the song just struck a chord in me. To me the song made me think of being a middle-aged adult, going through a midlife crisis, being dissatisfied and wondering wtf is going on with their life.
In contrast, the song that kept playing throughout my head during the labour and postpartum period of M, is Chop Suey! by System of a Down. The sheer anger, pain, and desperation in the song echo my current darkest emotions as I go through the whole rigmarole of postpartum whatsit yet again. At night when I can't sleep, because I need to take care of M (who is generally up every 1-2 hours), the biblical portion of the lyrics replay over and over in my head.
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Today my in-laws left STL. M is also 3 weeks old. Although my Mum is here, I can't help but feel anxious at the change. Thankfully I am mentally in a better place now than a week ago (which is when my in-laws were originally slated to leave), but I still have a long way to go before I feel comfortable in my own body again.
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