Find the Way

Today I bought 3 large blooming daisies from the florist outside Holborn station. As I walked and listening to my ipod, through my usual route of Hoborn-Bloomsbury Park-Bedford Way-Russell Square, an old song that I used to listen to in 2006 came on: Mika Nakashima's Find the Way. I started thinking about here I was, on the cusp of two-oh, walking in a foreign land carrying three bright blooms when it suddenly hit that as much as I thought I never got any better from 2006, I had. 4 Years ago I was suffering through the worst period of my life and I had survived.

I had gone on to a good school, I had made friends that I know will stay with me for life, I fell in and out of love, I developed mentally. I worked my ass off, I got results that were enough to bring me to my next desired stage in life. I fell in love for the first time with a boy, a boy who was probably the only person who ever really loved me for who I was, I experienced a new side of life with him and his friends. I came to London, I learned to carve a new life here out of nothingness. I relearnt the pain of loving someone to no avail. I learned lessons of the depths of human love for one another from the people who have cared and checked on me the past two weeks. And most importantly I learned that I have been wrong for 5 years, I have been wrongly angry at God.

I have changed, in the smallest minutest of ways. I have become more compassionate, more loving, more able to stand up for myself, more able to control hurtful emotions. I have learned how to be stronger, how to appreciate my life more and how to always keep on fighting for life even when there is no hope. I have become the person doing things now that I at 15, all upset and brokenhearted at the cruel twists in life, had wanted to become. And I know I still have some way to go to becoming that person in my mind who I greatly respect, but am now closer to being that young woman than I ever have been.

I am so sorry Lord for blaming you these past 5 years.