Friday, July 30, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Sailfish are disappointing
I was watching Life, with dear old Davie Attenborough, and today's episode was on Fish. Well I saw only 10 minutes of it, and I concluded that it shows very clearly that living creatures are stupid and henceforth we are all doomed.
The first disappointment was Sailfish. They have a long elongated nose-like area, a little like a swordfish. So there I was watching it and thinking 'holy shit, this is going to be cool', of course expecting them to turn into living harpoons and spear the hell out of the poor sardines, but no! Instead the lousy buggers just chased them about and used their noses like shovels/bats to push (I'd say smash, but they're too big of a disappointment to deserve that) the sardines out of the main shoal, and them pick them off one by one by biting them. How useless >:(
Then the next one was the flying fish. I thought they were quite cool until the last scene. It starts of with them flying about and them finding a floating palm leaf. Palm Leaves are like floating islands and good for laying eggs because they are stable - ok, fine. They start laying eggs en masse, with the females laying them first and then the males come in and fetilise them - weird, but still ok. So then you see scenes of males wriggling in and out of lots of yellow-ey gooe-ey eggs, presumably after fertilising them. But no! The last 10 seconds while David Attenborough drones on about how the palm leaf eventually gets too heavy with eggs and sinks down to the ocean floor, making it safer for the eggs, showed flying fish stuck in between the eggs as the leaf started to sink, AND THEY WEREN'T WRIGGING. Something like 20 males, their soul-less (fish don't have souls anyway, because only cats and dogs go to heaven) silvery eyes staring ahead, not moving. Some with heads plunged deep into masses of eggs with just tails sticking out. They got stuck and suffocated to death on their own damn eggs while trying to fertilise them.
I think I'm going to get nightmares tonight.
In other news, I went home early from work today because I am simultaneously period-crampy, gastric bloated-ey and flu-ey. i feel wretched.
The first disappointment was Sailfish. They have a long elongated nose-like area, a little like a swordfish. So there I was watching it and thinking 'holy shit, this is going to be cool', of course expecting them to turn into living harpoons and spear the hell out of the poor sardines, but no! Instead the lousy buggers just chased them about and used their noses like shovels/bats to push (I'd say smash, but they're too big of a disappointment to deserve that) the sardines out of the main shoal, and them pick them off one by one by biting them. How useless >:(
Then the next one was the flying fish. I thought they were quite cool until the last scene. It starts of with them flying about and them finding a floating palm leaf. Palm Leaves are like floating islands and good for laying eggs because they are stable - ok, fine. They start laying eggs en masse, with the females laying them first and then the males come in and fetilise them - weird, but still ok. So then you see scenes of males wriggling in and out of lots of yellow-ey gooe-ey eggs, presumably after fertilising them. But no! The last 10 seconds while David Attenborough drones on about how the palm leaf eventually gets too heavy with eggs and sinks down to the ocean floor, making it safer for the eggs, showed flying fish stuck in between the eggs as the leaf started to sink, AND THEY WEREN'T WRIGGING. Something like 20 males, their soul-less (fish don't have souls anyway, because only cats and dogs go to heaven) silvery eyes staring ahead, not moving. Some with heads plunged deep into masses of eggs with just tails sticking out. They got stuck and suffocated to death on their own damn eggs while trying to fertilise them.
I think I'm going to get nightmares tonight.
In other news, I went home early from work today because I am simultaneously period-crampy, gastric bloated-ey and flu-ey. i feel wretched.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Colchester
I want to go to Colchester before the year is over! I first found out about when we were heading to Amsterdam and were taking a train to Harwich for the ferry.
I've found out that National Express runs buses to Colchester, 2h 20min long affairs, but there is also the same train that I was in. The railway station however, is a 30 minute walk (google map estimate anyway) from the town centre - although you can take bus 8A into to town. The bus coach station however, is smack in the middle of town.
I've also found two nice B&Bs that look worthwhile, Pescara and Greenview House. Let's see if this trip materialises at all.
I've found out that National Express runs buses to Colchester, 2h 20min long affairs, but there is also the same train that I was in. The railway station however, is a 30 minute walk (google map estimate anyway) from the town centre - although you can take bus 8A into to town. The bus coach station however, is smack in the middle of town.
I've also found two nice B&Bs that look worthwhile, Pescara and Greenview House. Let's see if this trip materialises at all.
Don't Let the Sound of your own Wheels Drive you Crazy
Today there was a class outing in Holland Village (loved the location). It was good meeting up with everyone and seeing old faces. Upon half reflecting, I realised it was more than 2 years since we had left ACSI. That, is a long time to still keep bothering to keep in contact with everyone. Talking to Lex too I found out a few things :- (1) he still reads my blog (so hello if you see this) and (2) I've stopped looking for new music.
I remember a few years ago I was all bla bla bla music is my life - and thinking about it now it kind of still forms a very large part of it. I just stopped bothering to find new things, like I was happy with my lot like some old lady. At the same time, I started reviewing the music I already possessed, building up on old loves like Muse and The Arcade Fire. Currently though, the song and artists that power me through the (sometimes dreary) day are The Eagles, which has been sitting in my itunes for a few years - Take it Easy.
Music still keeps me sane. It is still very much an escape for me, but an escape to things which are certain and familiar. One of the things that stuck me about Patrick Bateman in American Psycho is that he dedicates almost whole chapters to new music he's listening to, reviewing the nuances and style. Sometimes, this occurs while he's using an axe to chase someone around a room. He plays his music on his walkman (hahaha, '80s old school), earphones tightly clasped over his ears, while kicking a bum to death. Music is my way, like his (I should probably stop comparing myself to Patrick Bateman), to disconnect both reality and the thoughts in my mind.
I keep thinking that the last trip I want to take with my parents before I get married, would be to drive down Route 66 (my dad's old dream) with my parents. It was my Dad that first put music into my life with his blues guitar work. Thank you Daddy.
I remember a few years ago I was all bla bla bla music is my life - and thinking about it now it kind of still forms a very large part of it. I just stopped bothering to find new things, like I was happy with my lot like some old lady. At the same time, I started reviewing the music I already possessed, building up on old loves like Muse and The Arcade Fire. Currently though, the song and artists that power me through the (sometimes dreary) day are The Eagles, which has been sitting in my itunes for a few years - Take it Easy.
Music still keeps me sane. It is still very much an escape for me, but an escape to things which are certain and familiar. One of the things that stuck me about Patrick Bateman in American Psycho is that he dedicates almost whole chapters to new music he's listening to, reviewing the nuances and style. Sometimes, this occurs while he's using an axe to chase someone around a room. He plays his music on his walkman (hahaha, '80s old school), earphones tightly clasped over his ears, while kicking a bum to death. Music is my way, like his (I should probably stop comparing myself to Patrick Bateman), to disconnect both reality and the thoughts in my mind.
I keep thinking that the last trip I want to take with my parents before I get married, would be to drive down Route 66 (my dad's old dream) with my parents. It was my Dad that first put music into my life with his blues guitar work. Thank you Daddy.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Someone really really fucked up parenting 101
This past month has been an introspective time, heralded in by the death of my aunt. While the actual death itself is sad, I wasn't close enough to Aunty Janet to burst out crying into tears randomly. Instead I thought of what it represented, the death of a parent, the death of a beloved spouse, and that made me sad. I thought about the concept of family, of myself and of my children yet unborn. I thought about the past and the future, I thought about my dad always saying "Baby don't cry" to me when I cry, from when I was a baby till now when I am 20.
Within the frame of this thinking however, is a family member from the other side of my family who came down to Singapore. And dear God if she hasn't seriously strained the entire family and me, to hell. Thinking so much about myself becoming a parent in the future, she makes me think (1) dear God if I have a child like this, I will kill her, then kill myself (2) I don't want to have children if there's even a 0.1% chance they'll end up like her and (3) I will never raise my kids that way.
She makes me realise, how lucky I am to have my parents who have given me the freedom and love to develop naturally - despite what she says about my parents being lousy and not loving me. Because for starters, I would never have thought of, or would even say such a thing. I am not always proud of who I am, but I am proud of my parents because they have made me who I am.
Within the frame of this thinking however, is a family member from the other side of my family who came down to Singapore. And dear God if she hasn't seriously strained the entire family and me, to hell. Thinking so much about myself becoming a parent in the future, she makes me think (1) dear God if I have a child like this, I will kill her, then kill myself (2) I don't want to have children if there's even a 0.1% chance they'll end up like her and (3) I will never raise my kids that way.
She makes me realise, how lucky I am to have my parents who have given me the freedom and love to develop naturally - despite what she says about my parents being lousy and not loving me. Because for starters, I would never have thought of, or would even say such a thing. I am not always proud of who I am, but I am proud of my parents because they have made me who I am.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Triple Nemeses in Life
I have triple nemeses in life, they are (1) Smokers with cigarettes, (2) Smelly toilets, particularly those my brother has been in and, (3) The TIBS bus 970.
(1) Today I walked past a smoker outside Braddell Station and didn't see him in time to hold my breath. I breathed in what must have been 1/3 a lungful of nasty cigarette smoke air. 3 hours later, I was left wondering if I was suffering from a creeping asthma attack or an anxiety one because I COULD NOT BREATHE. I spent the rest of the day vaguely coughing, feeling warm like I was getting a headache and walking about unsteadily because my cells were not getting enough oxygen. The only upside is I managed to leave work 30 minutes early and beat the crowd.
I sincerely hope when Jesus (or whatever deity you believe in) comes back to Earth, all the damn smokers get turned into the Smoker zombies from L4D and they explode into a mass of noxious gas when someone shoots them.
(2) My brother cannot aim. He pees all over the place. It smells bad. I live with this everyday and it gets to me everyday. He also pours away all my soap. I am going to lock the toilet one of these days. Today when I got back tired, and walked just to the top of the stairs, I got hit with a wall of extremely smelly dried pee. It is probably one of the worst smells on Earth.
(3) On Friday I waited 30 minutes for an extremely crowded 970. I was frothing at the mouth (and probably 100% hysterical in my mind) by the time the damn thing arrived. My hatred of 970 started when I started working in 2007 in the Central Business District because it's the only way to reach my house from either there directly, or through an MRT-bus transfer because my house is too far away from the MRT station to walk.
It's not just the same sometimes too that 970 is tardy, but no, it comes stuffed to it's white-and-orange brim with people. I've stood squished next to the bus doors before once, after waiting 30 minutes for it. That was in 2007. I've never forgotten that day because it was singularly the worst bus ride of my life. Even travelling 10 hours on a non airconditioned bus from Kathmandu to Pokhara in the 30 degree+ summer heat was better than that, scratching itchy skin from bed bugs, some unknown stingy bug that trailed infected holes all over my calves and random leeches was better than that.
Today however, just as the train was between Redhill and Queenstown station, I spotted my nemesis waiting at a traffic light! I was just about to get off at Queenstown, one stop earlier than my usual so I could be guaranteed a seat, when I saw it. This allowed me to decide to get off at Commonwealth and wait 2-3 minutes for the bus instead. I thought of the saying, "keep your friends close, and you enemies closer".
When I was on the bus however, I realised that if I had waited to the take the next MRT train, I would have missed the bus for another 30 minutes. And that, on a separate tangent, is how I get anxiety attacks. Perhaps I should change it to quadruple nemeses - the last one being myself.
(1) Today I walked past a smoker outside Braddell Station and didn't see him in time to hold my breath. I breathed in what must have been 1/3 a lungful of nasty cigarette smoke air. 3 hours later, I was left wondering if I was suffering from a creeping asthma attack or an anxiety one because I COULD NOT BREATHE. I spent the rest of the day vaguely coughing, feeling warm like I was getting a headache and walking about unsteadily because my cells were not getting enough oxygen. The only upside is I managed to leave work 30 minutes early and beat the crowd.
I sincerely hope when Jesus (or whatever deity you believe in) comes back to Earth, all the damn smokers get turned into the Smoker zombies from L4D and they explode into a mass of noxious gas when someone shoots them.
(2) My brother cannot aim. He pees all over the place. It smells bad. I live with this everyday and it gets to me everyday. He also pours away all my soap. I am going to lock the toilet one of these days. Today when I got back tired, and walked just to the top of the stairs, I got hit with a wall of extremely smelly dried pee. It is probably one of the worst smells on Earth.
(3) On Friday I waited 30 minutes for an extremely crowded 970. I was frothing at the mouth (and probably 100% hysterical in my mind) by the time the damn thing arrived. My hatred of 970 started when I started working in 2007 in the Central Business District because it's the only way to reach my house from either there directly, or through an MRT-bus transfer because my house is too far away from the MRT station to walk.
It's not just the same sometimes too that 970 is tardy, but no, it comes stuffed to it's white-and-orange brim with people. I've stood squished next to the bus doors before once, after waiting 30 minutes for it. That was in 2007. I've never forgotten that day because it was singularly the worst bus ride of my life. Even travelling 10 hours on a non airconditioned bus from Kathmandu to Pokhara in the 30 degree+ summer heat was better than that, scratching itchy skin from bed bugs, some unknown stingy bug that trailed infected holes all over my calves and random leeches was better than that.
Today however, just as the train was between Redhill and Queenstown station, I spotted my nemesis waiting at a traffic light! I was just about to get off at Queenstown, one stop earlier than my usual so I could be guaranteed a seat, when I saw it. This allowed me to decide to get off at Commonwealth and wait 2-3 minutes for the bus instead. I thought of the saying, "keep your friends close, and you enemies closer".
When I was on the bus however, I realised that if I had waited to the take the next MRT train, I would have missed the bus for another 30 minutes. And that, on a separate tangent, is how I get anxiety attacks. Perhaps I should change it to quadruple nemeses - the last one being myself.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Monkey Puzzle Tree
One day after my breakup (which was at 11pm, it really is less than 12 hours later) in January, I got out of bed and dragged myself to class. When the lights were switched off and one of my classmates was giving a presentation - I forget the topic but remember the classmate - I cried silently. I had dragged myself out of bed because I didn't want to miss class.
Now after getting my first year results, I decided to take a day off work to replace all those days I pushed myself, all for grades. In exchange for the uselessness of pushing myself then, I refuse to push myself to work today when I feel terrible. Pushing myself, it seems, has never brought me any net benefit.
Now after getting my first year results, I decided to take a day off work to replace all those days I pushed myself, all for grades. In exchange for the uselessness of pushing myself then, I refuse to push myself to work today when I feel terrible. Pushing myself, it seems, has never brought me any net benefit.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Flying Pancakes
So I've started a new job which is 9-6 (all those 9-5s we grew up hearing about are a lie), which drains me out and has the effect of rendering me almost completely antisocial. I come home, bum around for a short while, go to sleep, wake up, go to work, come home blablabla. To make my life seem even more useless, I spent at least 8 hours extra than my usual 8 hours sleep during the weekend napping.
Okay fine, I'm not that useless. I had a family dinner (Grandfather's birthday dinner on the 10th July), a brunch with Cheam and Hadi, a dinner with Steph, Ianthe, Jia Hui, Hui Ming and Samantha (and I bought two books the same night out: one very nice Guns, Germs and Steel), a lunch with Chen who came down to Singapore, a lunch with my Uncle and drinks after work with my new coworkers. Still work has the effect of making me feel very useless, like my life is passing me by and I could be doing more productive things likesay playing The Sims 3 and sleeping more.
I had to force myself to write this post. How sad is that? I really just feel like watching more Criminal Minds and hibernating from humanity.
Also, I HATE IE AND BING. I ALSO HATE MICROSOFT. I opened a document from Outlook today to edit, saved it, then spent 30 minutes getting upset looking for the file which was in some damn hidden file. It was the end of the day, I was tired, and I forgot how to look for hidden files (I did it once last week). In the end I conceded defeat, and crawled with my tail between my legs to go ask my boss who called Tech Support. Then came my next experience with remote support where my computer got controlled by some faceless person at the other end and I had to stop myself from thinking POLTERGEIST! She found the file, but I was still very upset at my wounded pride.
I then ate the massive strawberry that my colleague gave me as a reward for staying calm.
I also found this picture online, which made me laugh like crazy:
While waiting at the MRT station today to be picked up by my parents, I saw this pint sized skinny female. She looked like she was the same size I was when I was 10 or something, but she was wearing these 5 inch nude stilettos. I was looking at her and thinking whether paedophiles would be attracted to her (being tired makes me think odder thoughts) when she reached behind her skirt (mini) and unpicked her underwear wedgie. I started smirking like crazy, and burst out laughing after a while.
I need a life. Again.
Okay fine, I'm not that useless. I had a family dinner (Grandfather's birthday dinner on the 10th July), a brunch with Cheam and Hadi, a dinner with Steph, Ianthe, Jia Hui, Hui Ming and Samantha (and I bought two books the same night out: one very nice Guns, Germs and Steel), a lunch with Chen who came down to Singapore, a lunch with my Uncle and drinks after work with my new coworkers. Still work has the effect of making me feel very useless, like my life is passing me by and I could be doing more productive things likesay playing The Sims 3 and sleeping more.
I had to force myself to write this post. How sad is that? I really just feel like watching more Criminal Minds and hibernating from humanity.
Also, I HATE IE AND BING. I ALSO HATE MICROSOFT. I opened a document from Outlook today to edit, saved it, then spent 30 minutes getting upset looking for the file which was in some damn hidden file. It was the end of the day, I was tired, and I forgot how to look for hidden files (I did it once last week). In the end I conceded defeat, and crawled with my tail between my legs to go ask my boss who called Tech Support. Then came my next experience with remote support where my computer got controlled by some faceless person at the other end and I had to stop myself from thinking POLTERGEIST! She found the file, but I was still very upset at my wounded pride.
I then ate the massive strawberry that my colleague gave me as a reward for staying calm.
I also found this picture online, which made me laugh like crazy:
While waiting at the MRT station today to be picked up by my parents, I saw this pint sized skinny female. She looked like she was the same size I was when I was 10 or something, but she was wearing these 5 inch nude stilettos. I was looking at her and thinking whether paedophiles would be attracted to her (being tired makes me think odder thoughts) when she reached behind her skirt (mini) and unpicked her underwear wedgie. I started smirking like crazy, and burst out laughing after a while.
I need a life. Again.
Sunday, July 04, 2010
I have a headache
Today I went back to church, for the first time in a long time. It was weird, seeing how everyone has changed and how people still remember me. Then, I had lunch with my parents and my Guo Mah. She seemed much better than 2 weeks ago when I saw her at the funeral. After that we went to see my Uncle Joey to collect documents, and he started talking about how last night he dreamt of Aunty Janet and he got to hug her, and how lonely he felt now and how he missed her. He kept asking, "What now?" and talked about how every night they used to watch TV for hours, then sleep at 11pm.
I thought of John McGahern's The Barracks.
Saturday, July 03, 2010
July 2010
I was folding clothes today when I realised I could no longer differentiate between my fathers and my brothers clothing.
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