Today I had really yummy steamboat with Swan Yee, Alex, Christoph and Tom, a friend of Swan Yee's, at their place. It was OM NOM NOM and I really pigged out. Plus seeing as it's apparently -4 degrees Celsius now, it was a very apt meal to have. Perhaps I will demand one again, soonish.
After dinner we talked a bit about internships and the like again, and I began to feel very stressed. I still have no idea what I want to work in, but I know what I don't really want to work in. And what I don't really want to work in includes all direct financial services, which seems to constitue like 75% of all white collar jobs in the world (ok, I might be exaggerating this). This just makes me more stressed. I have my dreams, but they are pretty much unattainable as seeing I'm not a terribly good student, too cynical to buy into the 'let's do more extra curricular activities stuff to randomly bolster my CV' and too afraid to keep trying till I succeed. In short, I feel totally screwed as to the notion of my future occupation.
At this point of time, I am really crossing my fingers with the hope to doing a masters, so I can put off this whole thing for one more year. Failing that, I will probably end up returning to Singapore and either become a teacher, or doing the whole SMU Law Masters thing and become a lawyer... which I didn't really want to do in the first place and studied Government and History instead.
I feel so direction-less and not in control of my life, which just manifests in more all-round stress for me. This explains why at 2:23am in the morning, I have insomnia (again), am typing an entry and am contemplating studying a little, as I listen to the soft rhythmic snores of Christoph in the background.
Perhaps instead of playing the existentialist strains of The Arcade Fire's The Suburbs in my mind, I ought to play The Eagles' Take It Easy.
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