2023

I realised that I didn't really write down much during 2023 itself, probably because I spent most of it either feeling overwhelmed or in denial, in what was one of the most stressful years I've ever experienced. Any time of introspection was right at night before trying to falling asleep, which then of course resulted in a delay in falling asleep, and so it goes. Last year was also an interesting year in that both sets of grandparents were very present and heavily involved, and without their support and help, I don't know how Jon and I could have made it through.

For the first few months of the year, Jon's parents were around. They came before Christmas 2022, and stayed all the way into Feb. We celebrated M's first birthday together. That birthday was memorable in the the grandparents wanted to spoil M, and so I ended up having to drive a car with a trunk/backseat full of balloons, and couldn't look out the rear view mirror at all for the entire trip from the Party City in Olivette back home. Shortly after they left was when Jon and I receieved the news from SGH/NNI, and started looking towards other opportunities in the Northeast, to be closer to them.

In March we saw my in-laws again when we went on a weeklong trip to Miami to visit Jon's brother. We stayed in an airbnb together with them in Coral Gables, and that was nice. Somewhere during this time Jon was juggling a few options/offers, and we ended up choosing NJ together (other options: Long Island, White Plains, Boston). Then at the end of April, Jon had a conference in Boston, and so we all flew to New York together. While Jon went off to Boston, I stayed in Long Island with the girls at my in-law's place for a week.

Late May, my mum arrived in St Louis. She celebrated E's birthday with us, and was with us as we tried to get the house declutted, semi-packed, and presentable for sale in August. Together with our agent Sharla and her crack team of assistants, it was still an uphill ordeal and my God soso stressful. Then we all flew to NJ together to scout for houses for our upcoming cross-country move. With the help of Maura, an acquaintance from my Spanish lesson days at Teacher's College, we manage to find a few suitable places in Bergen County and successfully put a bid in for a fixer upper. 

In early Sept my Mum flew off to meet my Dad in Portugal, and in late Sept my Dad arrived, after making a stop-over to see my Aunt in D.C. I spent Oct packing slowly and inefficently, and trying to enjoy the last month in St Louis, making time for friends. Halloween was Jon's last day of work (and my goodness that day was exceptionally bone-chillingly cold in STL). Finally 5 Nov we had cleared the house, and the PODs were picked up, and we set off on a road trip towards NJ.  Our itenerary was STL-Indianapolis-Akron (Cleveland)-Mt Joy (Lancaster)-NJ, and we spent 7 days on the road.

We arrived in NJ to find the house in an utter mess, and uninhabitable. A combination of delays and miscommunication meant the renovation on the house was still at a very early stage. We ended up having to change plans and spent some days at Jon's parents in LI, then heading back to NJ optimistically for 2 nights at a hotel, and finally heading back to LI for Thanksgiving. Jon and my Dad then went to NJ to try and fix up the house, and so my Dad ended up spending his 60th birthday with Jon alone, and then had to fly off for Singapore without being able to say goodbye in person. I was in quite a stressed out funk then, so thank goodness at least for the safe space of my in-law's place.

Finally, 4 Dec, I moved with the girls back into the house. We went grocery shopping, we came home to find the new fridge has died. Besides that the house was still a mess (dust + dirt + where-the-hell-is-everything-and-anything?), the girls were finding dangerous things lying around like hardware, and the bedsheets were missing. That night, I almost had a meltdown from all the stress and worry. How were we going to live in a place like this with two young girls? I think I didn't cry because I was too tired. Day by day however, things got better, starting with Ramiro and Collette, our contractors bring a new fridge to the house the next morning in the pouring rain. 

We stayed in that house for a grand total of a WEEK before flying to Singapore (needless to say I am still very unsettled and don't think of it as home). At least we managed to familiarize ourselves a little with the area. The flight to SG via SFO was also stressful because our flight leaving Newark was delayed by 1 hour+, and we had to run off the plane for our connecting flight. Then we discovered on the long-ass SFO leg that M has meltdowns and throws tantrums when she is bored, which of course she is because it's a long-ass flight. God, thinking of the flight back now is filling me with dread...

Anyway that brings us to my stint now in SG, after being away for about a year and a half. This time staying in Mama's place felt less foreign, maybe because now I'm used to staying there when Jon is around, so that helped with adapting back slowly. My Mum also bought black out curtains this time, which is really one of the best improvements ever because the bedroom in Mama's house has basically floor-to-ceiling windows, and so the heat and the light blast you right in the face as you try to rest. 

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In summary, 2023 was not a fun year at all. Even thinking about it now makes me fell tense all over again. I am also not looking forward to going back to NJ, and trying to start a new life there, because the unknown and I have never been good friends.