The first day of the rest of my life

Today after sending my parents off at Russell Square Station (circa 8:30am), I waved goodbye and watched them disappear behind a corner. Before turning to leave, I gave a weak smile to the tube station attendants who stood behind the barrier - sympathetic bystanders to my sadness at my parents departure. I heard one of them half shout "It'll be okay! You'll be fine!" as I walked off. I stood outside the tube station for a moment amidst the people rushing about (London always has people rushing about) and closed my eyes. I felt the cool windy air on my cheeks, drying up the little tears that were trying to escape from my closed eye lids. I took a deep breath and walked off, turning down to Russell Square.

A song kept playing in my head as I cut through Russell Square, so I took out my ipod and headed to a bench facing the main statue in the square to rest and collect my thoughts for a moment. Of course it being my luck, my ipod was out of juice. So no song. (I can't even pretend like my life is a movie because things like that happen to me. And well, if it was a movie that would have either been the ending, or a beginning - I still can't decide which was more apt.) I ended up looping about the statue and completely ignoring the bench, heading straight for my hall.

As I walked into the hall, I bumped into my roommate, Zoe, who was about to head out to get some semblance of breakfast. Instead I ended up going back to the room with her and giving her a museli bar instead. I then managed to set up the internet connection on my computer, mucked about a bit, unpacked completely, pushed half filled suitcases on top of the wardrobe (I really brought too much stuff! ): )

Around 9:45 am, Zoe and I left the room to walk to LSE for registration. We ended up bumping into some people she met before, from Passfield Hall, in the reception area. We ended up walking with some of the guys there to LSE. At LSE itself, the queue for registration was a nightmare. It was literally 'pai chang loong', and registration didn't even open up till 10:00am! In the queue itself, we also met other random people and started conversations. It really seems like everyone is on extra friendly mode now (thank goodness). We managed to leave the mess at about 11:30 am I think.

A few of us went to the quad (I think) to have lunch. The floor was damn sticky. It was like electrical tape lined the entire floor. As you stepped, you could feel yourself being glued to the floor, and rubber shoes like mine went SHICK SHICK SHICK. As you can tell by now, all you raging alcoholics, there was apparently an awesome party there last night and the quad people hadn't had time to clean up yet. The floor was a thick layer of spilled alcohol. Yay?

After that the four of us went to the Fresher's Fayre. It was a nightmare of crowd and heat. Too many goddamn people. We ended up getting separated, so Zoe and I stuck together. I ended up joining random clubs like the Hummus society (some sort of random social club that likes middle eastern food), Debate (didn't really want to, but the booth guy talked me into it. Must go to learn how he did it.), Afghanistan Development (apparently a middle eastern affairs group), Photography, Literature, Amnesty International and MMA (finally!). I kept looking for the group in the Student Union handbook called Post-Insane, but failed to find them after a 30 minute (CROWDED!!!) wild goose chase. Fail.

We left the Fayre and went to meet the 2 guys we got separated from for a few minutes before Zoe and I went to the Bank Fair briefly (her to set up and account and me to chase Barclays for my damn account). Then we walked over to Covent Garden and I bought some cheap (relatively) foldable shoe boxes from Muji. I fixed one just now to put my food and they are a pain to assemble -___- but I think I got the trick. Then we walked to Goodge and bought food from the Sainsburys there and backtracked to Argos to buy Cutlery (which is damn cheap compared to all the other places I've seen, don't get ripped off by the others fellow new UK-ers!). Then we walked back, cutting through Bloomsbury and past the British Museum and SOAS.

At 6:30pm we headed down for dinner (the interim of which I was sniffling away and feeling sad) and it was a sad lamb dish. At least the potatoes were nice. Even the veggies were sad. The broccoli turned a strange shade of grey-green and the peas were a vivid too green that they looked fake and dyed green. Sad sad sad. However the dinner partners weren't. I met a guy who turns out to be doing the same course as me. After he left this post grad came and sat in his seat, and we ended up laughing and giggling away so much during dinner about random things like unis, drunk people and weed. We both laughed so much that I think we got really high. After that I felt a bit sick, like someone sucked the air out of me, and my throat felt mucked up.

At 8:30pm, Zoe and I went to join a group of people, who for some odd reason all turned out to be South-East Asians that came from not very Chinese/South Asian ethnicity backgrounds. Basically what I mean is not the kind that you typically associate as being sticky to Chinese only. It just turned into a large coincidence. We walked down past Russell Square to a pub under Royal National Hotel (quite bad rooms, but cheap) and I had a pint of cider. The group split into 2 because of table arrangements, which was just as well since I prefer being in a small group as talking is easier. Then at 10:30pm, we left for the 5 minute slow walk back to the dorm.

And thus ends the first daye.

I read a quote somewhere that said something like "leaving is like dying", but I can't find it online anywhere

It has been approximately 17 days since I have left Singapore and 9 hours since I've last seen my parents. I already miss home and my parents. I missed my parents even when they were with me for the past few days, when we went to Portobello market, when we argued about the price of beddings/hairdryers and even when we were annoyed at each other because of our idiosyncrasies.

For the past few weeks since I've been in the UK, I've been traveling about from South England (Eastborne, Brighton, Bath) to South Wales (Abergavenny, Carmathen, Pembroke) and back to South England (Ross-on-Wye, Lea, Tewkesbury, Stratford-upon-Avon).

I've also explored almost every bit of central London. I feel like I have been here forever. I feel like I have a GPS built in my brain of central London. But somehow every street I walk down, every route I take, makes me think of my parents (especially my dad) because they are the ones that originally showed me the way.

When I walked today with my roomate, Zoe, from Covent Garden to Oxford Street, I felt sad. When we heeded down Goodge and Tottenham Court, I felt even more pangs. The worst was when we headed down Gordon Square Gardens and I remembered how just yesterday we sat there eating cheap sandwiches and my dad was so pleased with these chocolate puddings he got from Marks and Spencers at 4 for a pound (which were really yummy).

In short, I miss my parents a lot. At the core of this is the fact that I'm afraid because I've never been really good with being alone and that I'm afraid to grow up. I've thought these past few days how I wish I was a little girl again (or at least younger) and could stay happy with my parents all day in Singapore with my friends (who I also miss, but not enough to cry over apparently). The world outside is scary, and as a student of history and an avid reader of current affair magazines, boy do I know this.

I need love and lots of security, none of which are quite present here, but I guess I just have to suck it up and make do - and wait patiently for December.

London Calling (I really ought to listen to this song)

Partly copied from a message to Daryl because I am lazy:

"1) It's important to get a windbreaker for here because its very windy. Without the wind its not too cold. Mine was some Black Diamond thing I got real cheap from the New Jersey Costco. Try Queenstown.

2) There is Milo and Datu Puti (remember the Pinoy vinegar?) here. I even saw a guy selling Rendang and Nasi Lemak, like a REAL malay dude.

3) Immigration: have your documents ready on hand. There is a special queue that moves at a snails pace for first time students. Look for it (though spotting it shouldn't be too hard). When I came the est time was 3 hours+ to clear the queue. I think this is largely dependent on when your flight comes in though, because I came in at 7pm here. If you take the 12 midnight flight on SQ, you come it at about 7am when the airport first opens. I'm thinking that this means the queue to clear immigration will be substantially shorter.

4) Spend at least half a day at the Tower of London. Also wait for the guided Yeoman tour at the side entrance because it is worth sticking about with a mass of humanity. The yeoman guides are quite amusing and dodgy. I'm sure you'll get a huge kick out of it."

A few points to add on:-

5) I watched 5 movies on the flight here. Death Note (I kept lol-ing), 300 (Finally!), City Island (Loved it! Highly recommended for everyone taking SQ), Flirting Scholar (Early Stephen Chow, also highly amusing, making me giggle often) and a dodgy HK movie called Alls Well Ends Well (which I didn't really like. Some mash up of Alls Well Ends Well and Taming of the Shrew).

6) I watched 2 episodes of How I Met Your Mother for the first time. I think I might start watching the series for real. I like Barney's character.

7) Hadi, Cheam, Paul, Yihang, Ying Hao, Steph and Ianthe came to send me off. Thank you guys! I really appreciated it. Especially Hadi who had to rush to his hotsexmeeting next.

8) Immigration wasn't that bad for me in actuality. Thus begins my long grandmother story. I had earlier booked a cab for an airport pick up for 8pm without expecting the nightmare of immigration. As the queue was going to take about 3 hours+, we were frantically calling the company to either cancel the cab or to ask them to waive the waiting charges. Finally after about an hour, my parents decided to go off and take the cab themselves first, dump my stuff at the hotel and then my dad would take a train back to Heathrow to pick me up after I clear immigration. Thus they left me and went to the All Passports line. About 30 minutes later my dad came and pulled me out of the line to their own immigration officer. Apparently my mother had told the guy our dilemma and he decided to help us by passing me through. This turned out to be highly fortuitous because awaiting at the Student Immigration line was a nightmare of stern no-smiling-grilling with lots-of-document-pulling for at least 15 minutes per student. Best part? Our immigration officer looked like a real nasty fellow too, and we kept thanking him but he gruffly ignored us. He is awesome personified.

9) LSE is really really small. You can walk from one end to the other in about 7 minutes. I guess this beats sprawling campuses where you need to run from one end to the other to make classes.

10) I found the most awesome place to stay next year, but it's 213 pounds a week. Oh dear God. This makes me feel very sad. I really really need to get a job.

This is all I can think about really. For now.

Somewhere only we know

The hardest reason to ever have to accept a cessation of ties is that of circumstance.

I wish I had a dog

According to howmanyofme.com, there are 3 people in the entire USA that have the same name as me. This is sad. I obviously need a better name. Not to mention the fact that there are tons of Melodies in Singapore for some odd reason. Maybe its better that I am leaving Singapore, before I run into someone else with the same first and last name as me.

24 hours to go, uh oh.

Yesterday I went to The Animal Resort with my kid cousin and his parents. I think I killed one of the goats, because when I tried to feed it the remnants of the hay from the plastic bag, it grabbed the entire plastic bag from me and ran away. Then it started chewing the plastic bag. I ran away because people started to gather around watching the goat chew the plastic bag. When I came back the plastic bag was no where to be seen, a reasonable explanation then follows that it can't be seen because it had already entered the digestive system of the goat. Oh dear.

We went to Sloan Court for dinner, the Oxtail Stew was very good.

I saw Ianthe's dog, Missy, today

The more I think about it, the more I come to realise that the act of packing things is an act that goes against human nature. There is something to having to shove your entire life into a few boxes (or in my case piece of luggage) that makes you feel a bit empty inside. Something that makes you think Is this all my 19 years on Earth has really amounted to? while realising that you're woefully short of underwear and had never noticed so before.

Yesterday when I met with the Alchemist and Daryl, the Alchemist talked about how he had to clean up his parents home and how they were pack rats and had squirreled away lots of odds and ends. I think I am like that. I have tons and tons of odd things around, especially IB stuff. I obviously am not going to bring them with me to the UK, on one hand can't bear to throw it away, and finally on the other hand don't want to come back to a room where they have been thrown away. But I know this will happen, not that their being around has any sort of use whatsoever to me. I prefer to just let them lie, it gives me the feeling of my room being my room.

I can't even begin to imagine what my life in the next month will be like, the imaginary 9th October 2009. Looks like only time will tell.

I won't go home with you

I feel winded. I've not talked so much and laughed so much in a day for ages. First after rushing out at 10:25 am, I met The Alchemist and Daryl at the Holland Village Starbucks. Then after The Alchemist left around 11:40+, Daryl and I headed to Orchard where I went to pick up stuff from the Derma. We then wandered over to Lucky Plaza and had Nasi Ayam Penyet and vaguely explored the area. We ended up drifting all over Orchard Road and he left me at 6:15 pm. I then went over to McCafe at Shaw to wait for Hadi, Cheam and SL Tan to appear.

McCafe is really weird. It was nice and empty when I was there, but after a while more and more people started coming. I think people were taking photos nearby because there'd be flashes of bright light occasionally which was quite irritating. The guy at the table on the upper deck next to mine however, took great offence to these flashes of light and started half shouting/ranting loudly about people shining flashlights and how irritating they were. Problem was he was by himself, so he was effectively shouting only for himself to hear. I looked at him for a while, then hid back in my book.

Met Cheam, Hadi and SL Tan at the 3rd floor of Isetan, and we headed to The Ship, followed by TCC. Going home was dodgy though because the nearest and best Taxi Stand was at Orchard Towers. It was interesting walking past them as they eyed Cheam and me, and there were lots of ang mohs around my goodness. At the Taxi Stand it occurred to me I was the only non prostitute in the queue, and from behind some ang moh guy was giving me the once over look. Wtf. I must've been the most conservatively dressed female there. I was glad Cheam was about though. This happened when we got into the taxi:

Me: Uncle, two stops. One along -, one along -
Uncle: Huh?
Silence.
Me: Uh we're not going home with each other.
Awkward silence.
Cheam and Me: UH. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.

The taxi ride back was quite interesting. The Uncle was telling us stories about the prostitutes he ferries and Cheam and I were talking about related subjects to him. Good cab ride.

Apostles of Hustle

Things done today:

1) Meningitis C jab;
2) Lunch with Wesley at Iggy's;
3) Haircut at Yihang's place;
4) Topped up Ez-link;
5) Dentist appt that cost $120 wtf;
6) Dinner with YH at Chiharu;
7) Short 10 min jog because I have not exercised since I left USA.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt

I've just finished reading a book that compelled me to stay up till 3am reading and made me shrink in fear with the unfolding events. It is strongly reminiscent to me of Marisha Pessl's Calamity Physics, I would daresay she borrowed large plot elements from The Secret History.

In other news this means I have nothing left to distract me from the headache that is packing.

And they could float above the grass

It feels weird thinking I have slighty over a week left before I leave Singapore. I can't even begin to imagine what it'll be like living in another country. The thought fills me with a utter terror, the thought of there being so much unknown. Yet at the same time I find this terror reassuring, that I am able to feel it and fall into it and lose myself in an entirely new city.

I am terrified, but made alive from the feeling.

-----

These past few weekends have been entirely filled with meetings. I've been trying to jam pack my schedule with people I want to see and things I want to do before I leave. On Tuesday I went with my dad to the Ministry of Manpower to pick up something. After I sat down in their nice seats, I took out David Golder and saw a red thing flash past my eyes and fly off. At first I ignored then, then I started searching my bad and realised my bandage tape was missing -_- Problem with the MOM is that they had nice individual seats with spaces underneath them, so the tape could have flown anywhere. I started searching by frantically moving the chairs about and eventually a few of the staff came to help me. Talk about being really embarrassing. In the end one of the girls spotted the tape underneath a chair I lifted, so I managed to leave the MOM with my tape and without my dignity.

After that we went to Vivocity because it was raining heavily. We had lunch then walked about a bit and went to Haw Par Villa to take pictures. It was still raining a little and there was hardly anyone about. The ten levels of hell exhibit was every bit as freaky as I remember it being. I ended up snapping only a few things. I think I got more mosquito bites than pictures. After that we went to Reflections at Bukit Chandu for a short while as they place closed at 5 p.m and ended up having Teh Tarik at Farrer Road Hawker Centre.

Today I met Mong at Raffles Hotel and we went to eat Hock Lam Beef Noodles. Om nom nom. $6.00, beef slices only, no tau gay, dry and guo tiao. I'll really miss beef noodles, urgh. Then we went to Bras Bersah where I bought stationary and we wandered about Raffles City. I bought chocolates to thank the neighbours because earlier today my brother threw a bottle of wine over into their garden -_- (this was after already setting the toaster oven on fire just an hour ago). Then Mong and I went to play l4d at Selegie. It was my first time playing, I could feel my heart rate going through the roof -______- After about an hour of playing we went to The Cathay and had the XO fried chicken thing while watching 2 girls pole dancing in Jitterbug. So dodgy. Then we had the most awesome Teh Ping and headed for home.

I still feel my heart suffering from adrenaline overdose.