Lunar Sea

Yet another week has passed and the exams have begun, and I am left to wonder how the hell I spent a week doing nothing really remarkable (that comes to mind instantly), more out of a vague idea that I'm letting my life slip by than any notions of ohmahgawd-I-need-more-time-to-study. I am so sick of this exams, I feel like slitting my throat. Morbid notions aside, I shall attempt a brief recall:-

Sunday
Had lunch with Dexter at gbk, a very nice fat juicy burger with pesto. Went to Joy and bought a very cute birthday card and went shopping in New Look for an hour. Went over and had dinner with Christoph. (Damn was this just last week? It feels months ago).

Monday & Tuesday
I cannot recall anything at all. I went to the gym on either one of these days, and had a splitting headahe that incapacitated me the rest of the day (I think Tuesday). Probably finished reading one of my books this day, and watched Gundam Seed. I also briefly recall going to Tesco in E&C to cook Chicken Breasts stuffed with Pesto and wandering into the 99p Shop to buy chocolate. Had another headache afterwards, that made me feel really sick. Watched an episode of Criminal Minds I think, Probably nothing exciting happened, since I barely remember the existence of these two days and really had to struggle to remember anything at all.

Wednesday
Did work until about 2pm, then I headed to Oxford Circus for shopping. Gawd, Oxford Circus was insanely crowded. Bought shit, especially two pairs of sandals for New Look which I was particularly excited about (hah my intellect is so regressing this round of exams). Took the 453, which was excruciatingly long and crowded from Oxford Circus all the way to Rodney Place and dumped my stuff before heading to Lidl with Christoph. Watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Thursday
Did not do anything distinctive, except counsel 3 people which really frustrated me. Was also hungry from a really bad Passfield dinner, so I got Zoe to buy me a kebab since she was out attending a concert. Kebab was good kebab.

Friday
Went to the NHS, missed my appointment, waited 30 minutes more while fearing being late for my meeting with Jia. The lady doctor (who was kind of cool), refused meanwhile, to prescribe me anything for anxiety and I had to beg for sleeping pills and stronger painkillers for my everyday-hours-long-headaches.

Ran to the tube, took it to South Kensington to find that Jia was not there (was 30 minutes late anyway) and that she was sick with food poisoning. I went in to V&A and attempted to see the exhibit, but no! All tickets sold out for today. This was the last straw after feeling really stressed out and frustrated from yesterday, a wasted trip, no exhibit, no friend, and a 30 minute tube ride - so I started freaking out in front of some random Islamic pottery from the 17th century. It was not pretty.

I took the tube to Goodge and had tea with Jia + a trip to Oxfam after. I calmed down, and walked back eating apricots. I got whistled at by some construction workers who also wanted some apricots, thinking they were crisps. I laughed and heard a confused "but they're orange aye?" trailing as I walked off.

Then I came back to Passfield, talking to Nadia about EH101 during which I started panicking again with her telling me to slow down because I was talking too fast for her to understand. I came back to my room, and freaked out again, this time to Zoe. I calmed down after freaking out twice in one day and managed to do my work.

Around the evening I went to Euston to get my prescription filled. They were out of my painkillers, so they gave me a receipt to collect it when they came in. I obtained a less strong dosage to tide me over temporarily.

I did work, met Christoph, then spent 1 hour debating some silly EH101 macroeconomic problem (nice Gold Standard rules of the game) with him. Gave up, then emailed the two lecturers in charge. Took my sleeping pills.

Oh, I also did my laundry somehow amidst all of this mess.

Saturday
Had dinner with Zoe at ICCO, went to Tesco Metro and bought Raspberry and Apple Juice for 90p.

Sunday
Went to Euston to buy Subway for Michele and me, and encountered some odd protest by teenagers in Hoodies about being discriminated against. Wandered into Boots, bought a nail buffer and wandered into WHS Smith and bought a token trashy female magazine and a Sudoku book.

Buffed my fingernails and toenails, painted them, watched two episodes of criminal minds and completed two sudoku puzzles. Spent like 20 minutes scanning in Nadia's EH101 notes, about 2 hours max editing GV101 work, read a commentary on Plato, and spent the day zoned out and on some stoned plane of reality.

Shouted out the window at 2am at drunken louts screaming outside the window. I was about to sleep and reading the trashy magazine, when I heard them. They woke up Michele which really pissed me off, so I shouted "shut up assholes!" out the window. Then, I couldn't sleep for a bit because I needed to get rid of the adrenaline rush. I need to verbally abuse people more often.

Monday
Had lunch with Stephanie and went to Tesco to buy food. Did more readings on Plato, browsed through Nadia's EH101 stuff on ICT and Latin America. Handwashed red dress which turned the water completely red (thank goodness I handwashed it), and did one sudoku puzzle so far.

-----

Okay, I hope this headache goes away soon, I want to finish Latin America, hopefully before dinner.

Listen to that song again

Today for the first time in a few months I woke up depressed. I woke up thinking 1) The night is over?/I need to face the day again? and 2) I am alone. I lay in bed, unable to pull myself out while thinking that the last time this happened, I had just been freshly dumped and saw no hope in each day-to-day. This time, the thought of studying for exams (for I need to cover all of my GV101 stuff today) was enough to depress me completely. I am actually that depressed, never mind that I have come a long way from then (metaphorically).

I cannot conceive of an exam that renders me as depressed as a break up. All I can say is, fingers crossed and 5 more damn days to go. I don't think I have been so exhausted mentally and emotionally before.

I had ICCO with Zoe for dinner today

Not having to wake up to the spectre of looming Exams will be a relief. Friday, come quickly and painlessly as possible please. You have sucked enough of my life force and blood as it is.

Crappy day, go away

All I ate today has been an entire pack of dried apricots and a smoked salmon sandwich. Oh and a last remnant Ryvita crispbread. I hate today, lousy lousy when nothing went right, alongside the existing frustrating and unhappiness of yesterday.

On another note, most admirably, I found out today that the Oxfam near Goodge Tube/Charlotte Street sells unsold clothes from Urban Outfitters. I think this is very admirable, since I recall reading a few months ago how chain stores like H&M (which are lower down in the overall fashion pecking order than UO) trash their clothes rather than donate them to the needy or charity shops. I say, bravo UO - I am very impressed by their decision to donate clothes rather than destroy them out of some absurd imagined elitist notions.

American Psycho

Patrick Bateman: "I think my mask of sanity is about to slip."

Arrested Development is awesome.

"Fun and failure both start the same way".

Ah, when all else fails to left my mood, Arrested Development will.

Come on, get it over with

I am stressed out, with vague alternating bouts of stress caused depression. I think the only thing that keeps me sane and not regressing into a decomposing unwashed completely mental pile of shit is Christoph.

God, I cannot emphasise how much I loathe exams.

I am in love

with Twining's Green Tea with Pineapple and Grapefruit. Someone remind to buy like 3 boxes of this stuff before I head back to Singapore. Mmmmm.

Gawd I am so sick of exams and I have a massive urge to go shopping. I feel totally vapid and bimbotic now. Damn you end of Bretton Woods, damn you.

Sunny London

I have a massive urge to just put on a bikini and shorts and lie on the grass (with a towel of course) in Tavistock Square. The sun is really out in full force now.

The Great Gatsby

After years of saying I'd read it, I finally have and I am impressed - far more than I ever thought I would be.

I have finished editing my notes on Voting Rights, and am now left to do work on Economic History for the Apartheid.

I think I will go to Brunswick with Zoe to get a bite at the Saturday Food Market there. I am in the mood for some chocolate-y baked goods, om nom nom (and possibly a nice Argentina steak sandwich :x).

Today is the first day that I am wearing shorts. Last night I finally changed from my fluffy winter duvet into the thinner Passfield given one.

I am unable to sleep again

I have been cursed with sleeplessness again. I cannot wait for my damn melatonin to finally arrive.

While I was lying in bed and thinking, amidst the muck of things I had to do and worrying about completely unnecessary things, it occurred to me that since bringing Cheam to Portobello Market last week, this week had passed by extremely fast.

I thus started to probe and attempt to remember what happened:-

Saturday
Portobello Market with Cheam, met Denise and Mel there - ate shit loads of yummy food and had a lovely nutella and strawberry crepe. Met Cheam again for dinner and shared a whole chicken at Nando's. Went back to his place, watched Cool Runnings, fiddled about with Torchlight and watch some Family Guy.

Sunday
Mainly spent feeling stressed and revising. Insomnia started.

Monday
Exam day, ate lunch with Christoph and went back to revise Federalism. Got burnt out.

Tuesday
Went to doctor's for a check up, walked down to the National Gallery and bought cheap books from a book store that had a sex shop downstairs (wondered why there were so many males interested in Anne Bronte and Charles Dickens). Went to see Delaroche's Painting History exhibit and then met Christoph for tea/dinner.

Wednesday
Met Dexter at Waitrose to pass him a book I bought for him, bought salad things. Cooked chicken curry for dinner, watched Ali G in Da House. I cannot remember what I did from waking up to the late afternoon.

Thursday
Follow-up doctor's check up, bought KFC for lunch and went over some economic history stuff with Nadia. Came back to room half dead and started working on Voting Rights, watched the latest criminal minds episode which involved social networking sites.

Friday
Spent the day at Christoph's studying, went out to Tesco and bought food for lunch and dinner (pizza and stir fried noodles respectively). Came back, finished Post WW2 Economic Growth, and arranged to meet Dexter for lunch on Sunday. Awake and unable to sleep currently.

Saturday (hopefully)
Finish Apartheid for Economic History, go to the gym and have a nice dinner with Chen, Ching and the rest.

Baby go crazy break the rules

Completely inane and totally uncharacteristic of the music I usually listen to, I keep listening to The Ian Carey Project's Get Shaky. It just reminds me of how much I just long to break out of this whole conundrum of LSE exam-ness and pressure to study and succeed in equal measure.

Today while on the Northern Line and somewhere about Waterloo and Embankment station, I was filled with a sudden massive urge to just get off and run until I collapsed from being breathless.

But I didn't because I had a medical appointment to get to, and I was wearing heels. There is too much rationality and practicality in me to just let loose like that. How unfortunate.

I wish to be anywhere but here.

Fingers crossed baby

And somehow, I have survived my first exam :/ Hopefully I shall walk away with a 2:1 - I will be very stunned if I don't because I've been consistently scoring that for this subject and it is one of my stronger ones. I'm not even asking for a 1. Boo.

My fingers are still crossed for the rest even though they are 2 weeks away.

I shall reward myself by finally going to the National Galley's Delaroche exhibit. Yay.

Honey Bunny, this reminds me of you

I have had a very weird phrase stuck in my head the past few days that I keep forgetting to google, "Ving Rhames". Now after finally remembering to google it, I discover he's the big boss man in Pulp Fiction. I watched and read the wiki on Pulp Fiction a few weeks ago.

It always fascinated me how I have random words of which I cannot remember the source of bouncing about my head. The last time I remember something as weird as this happening is thinking of the word "Spiewak" constantly. At first I thought it was some sort of creature/machine from Star Wars and then I googled it to realise it was the brand of some super warm outdoors jacket I had been looking at weeks earlier.

This reminds me of a thing Cheam said today about how whenever he boards planes, he still listens to the safety procedures and reads the little safety brochure. This is because the mind often stores information subconsciously and as long as it is relatively fresh in the mind it is already committed to memory - ready to be drawn upon when it is needed as long as it is within a short duration of the reading.

My exams in LSE begin on Monday. I don't think I have ever been so simultaneously stressed and frustrated with my exams before - frustrated because I feel like all I do is never enough and there are still so many unknowns unlike when we were spoonfed in school. While I did do research on my own for Paper 3 History by reading John Fairbank, it is like a little drop in the very large ocean that studying for university entails. In that sense, it is far more stressful for me because there are so many unknowns.

However at the same time, I know I have done enough work for History to walk off with 2:1s. Reflecting on everything academic this school year and recognising my aim for a 1 will not come true, I think I will walk away this year at least knowing what to do and what not to do next year - and think of it as a step to getting my 1s next year.

So, all I can do now is sip my tea, look forward to getting this damn chore over with and to try again next year. No point stressing out myself anyway.

Now, if only I can maintain this calm and accepting frame of mind in 48 hours.

Studying for exams is like running on a hamster wheel

I currently feel like this:



I cannot wait for exams to be over

Hatton Gardens

Housing wise today was absolutely nutty.

First we were supposed to view a place at Marchmont Street, but 30 minutes to 4pm the agent rang me and told me that at the last minute, the tenant was unable to let us see the flat. Then 20 minutes to 4pm, another agent rang me regarding a property I inquired about on Herbrand Street and we arranged to meet there at 4:10pm.

We viewed the property (£475, bit on the small side, but good location) and then the agent told us that he was going to see another place at Hatton Gardens, £485 and asked us if we wanted to see it. With a bit of apprehension at the thought of a random place, we hopped into his car (he drove us there! Now that is a good agent) and saw the place. It was not mindblowing if you glanced at it, but really good considering the size of rooms, location and that heating bills were included. The 3 of us all liked it a lot, plus the three girls that stayed there were all from LSE and we managed to talk about the place and they were all 'It's really great/we stayed here for 2 years/It's 10 minutes walk to LSE'.

Then the next 3 people came to view the place and we were outside, all anxious that they might decide to take the place first - talking about how much we liked the place. Later as the agent started to leave (and drive us back to the first flat area) we saw the other clients and they turned out to be Rufus, Dexter and Jason -_____- we all laughed like crazy, because it was all so silly. It was then that we decided on the spot to sign the tenancy, which needed a holding deposit of a week's rent - flash forward to me dashing back to Passfield to transfer money into my current account from my savings because we could only draw £200 each time with each card.

So there it is, my new place at Hatton Gardens - jewellery shops below, a playground behind and big single rooms. I am really excited for next year, I shall buy a cheap carpet from Ikea and get random other things. Phwoahhhh :D

And the Polls are closed

I vote for the LibDems in my ward today, but realistically they stand no chance against Frank Dobson who pretty much owns the Holborn St. Pancreas constituency. I think my candidate was called Jo Shaw. I don't even remember. Either way I remember my excitement as I received my little ballot paper and made an X in a pencil. It was a bit anti-climatic because I expected a little more. Nonetheless I must say voting was quite a good/interesting experience. I would never have gotten to vote if I was in Singapore.

Now 15 minutes later as the polls are closed, I will sit by my laptop and keep refreshing to see the results come in. Anything but a Conservative win please! I am not looking forward to cuts in Education.

Aiyah

Can you see me drooling at the degrees, then crying at the fees? If only Nick Clegg wins and promises to severely reduce the price of MScs.

In another note, I badly need to start handwriting things again. Today during the mock essay, I realised I was getting a headache from a muscle in my hand crying out from being stretched. Fail la, I've been typing away too much!

I got stuck at the Battle of Trois Rivieres

I WANT TO CRY, I CAN'T CONCENTRATE STILL.

I'm going to unplug my lan cable soon.

I found an interesting website on the elections

I need to concentrate on my American Revolution notes instead of suddenly being distracted by the British General Elections 2010 -_____-

I think it's interesting that I am more Conservative than Labour though.

I just realised Nick Clegg is crazy, but I also hopes he wins

I am much better today, after snuggling in bed with an extreme large pseudo hot water bottle and watching Kung Fu Hustle. I also had Steamboat last night with Swan Yee and all at Falmouth Road yesterday, completely with yummy fish balls and slices of pork - om nom nom. And TOFU :D

I feel very sleepy suddenly, which is weird considering that I am also very stressed out today (thanks Tim Leunig and your EH101 Exam Skills lecture) because I have mock exams tomorrow for History and I need to do more work for it :/ More like I need to refresh and consolidate all in one night (thanks Tank flu for making me useless and jellyfish like all weekend) on the American Revolution because it is the only topic I have not written for an exam yet. Fingers crossed baby. I can pull an all nighter! Somehow! Because I am awesome!

As for Nick Clegg, I just looked closely at his education plan: "Scrap tuition fees for all first degree students". I'll vote fot him anyway, because messing with the British is the exact thing I'd love to do. Also! Lower pound to sgd rate from political instability will be awesome. I might be able to wriggle more pounds out of my parents.

If I google all my symptoms, I get articles about Swine Flu

I fell sick yesterday, but started feeling crappy on Friday night. I've never felt so wretched from a mere flu before in my life. Last night my body was aching so much that I couldn't sleep. Sucks.

I just had a Strepsils because my throat feels sore

I feel like a feverish soft centered (perhaps liquidy?) Chocolate bonbon now. Or perhaps a one of those soft capsules with liquid inside, like those amber clear soft pills with Vitamin E inside it. Either way I feel liquid inside, squishy, malleable, a viscous like liquid which fills out the hollow of my insides.

My cheeks are flushed, my thoughts random and rapid, my temper quick to flare and my heart ready to feel sad. Headaches keep increasing in frequency, and my stomach refuses to digest food properly. I feel feverish and cold at the same time.

I don't think I've ever gotten such a terrible PMS before.