Why the hell does every single person that writes about state formation in Europe in the Early Modern period write like a fucking dickhead?! These people would totally fail in advertising with their massively long run on lines and usage of words that takes even me, 2 seconds to process their intended meaning.
I believe that anything more than two commas in a line makes a sentence unnecessarily hard to process, and renders it needlessly hard to comprehend. You're not writing a steam of consciousness Mrs Dalloway or Ulysses, which is done to convey an atmosphere. You're writing an academic argument that needs readers to understand. USE FUCKING FULL STOPS DICKHEADS.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Grab your mother's keys we're leaving
Today I had really yummy steamboat with Swan Yee, Alex, Christoph and Tom, a friend of Swan Yee's, at their place. It was OM NOM NOM and I really pigged out. Plus seeing as it's apparently -4 degrees Celsius now, it was a very apt meal to have. Perhaps I will demand one again, soonish.
After dinner we talked a bit about internships and the like again, and I began to feel very stressed. I still have no idea what I want to work in, but I know what I don't really want to work in. And what I don't really want to work in includes all direct financial services, which seems to constitue like 75% of all white collar jobs in the world (ok, I might be exaggerating this). This just makes me more stressed. I have my dreams, but they are pretty much unattainable as seeing I'm not a terribly good student, too cynical to buy into the 'let's do more extra curricular activities stuff to randomly bolster my CV' and too afraid to keep trying till I succeed. In short, I feel totally screwed as to the notion of my future occupation.
At this point of time, I am really crossing my fingers with the hope to doing a masters, so I can put off this whole thing for one more year. Failing that, I will probably end up returning to Singapore and either become a teacher, or doing the whole SMU Law Masters thing and become a lawyer... which I didn't really want to do in the first place and studied Government and History instead.
I feel so direction-less and not in control of my life, which just manifests in more all-round stress for me. This explains why at 2:23am in the morning, I have insomnia (again), am typing an entry and am contemplating studying a little, as I listen to the soft rhythmic snores of Christoph in the background.
Perhaps instead of playing the existentialist strains of The Arcade Fire's The Suburbs in my mind, I ought to play The Eagles' Take It Easy.
After dinner we talked a bit about internships and the like again, and I began to feel very stressed. I still have no idea what I want to work in, but I know what I don't really want to work in. And what I don't really want to work in includes all direct financial services, which seems to constitue like 75% of all white collar jobs in the world (ok, I might be exaggerating this). This just makes me more stressed. I have my dreams, but they are pretty much unattainable as seeing I'm not a terribly good student, too cynical to buy into the 'let's do more extra curricular activities stuff to randomly bolster my CV' and too afraid to keep trying till I succeed. In short, I feel totally screwed as to the notion of my future occupation.
At this point of time, I am really crossing my fingers with the hope to doing a masters, so I can put off this whole thing for one more year. Failing that, I will probably end up returning to Singapore and either become a teacher, or doing the whole SMU Law Masters thing and become a lawyer... which I didn't really want to do in the first place and studied Government and History instead.
I feel so direction-less and not in control of my life, which just manifests in more all-round stress for me. This explains why at 2:23am in the morning, I have insomnia (again), am typing an entry and am contemplating studying a little, as I listen to the soft rhythmic snores of Christoph in the background.
Perhaps instead of playing the existentialist strains of The Arcade Fire's The Suburbs in my mind, I ought to play The Eagles' Take It Easy.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
H-h-headache
Today, thanks to an EXTREMELY AWKWARD DINNER with my parents friends from church, I had to eat duck after not eating it for 9 years of my life (ok fine I ate some foie gras in the past few years because I went to really posh places and paid a bomb for a smidgen of the stuff as some side dish, but that doesn't count!). I was eating the crispy duck and pretending it was some really weird chicken, as my stomach convulsed in pain from gastric caused by eating late, and fine the duck was actually pretty good.
I had a duck when I was 11. My family ate it in front of me when they got tired of feeding it. I stopped eating duck since then. Before that I loved duck porridge.
AR*BC&$&@)($M)cX$*()N@
Also, this is the first week since Week 3 that I've gone for all my classes and all my lectures.
I watched Harry Potter last night with Christoph. Awesomezzzz, because it was a Harry Potter movie. Not awesomezzzz because I disliked the cinematography and felt the editing wasn't good enough and some scenes were unnecessary, like the shot of the tent after either a very skeptical Ron or Harry asks Hermoine where the tent is (it's in her bag, something the camera decides to zoom on). I also began fantasising what Harry Potter would be like if they unleashed all the cult directors on them. Stanley Kubrick's Harry Potter (let's forget that he's dead), Quentin Tarantino - Harry Potter and THE HALLOWS OF DEATH, Woody Allen: Harry Potter the neurotic wizard who has a 'why me?' complex. Baz Luhramm's Hogwarts. I don't know I can't think any more rubbish. I have a headache.
I had a duck when I was 11. My family ate it in front of me when they got tired of feeding it. I stopped eating duck since then. Before that I loved duck porridge.
AR*BC&$&@)($M)cX$*()N@
Also, this is the first week since Week 3 that I've gone for all my classes and all my lectures.
I watched Harry Potter last night with Christoph. Awesomezzzz, because it was a Harry Potter movie. Not awesomezzzz because I disliked the cinematography and felt the editing wasn't good enough and some scenes were unnecessary, like the shot of the tent after either a very skeptical Ron or Harry asks Hermoine where the tent is (it's in her bag, something the camera decides to zoom on). I also began fantasising what Harry Potter would be like if they unleashed all the cult directors on them. Stanley Kubrick's Harry Potter (let's forget that he's dead), Quentin Tarantino - Harry Potter and THE HALLOWS OF DEATH, Woody Allen: Harry Potter the neurotic wizard who has a 'why me?' complex. Baz Luhramm's Hogwarts. I don't know I can't think any more rubbish. I have a headache.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Equation Time!
Lack of sleep + pending essay + long day ahead + not free tonight (watching Oliver, of all things) = feeling extremely strained and close to a panic attack
I think I've felt strained since week 5. It's week 8 now, 2 more weeks to go till term ends.
The thing that keeps me going is cooking, for Christoph. Never knew I was so domesticated before, but I actually derive a great sense of satisfaction from cooking and cleaning. Perhaps I don't need this BSc anymore :p
I think I've felt strained since week 5. It's week 8 now, 2 more weeks to go till term ends.
The thing that keeps me going is cooking, for Christoph. Never knew I was so domesticated before, but I actually derive a great sense of satisfaction from cooking and cleaning. Perhaps I don't need this BSc anymore :p
Monday, November 22, 2010
Bishop's Celeb Jibe
Why I love The Sun:
"A bishop has branded Wills and Kate "shallow celebrities" whose marriage will last just seven years.
Pete Broadbent, Church of England Bishop of Willesden, London, labelled the Royals "costly philanderers". He called Charles and Diana's wedding a "disaster between Big Ears and the Porcelain Doll." Nicholas Soames MP said: "He's so rude."
The Sun, 22/11/10
"A bishop has branded Wills and Kate "shallow celebrities" whose marriage will last just seven years.
Pete Broadbent, Church of England Bishop of Willesden, London, labelled the Royals "costly philanderers". He called Charles and Diana's wedding a "disaster between Big Ears and the Porcelain Doll." Nicholas Soames MP said: "He's so rude."
The Sun, 22/11/10
The Sun is only 20p
I actually feel fairly depressed today, from stress, from lack of sleep, and from disappointment. I bought The Sun as a remedy. The harder my work gets and the more life wears me down, the increasing frequency of The Sun I purchase. Well, that and other trashy female mags.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
But they're afraid to pay the cost, for what we've lost
Tonight on the tube back, for the first time in many months, I listened to Jason Mraz's Details in the Fabric. As I dashed out of Kong's house to get home my mind flittered between thoughts of the past, resisting the urge to shout down the phone to the person I was talking to, and the feeling knotting up in my stomach that Frangelico could not dissipate. All the nasty memories of the past, circa January 2010, rushed to my memory. I suddenly really wanted to be surrounded by my friends - Hadi came to mind especially - family, Christoph, anyone that I loved deeply because I felt that feeling of being back there and then again so acutely.
Even though it has been more than 10 months, I still feel that the pallor of that very painful relationship hanging about. Thinking about it now, I feel the fear surrounding the memories being as fresh as they were months ago. The fears are many pronged: that a break up like that could happen again, that I would have to spend months clawing my way up to normality again, and especially that I would allow my heart to be so readily and wilfully deceived once more. It makes you lose the trust that you have in yourself, that perhaps you might intrinsically know what's best for you. It makes you see yourself in a different way, because you have seen the depths of your sanity and soul.
I don't think (thankfully) that such things would happen to her tonight, or perhaps forever. But tonight in her pain, she reminds me (rather self absorbedly perhaps) of me.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
A triumph of selfishness and/or stupidity
Today I witnessed something very depressing. I was trying to get out of LSE before the whole mob of idiots came to do their Freeze the Fees march, but ended up witnessing it anyway when I stepped out of Sainsbury after buying some groceries. I find the whole Freeze the Fees campaign utterly depressing for a few reasons, namely that to me it seems like a triumph of selfishness and/or stupidity.
Here's some background: The Brits are running a substantial budget deficit, and are making cuts in every single sector possible. Sectors big in the news are housing benefit and defence. School fees jump because well, I am in school now and surrounded by affected parties. The big stink seems largely to result from the LibDem's promise of no school fee rises, something which they are now unable to deliver.
Briefly:-
- Heavily subsided student fees are, like housing benefit, a massive strain to the budget. Take into account that 40% of all UK people are uni educated, the most in the entire of Europe, that is a lot of cash
- The 40% is ALREADY too much for the UK market to handle. While skilled labour like plumbing suffers and my landlord complains of getting raped £500 for a few hours visit by the repairman (but he's a dirty complaining pussy anyway, so I take that figure with a pinch of salt), graduates are studying liberal arts in substandard universities and hence unable to find any jobs thereafter
- Additionally, I find a lot of BRITS especially do not treasure their education. Of all the classes, the people who attend lowest percentage wise, are the British people. Why? Because university is not for studying, it's for hardcore partying. Most of the people who have to redo a year do so not because they're soft in the head, but because they've been partying too much. University, as a good, is not treasured.
- Going to university is seen as a right, and so does subsided fees. They are not. Freeze the fees reeks massively of the whole ME ME ME entitlement psyche. Why? Because there is still access to the same student loans given by the government. The difference is that when these people have to work later, they will have to pay more. There is still access available to whoever chooses to take up the offer. I bet the American kids and THEIR student loans are wondering what all the fuss in the UK is about.
- A common argument is that if the fees rise, they will not be able to attend university, or will seriously reconsider it. GOOD I say, because that is darwinism at work. If you fail to see the value of an education, then you really ought to be doing something else. I pay £14,000 in school fees alone a YEAR. Why? Because I see the value and the merit of studying. It is a good I am willing to pay that much more for. I could have stayed at home where my university would have been subsidised (and only because my government is running a very very healthy budget surplus), but I chose to go to LSE. Why? Because it is worth the cost.
- Furthermore, the argument that the rich bankers should subsidise students should be looked at from the other side of the coin: a man supporting his family, working at the local chip shop for £6 an hour IS SUBSIDISING YOUR SCHOOL FEES AS WELL. Now tell me, is that fair?
-----
Ah just fucking grow a pair and stop shouting about something that was no one's fault (well perhaps you could blame Labour and their over generous welfare spending, the Iraq War...), and just SUCK UP like the family that can no longer claim housing benefit.
The worst part is as EDUCATED UNIVERSITY STUDENTS, you should have realised that this is a necessary evil that no government wants to undertake. Your country, in a matter of simple economics, CANNOT SUSTAIN THE SUBSIDIES ANYMORE. France just endured massive strikes and riots because of pension problems, Greece collapsed because they were giving out welfare benefits like candy. This is just nuts. Money doesn't grow on fucking trees you know.
Plus, at the end of the big student strike, came the enticement for students to go: a party in LSE. It's almost like any attempt to appear thoughtful and politically motivated was just a thin veneer for more partying and hooking up, reinforcing the utter disgust and contempt I feel for the whole Freeze the Fees movement.
Just fucking grow up people. You're not the only ones suffering from budget cuts.
Here's some background: The Brits are running a substantial budget deficit, and are making cuts in every single sector possible. Sectors big in the news are housing benefit and defence. School fees jump because well, I am in school now and surrounded by affected parties. The big stink seems largely to result from the LibDem's promise of no school fee rises, something which they are now unable to deliver.
Briefly:-
- Heavily subsided student fees are, like housing benefit, a massive strain to the budget. Take into account that 40% of all UK people are uni educated, the most in the entire of Europe, that is a lot of cash
- The 40% is ALREADY too much for the UK market to handle. While skilled labour like plumbing suffers and my landlord complains of getting raped £500 for a few hours visit by the repairman (but he's a dirty complaining pussy anyway, so I take that figure with a pinch of salt), graduates are studying liberal arts in substandard universities and hence unable to find any jobs thereafter
- Additionally, I find a lot of BRITS especially do not treasure their education. Of all the classes, the people who attend lowest percentage wise, are the British people. Why? Because university is not for studying, it's for hardcore partying. Most of the people who have to redo a year do so not because they're soft in the head, but because they've been partying too much. University, as a good, is not treasured.
- Going to university is seen as a right, and so does subsided fees. They are not. Freeze the fees reeks massively of the whole ME ME ME entitlement psyche. Why? Because there is still access to the same student loans given by the government. The difference is that when these people have to work later, they will have to pay more. There is still access available to whoever chooses to take up the offer. I bet the American kids and THEIR student loans are wondering what all the fuss in the UK is about.
- A common argument is that if the fees rise, they will not be able to attend university, or will seriously reconsider it. GOOD I say, because that is darwinism at work. If you fail to see the value of an education, then you really ought to be doing something else. I pay £14,000 in school fees alone a YEAR. Why? Because I see the value and the merit of studying. It is a good I am willing to pay that much more for. I could have stayed at home where my university would have been subsidised (and only because my government is running a very very healthy budget surplus), but I chose to go to LSE. Why? Because it is worth the cost.
- Furthermore, the argument that the rich bankers should subsidise students should be looked at from the other side of the coin: a man supporting his family, working at the local chip shop for £6 an hour IS SUBSIDISING YOUR SCHOOL FEES AS WELL. Now tell me, is that fair?
-----
Ah just fucking grow a pair and stop shouting about something that was no one's fault (well perhaps you could blame Labour and their over generous welfare spending, the Iraq War...), and just SUCK UP like the family that can no longer claim housing benefit.
The worst part is as EDUCATED UNIVERSITY STUDENTS, you should have realised that this is a necessary evil that no government wants to undertake. Your country, in a matter of simple economics, CANNOT SUSTAIN THE SUBSIDIES ANYMORE. France just endured massive strikes and riots because of pension problems, Greece collapsed because they were giving out welfare benefits like candy. This is just nuts. Money doesn't grow on fucking trees you know.
Plus, at the end of the big student strike, came the enticement for students to go: a party in LSE. It's almost like any attempt to appear thoughtful and politically motivated was just a thin veneer for more partying and hooking up, reinforcing the utter disgust and contempt I feel for the whole Freeze the Fees movement.
Just fucking grow up people. You're not the only ones suffering from budget cuts.
Monday, November 08, 2010
Russie
I just woke up from a very strange dream in which I made a Russian joke during a course in LSE, and the people listening all happened the be Russian. It was something like the Russian Society received the highest amount of funding of all the societies in LSE. I then joked that the Russian mafia must have come and beat it out of them in order to get the most funding. Then I became socially ostracised and they wanted to lynch me (never knew the Russians were so humourless), and I spent the rest of the dream trying to hide -____-
I think this is because I was reading D Lieven's Great Russia last night for school.
I think this is because I was reading D Lieven's Great Russia last night for school.
Sunday, November 07, 2010
Adulthood
So last night I went to celebrate a friend's birthday party. When we went there, she was super pissed off because another clique she invited wasn't coming (though that made me glad because as we all rational adults know, multiple cliques = awkward party, as it stood the clique already there just looked at us and went back to talking amongst each other). So, she starting furious drinking, because she was unhappy (ladies and gentlemen, we have a future AA member here...).
Then, she passed out at like 12-ish am. Of course by now I've had some drinks in my system, and been mixing alcohol too, so this is all insanely hilarious to me - no wait it still is - the awkwardness, the passed out host, the fact that Crystal Palace's football team is abbreviated to CRY when watching TV... and wanting to make sure Nigeria goes to the world cup one day to compete against Germany (Dexter came up with that one).
I had a shitty week, and 80% of my friends went clubbing at UCL's Spectra earlier in the week because they could. This Miss on the other hand, had a presentation at 9am the next day, and submitted an essay on the day itself. Then, I had one more essay due on Friday. Also, I was going for a Yann Tiersen concert the next night. I was, as a responsible adult, obliged to stay in and work/rest. So I did. This however, made me want to eat (potato chips), drink and be merry last night.
On Wednesday, I walked 45 minutes to get to Koko way up in Camden, from my place. Wednesday was also the day of the 3rd tube strikes, though I've only experienced 2 strikes since getting back to London. It was crazy, I started walking at 6:10pm, and I've never seen so much humanity out of the streets before. Usually everyone is funnelled underground into little metal tubes that are shot around London, but for those of us who were too poor to take a taxi (and the roads were all jammed anyway because people living out of town had to take cars in), unable to take a bus (they were all crammed into full capacity), or cycle (and the bike lanes were JAMMED, never seen that one before either), it was back to basics with good old walking. So I walked, 1.7 miles apparently, to Koko. I walked through my old dorm area, and up Eversholt Street towards Mornington Crescent, past the old transexual shop and the area where I got scared last year and turned back.
However, Yann Tiersen was definitely what I expected. From the melodic (ahahaha) strains of the soundtrack of Amelie, to Rue des Cascades - Yann Tiersen as far as I knew - always had a consistent sound. Not that night. He spent 10% of time on the violin (which was mindblowingly excellent) and 90% on the electric guitar. It sounded like a Rammstein version of a Ghostbusters soundtrack, with tripped out synth bits. I was disappointed. Jia was disappointed. Jia's friends were disappointed. The rest of the crowd? They started thinning out after realising what utter shit was being played. It was like listening to someone's mid-life crisis, where he decided to go back and attempt to be the rockstar of teenage dreams. Objectively, the music was OK, but for Yann Tiersen it was an utter disappointment. Plus we had to stand throughout since there were no seats at all in Koko. On the bus back, I heard the other concert goers complaining and calling him "awfully self indulgent".
So with the only high point in my week destroyed by someone's new musical edge, I was really looking forward to last night's party. So I drank, happily. First a little Martini Asti, then a sip of Martini Apple (ew!), Stella Artois and it wad out from Chai's place to wait 30 freaking minutes in the cold for 188 to come -__- Finally at Steph's, we open the cava we brought, and I help myself to a tequilla shot which was damn nasty, and two cups of melon schnapps and sprite. I was a very very happy girl.
Chai walked me back, and we stopped at Chicken Cottage for a bit. I came back, ate some chicken cottage, watched an episode of the Simpsons and then went to sleep. 6 am however, I woke up feeling a bit sick. All the alcohol had rushed to my brain when I lay down, and my stomach was now grotesquely bloated and I wondered if I should puke. After a state of semi-consciousness in which my mind was going SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP and my stomach going I FEEL WEIRD, I got up and walked to the toilet to contemplate what I should do next. Then I thought I'd linger over the toilet bowl, and see if retching came naturally. It did. I was bitter and it burned the fuck out of my throat. I puked multiple times within the next ten minutes, feeling like greek fire and hell fire were pouring out of my throat. All while I was puking, if I wasn't sick from the sheer physical pain, it was thinking 'Dear God I just cleaned this toilet bowl earlier in the day!!! Now it's dirty again!' and that upset me more than the fact that I was puking hellfire.
So with that I concluded I am getting to old before my time. I drank a cup of milo, nibbled on some almonds and went back to sleep. Amazingly, at 10am, I woke up naturally without a hangover.
Then, she passed out at like 12-ish am. Of course by now I've had some drinks in my system, and been mixing alcohol too, so this is all insanely hilarious to me - no wait it still is - the awkwardness, the passed out host, the fact that Crystal Palace's football team is abbreviated to CRY when watching TV... and wanting to make sure Nigeria goes to the world cup one day to compete against Germany (Dexter came up with that one).
I had a shitty week, and 80% of my friends went clubbing at UCL's Spectra earlier in the week because they could. This Miss on the other hand, had a presentation at 9am the next day, and submitted an essay on the day itself. Then, I had one more essay due on Friday. Also, I was going for a Yann Tiersen concert the next night. I was, as a responsible adult, obliged to stay in and work/rest. So I did. This however, made me want to eat (potato chips), drink and be merry last night.
On Wednesday, I walked 45 minutes to get to Koko way up in Camden, from my place. Wednesday was also the day of the 3rd tube strikes, though I've only experienced 2 strikes since getting back to London. It was crazy, I started walking at 6:10pm, and I've never seen so much humanity out of the streets before. Usually everyone is funnelled underground into little metal tubes that are shot around London, but for those of us who were too poor to take a taxi (and the roads were all jammed anyway because people living out of town had to take cars in), unable to take a bus (they were all crammed into full capacity), or cycle (and the bike lanes were JAMMED, never seen that one before either), it was back to basics with good old walking. So I walked, 1.7 miles apparently, to Koko. I walked through my old dorm area, and up Eversholt Street towards Mornington Crescent, past the old transexual shop and the area where I got scared last year and turned back.
However, Yann Tiersen was definitely what I expected. From the melodic (ahahaha) strains of the soundtrack of Amelie, to Rue des Cascades - Yann Tiersen as far as I knew - always had a consistent sound. Not that night. He spent 10% of time on the violin (which was mindblowingly excellent) and 90% on the electric guitar. It sounded like a Rammstein version of a Ghostbusters soundtrack, with tripped out synth bits. I was disappointed. Jia was disappointed. Jia's friends were disappointed. The rest of the crowd? They started thinning out after realising what utter shit was being played. It was like listening to someone's mid-life crisis, where he decided to go back and attempt to be the rockstar of teenage dreams. Objectively, the music was OK, but for Yann Tiersen it was an utter disappointment. Plus we had to stand throughout since there were no seats at all in Koko. On the bus back, I heard the other concert goers complaining and calling him "awfully self indulgent".
So with the only high point in my week destroyed by someone's new musical edge, I was really looking forward to last night's party. So I drank, happily. First a little Martini Asti, then a sip of Martini Apple (ew!), Stella Artois and it wad out from Chai's place to wait 30 freaking minutes in the cold for 188 to come -__- Finally at Steph's, we open the cava we brought, and I help myself to a tequilla shot which was damn nasty, and two cups of melon schnapps and sprite. I was a very very happy girl.
Chai walked me back, and we stopped at Chicken Cottage for a bit. I came back, ate some chicken cottage, watched an episode of the Simpsons and then went to sleep. 6 am however, I woke up feeling a bit sick. All the alcohol had rushed to my brain when I lay down, and my stomach was now grotesquely bloated and I wondered if I should puke. After a state of semi-consciousness in which my mind was going SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP and my stomach going I FEEL WEIRD, I got up and walked to the toilet to contemplate what I should do next. Then I thought I'd linger over the toilet bowl, and see if retching came naturally. It did. I was bitter and it burned the fuck out of my throat. I puked multiple times within the next ten minutes, feeling like greek fire and hell fire were pouring out of my throat. All while I was puking, if I wasn't sick from the sheer physical pain, it was thinking 'Dear God I just cleaned this toilet bowl earlier in the day!!! Now it's dirty again!' and that upset me more than the fact that I was puking hellfire.
So with that I concluded I am getting to old before my time. I drank a cup of milo, nibbled on some almonds and went back to sleep. Amazingly, at 10am, I woke up naturally without a hangover.
Monday, November 01, 2010
Ottomans: overkill much?
I have either been too depressed or to busy to write, such a pity since I've got quite a bit to write about:-
1) BFI London Film Festival
2) My Mama's visit to London
3) All the food I've been cooking
Yann Tiersen at Koko this Wednesday, can't wait. Went running yesterday and almost died from extremelybadbreathtaking asthma.
Meanwhile, much much essay and presentayshuns.
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