How cruel!

Sunday night I had a dream of rushing about, packing clothes for the Thailand trip. There was no cast on my leg and even had sweat on my brow for my labours. In all earnestness I did feel like I was truly going for the trip. Then of course I woke up, remembered the truth of it all and went back to sleep because I didn't want to carry the feeling of disappointment with me.

Then just as I was watching television earlier as I ate my breakfast, I saw Channel 5's new advertising campaign to show off their 'new' lineup of shows which employed the usage of airport imagery, luggage, check in counters and silhouetted planes. I then switched over to Kid's Central (Channel News Asia was some talking head, had seen it earlier) and it was some Singaporean produced kid's expedition to Thailand.

Before I had time to react and change it, the screen which had a second ago merrily flashed "THAILAND" now cut to a scene of driving on road which looked quite similar to the ones in Khao Lak, tarred road bound by the greenest greenery you could imagine with sunlight filtering through and hills in the distance.

Oh how my heart breaks. Doctor's appointment in a bit to remove the stitches, but I doubt he'll give me the green light (not to mention the father said a firm no and I've never defied him in my life; but maybe, just maybe?) as much as I do wish and pray for it.

Somehow this trip means so much more to me than anything else, I really really do want to heal.

I don't think I can now.