As of late I've been feeling overwhelmed by this feeling called disappointment. It comes in the most inopportune times (as such negative feelings usually do) and stays there like a tree root in a sidewalk. Disappointment also brings along its other rather disagreeable friends, Doubt and Helplessness.

Needless to say these fools all play up each others negative sides, leading to the tree taking firmer root and finally crashing through the hapless cemented sidewalk. And thus I am filled with these emotions. As I struggle to come to terms with things however, to try and regain some semblance of control over my life - a life that uses Reason and not Emotion - I find myself inwardly pressured by all sides. Sides that have Expectations of me, both intolerably low and suffocatingly high, which leads only to further enhance my helplessness and slow building frustration. Then there are my own emotional wants, my 'intellectual level' wants and my own expectations to contend with, all which I am quite unable to relinquish.

I would like, more than anything else in this world to both simultaneously fill up those Expectations and run away from them at the same time. I am only after all, terrifyingly mortal. Perhaps evidently more so than most.

I would like to be free to be me again. Whoever 'me' is.