I spent the supposed last day of my life on earth studying for the prelims. I spent it in the library with Gen, Arjun and Steph, reading notes about Lenin and doing Math Paper 2 (because I can't seem to find any Paper 1s for some odd reason) and smelling the musty sour smell of unsocked ~Sec 2 feet.

This is sad.

Ideally I should be more panicked about the LHC. The idea of the end of earth and life as we know it should be more tangible and real. Instead I am more worried alternatively of History on Friday and the words 'everlasting commitment' (I blame the dream where I dreamt I got married - I think I have commitment issues now). As a result I have spent the scarce free time of today watching Dirty Sexy Money and other more routine mundane things.

This is bad! This is not normal. I should be running around doing multiple things with Consequences that I am unable to do under normal circumstances. Things like telling the Truth, "you're really hot/an asshole/a poseur/Satan you know" or alternatively "you! you! you! I like you! I know you don't like me but since this is the last day on earth I'm the only person who might possibly do the horizontal tango with you" or other equivalents. Things like getting drunk on good vodka - not the cheap shit I got drunk with previously, eating all the food I love and not caring if I gain weight, getting on a plane and flying to places with white sand and blue seas. All in the effort of being able to think in my last moments as I'm being sucked into some neverending black hole about how maybe... just maybe this life was worth living after all.