Someone told me not to cry

Somethin' filled up
my heart with nothin',
someone told me not to cry.

But now that I'm older,
my heart's colder,
and I can see that it's a lie.

Children wake up,
hold your mistake up,
before they turn the summer into dust.

If the children don't grow up,
our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.
We're just a million little gods causin' rain storms turnin' every good thing to
rust.

I guess we'll just have to adjust.

With my lightnin' bolts a glowin'
I can see where I am goin' to be
when the reaper he reaches and touches my hand.

With my lightnin' bolts a glowin'
I can see where I am goin’
With my lightnin' bolts a glowin'
I can see where I am, go-go, where I am

You'd better look out below

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Now I'm not usually the kind who pastes song lyrics on their blog and expects everyone to interpret the meaning of the song to me, so I shall subvert the notion of pretending everyone knows what I mean by actually! explaining! what I mean here.

I've been listening to this song almost everyday now when I am alone. Even when I was in Singapore, or the US, or in transit among the many countries I've been to this year, I have been subconsciously replying the song in my head. To me it is a song about having to grow up and having to face the unknown - which is what I've been mentally trying to prepare myself to do.

I didn't want to grow up, but now I've been unceremoniously, tearfully and fearfully, dumped into the world of the adults. A world that is fucked up beyond comprehension that used to give me little nightmares when I was younger. Things like dealing with tons of red tape, things like dealing with tons of red tape FROM BANKS, things like having to do my own shopping and planning for food, having to find on things on my own and not be spoonfed. It makes me want to hop onto a flight home and go MUMMY HELP ME THE BANKS ARE BULLYING ME!!! but I can't because I am not dying from food poisoning like the last time and I'm stuck here studying for 3 years. Plus I'll probably be disowned.

For the past few days I've been waking up to the thought of 'Oh.' (if that even counts as a proper thought). The thought of 'oh I am here.' I still miss home alot, but through the help and support of people (and God) I've been occupied over the past few days. From bumming around with Mallek, talking to CNE on skype, meeting familiar faces just at the right time, my time is used up too much to feel really sad about being away from home (and I really shouldn't anyway). Even the note of encouragement Petrina sent me really helped a lot too. So thank you guys, all the randoms I talk to online who cheer me up included.

Homesickness does get better over time, but it never goes away. When I think about home I still feel sad, I miss people and my family, I miss the comfort and security. But like all things, such mollycoddling cannot last forever (nor is it very healthy that it does). I guess we'll just have to adjust.