I have come to the conclusion today that intelligence and academic smarts counts for nothing much, really.

Oh yes, it's the stupid consoling themselves.

All you really need 'intelligence' wise is the decision to not be ignorant of the world around you (though I think 80% of people fail when it comes to this clause) and enough ability to get into any university, even a not-so-good one.

Besides that all you really need is good health (though I fail in this area) and a loving family, not to mention most importantly a good heart. All of which I have (or like to think so). I'm sure I can live happily, go off get a simple degree and pop off to work in some far off corner of the world helping people. I don't need love, I just need a supportive family and a reason to live.

I am painfully aware that I am not an intelligent person, just someone who entertains the idea and enjoys the company of intelligent people. No wonder he left - he saw right through my fraud. Stupid people don't deserve intelligent ones, they ruin the gene pool or something.

When I first came to ACSI, first thing I thought was, "Holy shit, how the hell did I get here?", I always thought it was an accident. Today I'm very sure it was really God's will to just let me meet a bunch of wonderful people and have a taste of an ideal that I wanted, but now know will never have.

Funny, the way I'd carry on you'd think I was a God-less person. Truth is I fell when my world fell - all because of 'love'. Strange thing it is, when the heart is either filled with love or filled with broken pieces, it feels like it's going to explode. Anyway I digress, if God has a plan for me I'm sure it'll be good, even if it's not at Columbia's Journalism school (masters btw), it'll be doing something I love. Even if I'm not an intellectual being (which I'm not anyway), at least God gave me the passion and heart to want to help and do something responsible with my life.

Results are out tomorrow. I hope I get at least mediocre grades. I also hope my mock SAT isn't too bad. Anything more than 1500 will do.