So the exams are over, the results are out - and I didn't do to badly. In fact I think I hit my goal of 34 points. But so what? My happiness does not come from there.

The meaning of my life is not exams or studies. It's like sucking on a sweet with a hollow centre, a temporary boost only to find that there is nothing substantial to it. It's like how I listen to so many new artists now, crave to watch so many good films. It's simply stomach filling, sucking on as many empty sweets as I can to recreate the fullness and sweetness that was once there. Chasing a ghost.

Fact is, now that another chapter of this year has closed, I am left wondering where to go from here. I might as well hop off a cliff, there's nothing left to think about, hope for, to look forward to - my life is meaningless. Or rather the meaning that was there is gone and can't be filled as hard as I try.

If only I was some superficial person who could be made happy with riches, items, clothes; a typical kiasu Singaporean with good marks. But no, I cannot. Nothing but what I yearn for will ever do - the rest is all empty filler.